“Scream Queens” episode 1.3, “Chainsaw.” Starring Emma Roberts, Jamie Lee Curtis, Lea Michelle, and Abigail Breslin; Written and directed by Ian Brennan.
Full disclosure, I watched this on Hulu tonight because it was on opposite “Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” last night and you can force me to watch this claptrap over MAoS when pigs fly, that’s what you can do.
There I go again, revealing too much too early in the review…
Let’s see, what happened in this episode. While out shopping for snacks with Zayday, Grace tazed some dude in a devil costume in the balls. Very little follow up on that one, no one really explained why he was in a devil costume. The Chanels are dividing over boys and bodies, Niecy Nash as Denise is still delightful, Chad and Chanel break up (again) because the pledges are dumpy, Dean Munsch and Gigi move into the KKT house, Grace’s dad is totally harshing her mellow, and two people get killed with a chainsaw. Oh, and there are now two killers in devil costumes. I guess that’s important, who knows.
The “OK I laughed a little:”
- The candle vlogger was holding a Yankee Candle at the vigil. While I still find this blatant thievery somewhat heinous, that was a nice and subtle touch.
- Chanel’s mention of Lagerfeld’s Surprise Skirt was a nice cheeky nod, made all the funnier by her assertion that her aunt was seven when she wore said pants. The “surprise skirt” was pleated palazzo pants, by the way.
- Someone is instagramming Chanel #2’s dead body, which is darkly hilarious in and of itself, but I beamed at the homage to “Weekend at Bernie’s,” because THAT friends and neighbors is how you nod without theft.
- Niecy Nash continues to be refreshing and funny, but again the majority of her scenes feel like filler. The car scene in which she presents carefully ziploc’d bags of evidence to Zayday cracked me up, especially when she pulled a sealed chainsaw from her backseat, but the premise of that entire interaction was ridiculous and forced.
- Chad Radwell and the entire fraternity bro-squad is really the only parody/satire that’s working for me. Even their names are, admittedly, kind of clever. Caufield? Roger and Dodger? It’s kind of funny.
- I thought I was going to giggle when I looked up “Eiffel towered” on Urban Dictionary, but I didn’t. Don’t bother, it’s wildly uninventive. So maybe I shouldn’t list that here, but oh well.
The “Scream Queens” Drinking Game, part one:
- Chad Radwell and Chanel break up. Or get back together.
- Someone’s in a devil costume and isn’t a killer.
- You have to look something up on Urban Dictionary.
- Homophobia!
- Dean Munsch is a lecherous hornball.
The “Well Played:”
- Directly from my notes: “The new mascot is a soft-serve ice cream cone. Bet he goes on a killing spree.” Nope, not so much.
- “Let’s see how many times this episode rips off ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre.'” Well, only once that I saw. Bravo, purveyors of claptrap.
The “Oh Wow That’s Super Refreshing:”
- Really? A Clockwork Orange scene? Really?
- …
- …
- Really?
And finally, the “WTF?”:
- I really hope those goddamn earmuffs are explained at some point.
- And speaking of, Chanel #3 revealed that her father is Charles Manson. Because of course he is.
- Charisma Carpenter played Chanel #2’s mom and that made me feel old and I don’t like that.
I forgot to mention last week that the series opened with that beautiful, timeless, Hal Blaine “bap, buh-bap SNAP” drum riff, and I thought it was kind of neat. This week I hoped that the series would continue with a classic music reference as an intro shot, but alas, this is Ryan Murphy territory where continuity and subtlety are dirty dirty words.
The episode ended with Grace’s dad, apropos of naught but an open window, accusing Dean Munsch of being the killer, which we all know is wrong because it’s only the third episode. At this point, literally every character could be the villain and that’s just too much for me to care about. Man. I might have to resign this review when AHS starts up on October 7th, because at least I have a good time being pissed off at that show.