Jared Hess, the director of “Napoleon Dynamite”, “Nacho Libre”, and the soon to be in theaters, “Gentlemen Broncos” is clearly one of us.  Complete with horn-rim glasses, nervous tics, a penchant for poopie jokes and hilariously dry wit, I think Jared Hess could easily be called a geeks director.  His movies are filled with characters like us, awkward, clumsy, and full of unwarranted confidence.  So it shouldn’t be surprising that I jumped at the chance to go to an advanced screening of the film last night.

Living in Salt Lake City, where the production of the film took place, I knew a few things about the movie to begin with; and it seemed like I was in for one helluva ride.  The opening credits came on, and in classic Hess fashion we were treated to various close-ups of kitschy sci-fi book covers with the actors and key crew members names as their titles.  “So far, so good” I thought.  Sadly, this is where the “good” ended, and for the rest of the movie (what seriously seemed like 3 hours or more) I was forced to sit through what felt like a high school students take on a Jared Hess movie.

This movie was absolutely terrible!  From the trailer, one would guess that “Gentlemen Broncos” is a film about a boy who gets his story stolen by reputable sci-fi (pardon me, syfy) writer, and then seeks revenge on his former literary idol.  And although that story is indeed told, Jared Hess has filled his movie with so many “oddball characters” and “hilarious” vignettes that I couldn’t help but wonder why he felt that making us watch the wacky hometown filmmaker Lonnie Donaho (clearly based on TERRIBLE local fimmaker Steven Groo), the go-nowhere love story between the main character and “some girl”, or the Mom’s wacky lingerie designs were more important than the main story.

I understand (and appreciate) that Jared Hess likes his wacky characters, but each character took so long for him to introduce and set up in the world of Gentlemen Broncos that he failed to make time in the movie to actually let the viewer care about any of them.  Sigh…I really am trying to write a professional review of this thing, but it is growing more and more difficult as this post goes on to not just scream “This movie was a total wreck of a film that I can’t believe didn’t go straight to DVD!”  Seriously, when your movie is “about” a kid and his (actually entertaining) short story “Yeast Lords” getting stolen by another writer, and you only devote a small portion of the film to scenes that actually develop your story…the viewer is only left to wonder “WTF”?!

Gentlemen Broncos is a film that is too boring to invest any more time thinking about, after exiting the theater I couldn’t help but feel completely frustrated and confused by what I had just seen.  “How did he make such a terrible mess?”  The concept was intriguing and the promise of seeing Sam Rockwell as a science fiction hero in the sci-fi sequences of the film was exciting, but this movie fails to deliver on every conceivable level.  The story went nowhere, the characters did nothing to drive the plot forward, and worst of all, I was bored to to death the entire time.  Not once did I feel entertained or amused during the course of the film.  I am definitely a fan of Jared Hess’ first two films and even went so far as to buy “Napoleon Dynamite” on DVD (my name is BUDGETron for a reason), but even I was left wondering who greenlit this mess of a movie.

Don’t go see Gentlemen Bronco’s.  Not even on DVD.

Not groundbreaking, or even surprising news for that matter, but a nice little tid-bit none-the-less:

Dylan Baker, the man who has portrayed Dr. Curt Connors in the last two Spider-Man movies, has confirmed that he will in fact be in Spider-Man 4. UGO caught up with him at a screening of his latest movie ‘Trick ‘r Treat’:

Dylan Baker and Michael Dougherty were at a presentation of Trick ‘r Treat last night at New York’s Walter Reade Theater for Lincoln Center’s third annual “Scary Movies” program.

During a post-screening Q & A, Baker confirmed that he is on board for Sam Raimi’s forthcoming Spider-Man 4. According to reports, Baker said that he had just gotten his first call concerning Spider-Man 4 that very day. Baker appeared in Spider-Man 2 and Spider-Man 3 as Dr. Curt Connors, a professor at Empire State University.

When Dougherty ribbed him about “just appearing in the background” Baker said that, basically, that’s what he’d be doing. It was unclear if they were being truthful or if, in fact, Dr. Connors would become supervillain The Lizard in this fourth entry in the film series. During their riffing, Dougherty used the phrase “co*ktease for another year” as to whether or not we’d see The Lizard.

Ain’t it Cool News is report on what they consider to be a “pretty reliable” rumor that Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen, A Nightmare on Elm Street) is on the top of the list to play Sinestro opposite Ryan Reynolds in the Green Lantern movie.

On top of that, they are also saying:

Oh… and according to my source, it’s looking like SUPERMAN will be making a cameo, but that all depends upon how… other DC things go, but it is an indicator that DC is paying attention and taking note of what MARVEL is doing, which has excited all of us so much!

So, my question is, will Brandon Routh reprise his role as the Man of Steel should he actually have a cameo, or will they bring in someone else they plan to play Supes in his next movie? Guess we will all just have to wait and see how this all pans out…

A fellow robot stumbled upon this, and I thought it was interesting enough to post. This is a fascinating dissection of A New Hope taking the new prequels into consideration. A gentleman by the name of Keith Martin wrote this in 2005:

A New Sith, or Revenge of the Hope
Reconsidering Star Wars IV in the light of I-III

If we accept all the Star Wars films as the same canon, then a lot that happens in the original films has to be reinterpreted in the light of the prequels. As we now know, the rebel Alliance was founded by Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Bail Organa. What can readily be deduced is that their first recruit, who soon became their top field agent, was R2-D2.

Consider: at the end of RotS, Bail Organan orders 3PO’s memory wiped but not R2’s. He wouldn’t make the distinction casually. Both droids know that Yoda and Obi-Wan are alive and are plotting sedition with the Senator from Alderaan. They know that Amidala survived long enough to have twins and could easily deduce where they went. However, R2 must make an impassioned speech to the effect that he is far more use to them with his mind intact: he has observed Palpatine and Anakin at close quarters for many years, knows much that is useful and is one of the galaxy’s top experts at hacking into other people’s systems. Also he can lie through his teeth with a straight face. Organa, in immediate need of espionage resources, agrees.

For the next 20 years, as far as 3PO knows, he is the property of Captain Antilles, doing protocol duties on a diplomatic transport. He is vaguely aware of the existence of the princess but doesn’t know much about her. Wherever 3PO goes, being as loud and obvious as he always is, his unobtrusive little counterpart goes with him. 3PO is R2’s front man. Wherever they land, R2 is passing messages between rebel sympathisers and sizing up governments as potential rebel recruits – both by personal contact and by hacking into their networks. He passes his recommendations on to Organa.

Yoda is out of the picture by this stage, using the Force-infused swamps of Dagobah to hide himself from Vader and the Emperor. Or something. He is meditating on the future and keeping in touch with Obi-Wan via the ghost of Qui-Gon Jin, which as comm systems go has the virtue of being untappable. Obi-Wan, on Tattoine, keeps in touch with Bail Organa and the other Rebel leaders by courier, of which more later.

As Star Wars opens, R2 is rushing the Death Star plans to the Rebellion. R2, not Leia. The plans are always in R2. What Leia puts into him in the early scene is only her own holographic message to Kenobi. Leia’s own mission, as she says in the holographic message, is to pick up Obi-Wan and take him to Alderaan – or so she thinks. Actually, her father just wants her to meet Kenobi, which up to this point she never has. There’s a reason for that.

Obi-Wan has spent the last 20 years in the Tattoine desert, keeping watch over Luke Skywalker and trying to decide on one of the three available options:
A) If Luke shows no significant access to the Force, then leave him alone in obscurity
B) If Luke shows real Force ability, then consider recruiting him as a Jedi. The rebellion needs Jedi. Now.
But, if Luke shows any signs of turning out like his father, then C) sneak into his house one fine night and chop his head off. With great regret but it’ll save a lot of trouble later on.
Knowing this to be the case, Bail Organa (perhaps at the insistence of his wife) has found excuses not to send Leia to Ben for assessment of Jedi potential, largely for fear of option C.

To be fair to all concerned, Leia has shown no overt signs of a link to the Force. Luke on the other hand has. In his home-built hotrod aircraft, with no formal fighter pilot training and no decent instrumentation, Luke can regularly score centre-hits on 2-metre targets in complicated zero-altitude maneouvres. Until he attends the briefing on Yavin, Luke has no way of knowing that hardened combat pilots would consider that nearly impossible. To him it’s easy. Obi-Wan, who saw Anakin’s performance in the Pod Race, is nervous.

Much of Obi-Wan’s behaviour in this film, and Yoda’s in the next, can best be understood if they are frankly scared to death of what Luke might become. (Ben is also scared that he himself will make all the same mistakes he made with Anakin.)

Now, with the existence of the rebellion at stake, Bail Organa has finally told Leia to go see Obi-Wan and has sent her along with R2. The original plan would then be for Obi-Wan (with optional Luke and/or Leia in tow) to leave his exile and take the Death Star plans to Yavin, where they can be put to use. R2 (with Leia if Ben doesn’t want to take her) would then carry on to Alderaan to maintain the cover story. The original plan does not survive contact with a large Imperial Star Destroyer.

R2 and 3PO bail out in an escape pod, landing in vaguely the right area of Tattoine, where R2’s first priority is transport. He arranges to be captured by a group of Jawas and, once on board their transport, he makes a deal with them (possibly using emergency funds stored about his person) to take him where he wants to go. The Jawas refuse to go directly to Kenobi for fear of marauding Sandpeople but they agree to R2’s second request : transport to the Skywalker farm. They even get to keep the purchase price if they can sell R2 and 3PO there. The Jawas shake on it and go through with the plan.

Seeing 3PO fail to recognise the farm where he worked for 10 years gives r2 a moment’s amusement but, as soon as possible, he gets away and heads for Kenobi. Luke and 3PO follow, which may or may not have been part of the plan.

On first seeing R2, Obi-Wan has a twinkle in his eye and calls him “my little friend”. Well, he is. However, when Luke wakes up and says that R2 claimed to be owned by an Obi-Wan Kenobi, he blandly says “I don’t seem to remember ever owning a droid.” Ben has in fact owned several but the remark is aimed at R2 and translates as “You keep quiet. I’m not about to tell him everything just yet.” Obi-Wan thinks fast and tells Luke a version of his past that does not involve a father who became a dark lord of the Sith. He wants to examine Luke a lot more closely before he risks telling him the real truth.

Although the Death Star plans need to get to Yavin as soon as possible, Obi-Wan needs to make one more diversion first. If the Empire knows that Leia is a Rebel leader, then they also know about her father and the whole Organa family may need immediate evacuation. Fortunately, before coming to Tattoine, R2 had already arranged transport, which is waiting at Mos Eisley, under the command of the Rebellion’s other chief field agent and espionage asset. Chewbacca.

20 years earlier, Chewbacca was second in command of the defence of his planet. He’s there in the tactical conferences and there on the front lines and is a personal friend of Yoda’s. When he needed reliable people to join the embryonic Alliance, who else would Yoda turn to but his old friend from Kashykk? Given his background, there is no way that Chewie would spend the crucial years of the rebellion as the second-in-command to (sorry Han) a low-level smuggler. Unless it’s his cover. In fact, Chewie is a top-line spy and flies what is in many ways the Rebellion’s best ship.

The Millenium Falcon may look like a beat-up old freighter but it can outrun any Imperial ship in normal space or hyperspace, hang in a firefight with a Star Destroyer or outmaneouvre a dozen top-of-the-line TIE fighters. It’s a remarkable feat of engineering and must have cost a colossal fortune to build. How does Han come to own a ship like that? He only thinks he does, actually it’s Chewie’s. Half-way through RotS, we see the Falcon landing at the Senate building on Coruscant. If it’s the same ship (which of course it is) then it was the personal transport of one of the senatorial delegations – a much more likely source to commission its design. That delegatino must have later joined the Rebellion and given it the use of the Falcon. In fact, if the delegation is the one from Kashykk, then the ship may have belonged to Chewbacca as early as RotS.

Han is Chewie’s front man. It’s much better, and safer for him, if he doesn’t know what’s really going on. Chewie used to work with Lando Calrissian in a similar way but Lando wanted to settle down, so Chewie arranged for him to lose the Falcon in a card game to Han Solo, an even better choice as partner. Han and Chewie’s working method is pretty much what we see in the cantina scene: Chewie make the contacts and sets up the deals, then turns them over to Han who haggles over the price and gives the final yea or nay. This lets Chewie wander the seamy underside of the galaxy pretty much at will, making contacts, gathering and passing information with no-one was the wiser, especially not Han.

Chewie persuaded Han to do business with Jabba the Hutt so he could make regular runs to Tattoine, where Chewie could pass messages between Kenobi and Organa. When R2’s urgent message came through only days before, the only way for Chewie to get back to Tattoine in time was to make the “mistake” that forced Han to dump his cargo to avoid capture. As a down side, this led to Solo’s getting a death mark out on him from Jabba the Hutt. Chewie was a bit upset about the need for that but figured they weren’t going to be dealing with Tattoine for much longer.

En route to Alderaan, R2 and Chewie play stop-motion chess. This is the latest in a series of games they’ve played over the year in the back rooms of space stations and cantinas across the galaxy, but this is the first time they’ve done it in front of their respective straight men, so they put on a big show.

Then it all goes wrong again. Alderaan is gone and the Falcon is caught and brought aboard the Death Star. Only Han, Luke and 3PO don’t know just how much trouble they’re in but Obi-Wan has a plan and seems confident (but Jedi always do). Soon afterwards, R2 finds Leia in the detention cells and shouts that they have to rescue her, to which Chewie can only agree. If Vader learns he has a daughter, then they’re all in deep trouble, so Chewie does his bit to persuade Han to go along with Luke’s plan.

Then, on the verge of escape, Vader himself turns up only yards from both of his children, one of whom is leaking Force all over the place. Obi-Wan stages a distraction by letting himself  die and go into the Force while the others escape. At this point, Chewie suddenly realises that he’s been left in charge, not only of the Death Star Plans and the survival of the Rebellion but of the secret son and daughter of Darth Vader. With the Organas and Kenobi all dead, only Chewie, R2 and Yoda know who Luke and Leia are. And only Ob-Wan knew where Yoda has been hiding. Chewie is stressed out by the responsibility and R2 (who keeps making crude jokes about the whole affair) is being no help at all.

Chewie’s first problem is what is happening between Luke and Leia. With a psychic link they can feel but don’t understand, thrown together in a life-or-death escape, they are looking at each other with a sparky intensity that Chewie gradually recognises as Romantic Tension. He’s no expert on human relationships but Chewie is fairly sure that that’s Wrong, so he does the only thing he can under the circumstances – he throws Han at her. Han is at first not interested but after a while starts to warm to the idea with an intensity that gives Chewie new worries.

When they reach Yavin, Han decides to take the money and run and Chewie decides to go with him. Looked at in cold light, it’s for the good of the Rebellion. Even if Yavin is destroyed, there’ll be one agent who knows what’s going on who can try and put something back together, but he doesn’t feel good about it. When Han decides to turn around and join the attack, Chewie is all for it.

Han and Luke get medals but Chewie doesn’t. Actually, Leia offers him one but Chewie turns it down. He got one of those things from Yoda about 20 years ago, but there’s no way he can tell her that.

As the film ends, the three founders of the Rebellion are all gone. Bail Organa is dead, Yoda is out of contact and Obi-Wan’s ghost can only talk to other Jedi. (So that would be Yoda then.) Thus, the field leadership of the rebellion has just been turned over to the daughter of Darth Vader. Chewie is really hoping that someone with an official rank greater than hers will get here real soon before he has to think really seriously about option C.

MTV seems to be breaking a LOT of Marvel movie news lately!

The latest is an interview with Iron Man/Iron Man 2 Director, Jon Favreau, in which he states that he will not be directing the Avengers movie like many had previously thought (see: hoped for):

“They’ll have to [find a different director], because I’m not going to be available,” he explained. “It’s something I’m being the executive producer on, so I’ll definitely have input and a say.”

“It’s going to be hard, because I was so involved in creating the world of Iron Man and Iron Man is very much a tech-based hero, and then with ‘Avengers’ you’re going to be introducing some supernatural aspects because of Thor,” he continued. “How you mix the two of those works very well in the comic books, but it’s going to take a lot of thoughtfulness to make that all work and not blow the reality that we’ve created.”

Also, during the conversation, Favreau confirmed that Ed Norton will not be making an appearance in Iron Man 2… however, that doesn’t mean Hulk won’t! I know, I know… I’m just trying to start my own rumors now.

In this bot’s humble opinion, I would really like to see Marvel maybe start moving forward with an Avengers movie pretty soon. I know there is a lot of focus right now on getting the Captain America and Thor movies off the ground, but at some point, everyone is going to have to start working together towards a common goal to bring a difficult project like this together.

You can check out the rest of the interview over at MTV.

As we reported last Friday, MTV talked to Sam Raimi about the upcoming Spider-Man 4, which is hopefully going to begin shooting in March 2010. MTV promised that Raimi had more to say and they would release that in the days to come. True to their word, they have released more of their conversation with the Director, this time with regards to the villain for the fourth film. While he (obviously) didn’t reveal for sure who it would be, he did say this:

“I love the Lizard,” said Raimi. “There’s a great story there in the Marvel comic books about Dr. Connors. I’m less familiar with Carnage.”

And of course, what I think is the usual spill for Raimi when it comes to choosing the Spidey villain:

“What we’re trying to do right now is really understand the journey Peter is going to go on this time and have the villain maybe be a counter to that growth, something that he has to overcome,” Raimi said. “Or maybe he has to grow in a way to overcome the villain, because there always seem to be stories of coming of age, of a young man growing up and learning things about life, so once we are identifying the exact movement that Peter has to grow to, I think the villain-and we’re trying this right now; we’re trying to choose a villain based on who would be the proper counter to that growth, so we really have dramatic conflict.”

Kind of seems like the same song Raimi sang when it came to making the previous two sequels. Carefully choosing a villain that helps Peter progress as a character and grow as a hero (and yet we still ended up with Venom in the third film?). While this is great and all, I would really like to see Peter be the hero finally. It’s been three films now and it still seems like he is learning and not accepting this whole hero thing. I know he’s still got a long way to go, but I would like to see Spidey have more confidence in this next film and be a little more of a wise-cracking kick-ass superhero. It’s time to let Peter start figuring it out.

You can check out the rest of the story over at MTV!

It took long enough, but at long last we have a feature length trailer for the highly anticipated Toy Story 3 which hits theaters on June 18, 2010! I know people get nervous when sequels are made to great movies, but with Pixar at the helm, is anyone that concerned? Check out the trailer in full HD over at Apple!

Woody and Buzz had accepted that their owner Andy would grow up someday, but what happens when that day arrives? In the third installment, Andy is preparing to depart for college, leaving his loyal toys troubled about their uncertain future. Lee Unkrich (co-director of “Toy Story 2” and “Finding Nemo”) directs this highly anticipated film, and Michael Arndt, the Academy Award®-winning screenwriter of “Little Miss Sunshine,” brings his unique talents and comedic sensibilities to the proceedings. TOY STORY 3 will be presented in Disney Digital 3D^TM in select theaters.

And Here we go!

10) The Phantom Menace
As far as the movies go, this is a low. Not just because of annoying characters introduced (not excluding them either) but simply because it was boring. Most people forget how boring it was. The reason for this, I think, is because of how boring it actually was. Kind of like a boring catch-22.
One thing I hear a lot is that Jar-Jar was the reason the movie was bad. But In a way Jar-Jar makes this movie better. And in no way do I mean that he was entertaining or fun. The reason he makes it better is that his being so ridiculously annoying distracts from everything else that went wrong in the picture. I mean it’s easy for me to think the pod race was cool in contrast to Jar-Jar. It wasn’t until the Pod Race video game came out that I realized the veil that was pulled over my eyes.

9) Anakin Skywalker Through The Ages
Starting with how annoying he was in Phantom Menace, and god was he annoying in Phantom Menace. “It’s working, It’s working!” Geez. It’s hard to imagine how it could get any worse. But it does. Hayden Christensen. It makes me think that ‘Bad Acting’ was a listed requirement to get an audition. If the prequels weren’t a mistake he sure made them feel like one. Not to mention the cartoon voice actors that now have to imitate his stiff line reading (as opposed to acting.)
“A little more stale and more rehearsed.” I can hear the voice director saying.

8) C-3PO
I actually enjoyed him in the first three movies. Somehow. Before George Lucas had to rub our faces in the fact that he is capable of creating the most annoying characters ever conceived in the sci-fi genre. It’s truly amazing how much of your time George was allowed to waste depicting how much trouble C-3PO could get into when his head was placed onto the body of a battle droid. This wasn’t funny. This was stupid.

7) Jar-Jar Binks
I don’t think I need to say much about Jar-Jar, but I do wonder if it’s a coincidence that this character was introduced to the Star Wars universe only a short year after Ferngully 2: The Magical Rescue?

6) The Special Editions
I could get behind the whole special edition thing if it was going to bring something better to the universe. Even if that thing was just digitally adding dewbacks into the background. I mean who wouldn’t want to see that? Well that is pretty dumb. But what I really don’t like is the new Jabba’s palace scene. I think that was the most flagrant waste of time I have ever scene. Tantamount to giving Urkel a wedgie.

5) Because it has no balls
When you pit R2-D2 against a super battle droid it’s literally painful to watch them not blow the shit out of him. Wiping the Gungans off of the face of Naboo wouldn’t have hurt either. Although I will say that Luke blowing up the Death Star strangely works for me.

4) The Star Wars Holiday Special
Some might think it’s low of me to bring this up as a reason Star Wars sucks.
“Oh come on, everyone makes a mistake now and again.” They might say.
But since it was made, and some unfortunate people had to suffer through all two hours of it, I think it’s a healthy reminder to us why we shouldn’t support franchises. As one who had the dishonor of watching several minutes of this myself, I would like to remind some of you of just how bad it was.
Does anyone remember Chewbacca’s son Lumpy? Or his father Itchy? And I wonder why his wife wasn’t brought up in the actual movies?

3) The Ewok Adventures
While watching this I want everyone to take note of the fact that George Lucas has a writing credit.
He did this to you. (He’s also personally responsible for taping Carrie Fisher’s boobs to her chest in the first film.)
I want everyone also to note the fact that Swank-mo-tron bought it on both VHS, and then DVD. “For the kids.” He said.

2) The Clone Wars: Theatre Release
Jabba the Hutt’s kidnapped son? They wanted people to pay to see this?…Really?….Really?

1) Star Wars is Forever
The thing that sucks the most about the series is that it doesn’t know when to stop, and will never stop. No matter how much torture it puts us through, no matter how horrible the live action show ends up being, no matter if scientist prove that watching Star Wars deforms children, it will never stop. There’s a very good chance that in thirty years your childrens, childrens, children will be asking you to buy them the new Star Wars dream house, complete with Darth Vader’s motorcycle, and it makes me sick.

It was disclosed that Ivan Reitman would be attached to the upcoming Ghostbusters 3 project, but in what capacity? IMDB is listing him as a producer, but with no director attached yet, might he take up the mantle?

His involvement was first revealed by MTV in an interview here. Is this exciting news? Should Ivan Reitman take up the reigns and direct the third one? Or should he stick to crap (as opposed to crap sticking to him.) like My Super Ex-Girlfriend?

Personally I don’t  think they should give him another chance, in fact I wish that he weren’t even going to be attached as a producer. He is a no talent hack and has made far more bad films than good ones. Does everyone remember Junior? That was Ivan Reitman that did that to us.

A Big Idiot

I say the least they can do if he stays on the project, is make Megan Fox, or Angelina Jolie the new Janine.

In an exclusive conversaion with Spider-Man franchise director, Sam Raimi, MTV was told that he hopes to start filming the fourth installment in the first week of March, 2010:

“We’re hoping that it’s the first week in March,” said Raimi.

At the moment, pre-production is in full swing, even as screenwriter Gary Ross (“great director and a very fine writer,” said Raimi) continues to work on the script.

“He’s working on a draft,” he continued. “I just gave him some notes and he’s doing a rewrite right now.”

On other fronts, “Spider-Man 4” continues to chug along. “The production is starting to come together,” Raimi told us. “I’ve got a production designer who is starting to design the sets and the environments that the picture will take place in. We just brought aboard Scott Stokdyk as one of the two visual effects supervisors, and I worked with him on all three ‘Spider-man’ pictures.”

So far, the only major people to sign back on for a fourth movie are Kirsten Dunst and Tobey Maguire, so Raimi is still charged with the task of filling the rest of the rolls for the movie.

According to MTV, there was more revealed regarding the direction of Spider-Man 4 including conversations about the direction of the character, which villains might make the cut, and more. While I doubt there will be any major reveals with any of this, we will keep our eyes peeled for any more news coming from MTV’s “exclusive conversation” with the man behind Spider-Man!