“American Horror Story: Freak Show” Episode 4.6, “Bullseye;” Starring Jessica Lange, Evan Peters, Sarah Poulson, Finn Wittrock, and Frances Conroy; Written by John J. Gray; Directed by Howard Deutch.
You guys ever ride a roller coaster that’s like pretty crazy at the beginning, like wild heights and maybe even a weird Willy Wonka tunnel moment, but then the rest is just like curves and gentle breezes?
Yeah, no, me neither. Because that would be a shitty roller coaster. I don’t think any self respecting amusement park tycoon would allow such a thing to be built, and even if it slipped past the ballparking stage the ride would get shut down.
Welp, welcome to “American Horror Story: Shitty Roller Coaster.” For the first portion of your ride, you will witness some admittedly cool sites and a stylistically original villain, which the proprietors will swiftly murder. For the duration? Witness: Mundane events happening to people it’s hard to give a shit about! Will Elsa sing another Bowie number? Ye gods let’s hope not! Will Ethel continue to talk like Doctor Evil? I don’t even care anymore! Why is Jimmy the only character written like he stepped out of a 1950’s B movie? Where’s Dell? Did that one dude die? WE DON’T EVEN KNOW OURSELVES!!
I guess I prematurely reviewed this episode, eh? Spoilers ahoy.
Literally one thing of worth happened this episode. One thing, and then like a couple things set in motion. The show opens with Elsa boning up on her knife throwing skills. It’s her birthday, and the sideshow family throws her a small party and presents her with loving gifts. Also, apparently she and Paul have been boinking but the show only saw fit to tell us that in the sixth episode of the season. Probably because it made it all that much more shocking when Elsa put him on the spinning wheel and sunk a knife in his belly. How’s that opener for subtle foreshadowing, eh? And that’s it. That’s the one thing. Paul had been suspicious that Elsa had done something horrible to the twins, so Elsa exacted her revenge. Paul had also continued his romance with the pilot episode’s opium waitress, and she returns to the Freak Show only to discover him mortally wounded.
Mystery Pants and the Blonde Psychic are still scheming to transport freak corpses for fun and profit, but man they are terrible at it. Stanley is hellbent on gettin’ some lobster claws, but Maggie is in love with Jimmy so she keeps trying diversions. Every week is some Scoobian farce where they detail their plan, show the death of a performer, and then pull a giant “psych.” Is this supposed to numb us, and make us that much more shocked when someone finally does bite it? Well it’s just exasperating.
Meanwhile at Chez Mott, Dandy has fallen madly in love with Dot and Bette. Only one of the twins is interested in his attention, however, and Dot – who is apparently WAY dumber than Bette – kept all her true feelings in a locked diary. Dandy read the diary, and gone were his good intentions. He vowed to Mrs. Mott that, I don’t know, murder murder tanty tanty blah blah. I just really want this to end up being about applesauce. The show ended when Jimmy arrived at the Mott homestead to retrieve the twins. Dandy escorted him in, being careful to not expose the giant knife tucked in his pants.
I know this is my third year of ripping on this show, but I’ve never shied away from the fact that even when it’s bad I have a really good time watching it. No so much this year. I used to come away giddy with the schlock of it all but now I’m just pissed because that was an hour that could have been used for “Pioneer Woman” reruns that I ain’t gettin’ back. Writing the recaps used to be fun, but now I just come away from the hour with a blank document and a bad attitude, and it might be driving me slightly mad. I am become Zampaño, and this is my analysis of the Navidson Record, and you’re witnessing my slow descent into madness. So, we’ve got that going for us. Which is nice.
Traditionally the show does not air on the Thursday before Thanksgiving, so maybe next week will be a whopper of a mid-season break and we’ll go back to having fun again. So until next week, I bid you adieu.