Ah, Winter is coming, and love is in the air! Or, all the love an arranged marriage can portend, that is. Our beloved King Joffrey is finally set to marry his hot, much older fiance, Margaery. This marriage is very important to the Lannisters, since the old (now dead) King Robert pretty much bankrupted the kingdom, and they need some of Margaery’s family wealth to keep the Lion Train a-going. Joffrey is an amazing king, though, so he deserves all the hot older action he can get. Besides, she really knows how to handle his crossbow.
Meanwhile, Roose Bolton is upset with his bastard son, Ramsay, for playing Operation on Theon Greyjoy. Theon’s not himself, and answers to Reek now. He also seems to have been demoted to Ramsay’s personal barber. He’s pretty handy with a straight razor, though, and manages to give a really nice shave while hearing the news that Robb Stark is dead. Roose tells Ramsay to go claim a vital strategic location, and if he’s a good little psycopath, maybe he’ll get to be a real Bolton someday!
Bran Stark and his creepy little Swamp Kid escorts are north of the Wall with Hodor, and Bran’s been using his Warg abilities to take control of his Dire Wolf and run about a bit. The Reed kids are a little worried about this, but Bran sees a tree that he wants to touch, and has a few prophetic visions. This, kids, is why you don’t go around touching strange Weirwood trees!
Hey, did I mention how awesome Joffrey is? He even has a statue. Sure, this shot is from last week, but it’s an amazing statue, and Joff made sure the sculptor captured his Triumph of Spirit for all the people of Westeros to bask in for all time!
Tywin Lannister presents Joffrey with a sword made from Ned Stark’s old blade. Joffrey uses it to chop up a very nice book his uncle Tyrion gave him as a wedding gift. I was really touched with how thoughtful Tyrion was to give Joffrey a priceless tome to tone his sword arm with, and you could really see the admiration in Tyrion’s eyes as Good King Joffrey gave the book its what-for!
Oh, and Jaimie Lannister can’t fight very well with his metal hand, so Tyrion lends him his mercenary wise-ass to teach the Kingslayer how to fight with his bum wiping hand. This might have been my second favorite part of the episode, mostly because I really love watching both of these characters, and seeing them spar was a lot of fun.
Back to Joffrey: He’s prepared a special treat for the guests at his wedding, and presents all of his guests with a tasteful dramatization of the War of Five Kings. It’s really well done, and you can tell all of the parties viewing the little play are enjoying themselves immensely. Especially Tyrion, who has just been promoted to be Personal Cup-Bearer to the King!
Joffrey pals around with his favorite uncle for a few minutes, then takes his new sword to a giant pie, to the delight of pigeon lovers everywhere. Margaery looks thrilled in particular, as does her grandmother, Emma Peel from “The Avengers” teevee show (Except she’s really old now, so it’s good that she’s not wearing that leather catsuit anymore). Right about then, I had one of my famous narcoleptic fits, so I’m not really sure how the episode ends, but I have to assume it was in glorious tribute to the greatest king Westeros has ever known!
