Aaah, third quarter. Welcome to the doldrums. It’s the high season for movies, and the dead season for games. There are a few notables hitting retail shelves this season, but you should really be watching the downloadable space on your consoles and handhelds. Those quick snack downloadable games tend to carry the quality through the heat. That’s all going to start with Quantum Conundrum on July 10th, one week before Microsoft’s official kick-off to the Summer of Arcade with Tony Hawk’s HD makeover. As for what I’ve got listed to watch in retail, the same rules apply as usual. Details are as accurate as I can validate at the time of publication. Everything is subject to change and I am allowed to be wrong occasionally. Just for fun, and to keep up spirits during the slow months, I’ll recommend a good drink (for responsible gamers of legal age in their respective countries) to pair with a particular title.
July 10th
NCAA Football 13
Arguably the better of the two major football titles since EA monopolized the sport, the college game tends to have a little more depth than its NFL cousin. This year sees introduction of the new Heisman Mode. GameStop’s preorder bonus is a 3-player Heisman Challenge for that new mode. Amazon’s bonus is the Nike Pro Combat pack, featuring premium uniforms for Army, Universtity of Georgia, Oklahoma State, Oregon, and Michigan State. Best Buy is giving you the Five Star Quarterback DLC. None of those are special enough to make up for Amazon offering the game for $45 right now.
July 31st
Kingdom Hearts 3D Dream Drop Distance
If you love Disney and Final Fantasy you’ve certainly played one of these games over the years. I quite enjoyed the second one, then got really bored really fast with one of them for PSP. I would say I like both franchises, but don’t love either one, so I’m hardly the target audience. Don’t read too much into this, but I think this series will be most “at home” on a Nintendo platform, and the handheld space just seems ideal. As for preordering, it appears to not be store-dependent. Any preorder should get you the Dream Eaters AR cards. The three AR cards unlock a 360 degree viewing platform for the Dream Eaters, R&R Seal, and one of three random characters (Sudo Neku, Meowjesty, or Ursa Circus).
Recommended Beverage: Sorry, I know plenty of adults are buying, but I just can’t bring myself to recommend alcohol with this one. But it’s the height summer, grab a Slurpee in your favorite flavor.
August 14th
Darksiders II
Another one I can’t say I’m excited to play, but will be very popular. I know I’m in the minority, but the first game just bored me. Which I don’t get because it seemed to have everything going for it that I would be sure to like. It was probably just a victim to being played at a time when I wasn’t in the right mood for it. Regardless, this one has you playing as Death instead of War and looks to be just as amazing as I expected the first one to be. Though all preorders will get the “Argul’s Tomb” expansion, other bonuses do vary. GameStop’s “Death Rides” pack provides several exclusive sidequests, allowing further exploration of the Maker’s Realm and Dead Plains. If you’d rather soup up your apocalyptic mount, Amazon has the “Deadly Despair” pack, providing a permanent speed boost for Despair, Death’s pale horse. Best Buy will net you a prequel comic and the “Angel of Death” pack – including new armor, a pair of deadlier scythes, and a new colored trail for your crow (really???).
Recommended Beverage: Possibilities are endless for this one. Something biblical like wine would work. But for my money (and palate), there’s nothing like a good scotch for facing down the end of the world. No need to be snobby about it, rocks or even a little water is okay, but make sure it’s a decent scotch. You really don’t want to face the Apocalypse drinking Johnnie Walker Red.
August 28th
Transformers: Fall of Cybertron
Yes, this is the same week as Madden, but I’ve already done one football game. And this is Big Shiny Robot! Of course I’m going to recommend the game that has two factions of giant robots battling to escape the planet their war has destroyed. If you’re a fan of the classic Transformers, you’ll want to order your copy from GameStop. They’re including the G1 Retro pack with classic Optimus Prime (robot and vehicle form), Megatron gun, and Shockwave cannon. If you’d rather have the merged Combaticon form of Bruticus (G2), get yours from Amazon.
Recommended Beverage: Yes, there is a drink called Motor Oil, and yes the it’s most appropriate one for this game. Prepare to feel like you’ve been punched by a giant robot. Start with one once of Jagermeister in a triple shot glass (or use the similar but much better Underground from Ogden, UT). In order, add 1/2 ounce each of peppermint schnapp’s, cinnamon schnapp’s, and coconut rum. If you’d prefer it as a cocktail, mix it up in a rocks glass with ice and garnish with mint leaves.
For the more adventurous and disturbed, how about a transforming shot, the Cement Mixer? Take a shot of Irish cream but don’t swallow it. Add a shot of lime juice and swish the mixture up like mouthwash. Hope you like milk flavored gelatin.
September 18th
Borderlands 2
Something about this quarter, it’s just filled with franchises I know I should like, but just didn’t interest me. I know Wrath-o-Tron is about to malfunction over his excitement for this one. Only GameStop seems to have a preorder exclusive, the “Creature Slaughter Dome.” In the dome you’ll face off against the toughest monsters in Pandora. It will be difficult, but the rewards are worth it. Even if you don’t care for that bonus, you’ll still want to preorder a copy from somewhere to get access to the Premiere Club. Club membership gets you a pack of gold guns to begin your Pandora journey, the Golden Key in the Sanctuary Loot Chest, the Vault Hunter’s Relic, and free access to the Mechromancer class when it’s released.
Recommended Beverage: I actually had this one planned for Far Cry 3 but it’s delay to November 30th killed it. I really wanted to include this drink and I didn’t have a good one for Borderlands 2. Which means you get my weird adaptive logic to make it fit. Specifically that 151 is deadly and can be used as flamethrower, which I’m not even sure are in the game but should be. Also, it’s an island drink. Pandora isn’t really tropical but it is remote like an island. It’ll all also knock you on your ass, something I imagine would always be the goal when drinking on Pandora. So, the Caribbean Breeze: one ounce of 151 proof rum, 1/2 ounce of coconut rum, five ounces each of pineapple and cranberry juice. Fill a Collins with ice, add all ingredients, and stir. Garnishing with fruit is optional but recommended, especially cherry bombs (Everclear-soaked cherries) or loaded watermelon cubes.
September 25th
Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse
The show really isn’t for everyone, but you can’t deny it’s popularity. I’m not even sure what to expect of the game but I simply have to give it a try. Details are still a little scarce since it’s so far away, but it seems to be spinning off from the “Road to the Multiverse” episode of the cartoon. You’ll be playing as Stewie and/or Brian. Competitive and co-op multiplayer are included. Again, this is pretty far off, so preorder bonuses aren’t showing up anywhere. I’d expect to see something announced, even if it’s just a downloadable episode of the show, sometime in mid-August.
Recommended Beverage: Hmmm, breast milk for Stewie? No, that’s gross. Toilet water for Brian? Slightly more gross. Beer for Peter? Maybe, but we already did that. Something multiverse related? Yes, something to make you see double. Like a Boilermaker. It’s simple but effective. The traditional version is often called a Depth Charge. Drop a shot of rye whiskey into half a pint of pale ale and knock it back. Vary your whiskey for preference. Variations include the Car Bomb (Irish whiskey with a float of Irish cream dropped into a Guinness) or the Loaded Cerveza (a shot of tequila into a full bottle of Mexican lager, like Corona or Dos Equis, and drank slowly).
Some honorable mentions that I skipped this quarter for various reasons but you’ll probably want to play:
July 31st – Risen 2: Dark Waters Special Edition
August 14th – Sleeping Dogs
August 19th – New Super Mario Bros. 2
August 28th – Journey Collector’s Edition
September 11th – Tekken Tag Tournament 2
All of these are really just keep you entertained until October, of course. That’s when the gaming market really picks up again. You can look forward to Just Dance 4 (which fits our drinking theme nicely as no adult has ever played the franchise while sober), LEGO Lord of the Rings, and Assassin’s Creed III, among others.