“Scream Queens” episode 1.4, “Haunted House;” Starring Emma Roberts, Lea Michelle, and Jamie Lee Curtis; Written by Brad Falchuk; Directed by Bradley Buecker.
Good gravy this is already absolutely laborious. I haven’t been reading other reviews, because I like to make sure my opinions aren’t influenced, but is anyone actually enjoying this show? I seem to think I’m the odd-man-out when it comes to AHS, but this one can’t be a critical darling, can it?
Anyway, literally nothing happened this episode. Zero plot development at all, unless you count flinging random, implied twists as plot development, which for the record I do not. Chanel’s quasi-famous on Instagram, the sorority carves pumpkins and eats cotton balls (seriously), Pete flirts at really inappropriate times, and following the announcement of her candidacy for KKT president, Zayday gets kidnapped.
Oh sweet Hosanna, “American Horror Story” starts tomorrow. I fear for my sanity.
The “Scream Queens” Drinking Game, part 2:
- Chad implies that dead bodies get him goin’? Drink.
- Charles Manson. Drink.
- Chanel’s dialogue is a dig at a minority? Congratulations, you have alcohol poisoning.
- Did you spot the scene that was a direct reference to the film shown in Wes Gardner’s film class? Well guess what, pal – you get to chug.
The Disappointing:
- Niecy Nash’s appearance did not hold the same charm as previous episodes. There were no chuckles, and her most significant speech served only to further my newest peeve. We’ll get to that shortly.
- I forgot to mention in my initial review how much I dislike narration. With very few exceptions, I think it’s lazy visual storytelling. Shockingly, there was no narration in episode three, because what even is consistency, but tonight there was a return via Chanel’s vlog. She documented her “charity” work that involves sending pumpkins and gross shit to random Instagram fans. The “vlog” aspect felt forced and intentionally trendy, and the scene would have worked just as well had it been filmed in the same style as the rest of the show. The bar ain’t that high, folks. Don’t try to show off.
The “Ooooooof Course…”:
- Zayday and Earl Grey are enjoying a flirtation, because they’re two of the three black characters on the show. Of course they are.
- It’s a good thing a new mystery was introduced tonight. Denise shares a story about a mysterious “hag” who allegedly haunts an abandoned house near campus. Because if there’s one thing that can make this show better, it’s yet another mystery based on a local urban legend. Of course that would make it better.
- Old lady lives in a trailer in the middle of the woods? She gon’ get murdered. Of course she is.
- Gigi’s the hag? OF COURSE she is! I hate everything.
The “I Think the Channel Accidentally Switched Because I Might Be Enjoying This”:
- That kid’s Matthew McConaughey impression is really good. Like, uncanny. That was pretty damn funny.
- Hey, I have the same sweater as one of the Instagram fans!
- Mrs. Bean’s corpse (maybe?) appeared in the titular Haunted House, and since Hester and Chad are totally into dead stuff, Hester poked the body. The effect was surprising and gross, but most importantly? It was subtle. It was perfect! That’s how you do it! Either go full blown and give me a clown with a butthole for a mouth, or reign it in and go with the practical effect and squishy sounds.
- Wait. Did I just witness a keen observation on patriarchal society and girl on girl hate that utilized astute satire, or did my muscle relaxer just kick in? I will be damned, I did. Maybe that should be a “finish your drink.”
My biggest issue with the show is still the fact that literally every character is a suspect, which brings me to The Peeve. Tonight Grace asked her dad if she was the bathtub baby, and following his reply she literally spoon fed the audience a reason to suspect him of murder. Same thing with Zayday and Denise; more backstories introduced with clunky segues that only serve to flash as neon signs that say “YOU GUYS THIS IS WHY THIS PERSON MIGHT BE KILLING PEOPLE.”
Tune in next week when we find out if kmc1138 has finally snapped under the weight of too much Murphyvision in one week!