*Spoilers ahead. You have been warned!*
Hello hello! Wonderbot is back with a review of the second episode of the new season of “True Blood”. Generally, I give a summary of the episode with commentary, because I’m watching and reviewing at the same time. Unfortunately, I had one entirely written up, and when I went to save, it managed to delete itself. So in the interest of my own sanity, today’s post will be mostly from memory. Strap in and enjoy the crazy ride!
We open the show with Jason tied to a bed (yay!) and a Hotshot hillbilly kid licking his head (boo). Jason convinces the kids to unite him when Felton busts in the door, looking like he’s hopped up on meth, holding a shotgun. Felton declares to Jason that he’s going to get f’ed.
Sidenote: Does “True blood” have the best theme, or is it just me?
Eric an Sookie have a heart to heart about who owns what. Sooks makes it clear that just because Eric bought the house, he does not own her. Eric tells Sookie that as soon as other vampires find out about her fairy blood, she’ll need his protection. Headstrong Sookie declares that she can take care of herself. Yeah, because that’s worked out in the past.
At King Bill’s palace Katerina tells Bill all about the witches’ coven and how they brought Marnie’s bird back to life. Bill tells Marnie that her role in the witches’ coven is done with, because he fears for her safety. This causes Katerina to remove her top, and hop on Bill…
Over at Fangtasia, the Fellowship of the Sun is back! They’re protesting vampires, when one of them calls Hoyt a “fang banger”. This pisses off Hoyt, and he begins to ask them how they can call themselves Christians with so much hate in their hearts (Westboro Baptist Church, anyone?). The scene ends with Pam and Jessica watching as Hoyt gets the crap kicked out of him by the good Christians. They’re powerless to do anything, because the public is waiting for another vampire to ‘ef up. Hoyt stands up for his lady. I like that.
During a run of the late night pony club, a naked Sam stumbles across an equally naked Luna. Amazingly, they resist doing it right there on the ground. Kudos HBO. Sam begins to speak about the past with Luna, and how she can feel free to share anything she wants with him. This freaks her out, and like any other mature adult, she ends the conversation by shifting into a horse and running away.
Back at King Bill’s palace Soookie is strutting her way across the cemetery, on a mission to speak to Bill. This is bad for 2 reasons. 1) Bill is totally banging Katerina and 2) Bill has some SERIOUS security since becoming King. After security clears her to meet with him, she makes a beeline for his bedroom for some reason. When she opens the door, she finds Bill and Katerina getting dressed. That’s right Sookie, he’s just not that into you.
At Jesus and Lafayette’s place Jesus is talking about how cool it was that they brought the bird back to life. Lafayette disagrees as the story takes a “Wizard f Oz”-esque turn that will have you asking yourself, “Is Marnie a good witch, or a bad witch?”. Sidenote: “Black magic” is how I refer to Lafayette.
Apparently, Sookie’s late night visit to Bill has her whining about Eric buying her house, and how she’d like Bill to get it back for her. Bill explains vampire politics in a way that says “It sucks that he bought your house. Tough shit. Move on.”, but then tells her he’ll do what he can to help her get it back. In the meantime, he advises her to stay with another human.
Flashback: London, 1982. Bill has got is punk-rock on, complete with crazy hair, eyeliner and British accent. He grabs a drink from the barkeep, and in the next scene he and the barkeep are in the back alley, and Bill is having a real drink. Bill glamors the barkeep, gives him some vitamin advice, and sends him on his way. Enter: Nan Flanagan. She expresses to Bill how impressed she is that he doesn’t kill his victims. She also explains that he is not alone. There is a group of very powerful vampires who would like to co-exist with humans, and that currently there is a scientist working on a synthetic blood to allow them to do so. She tells him that she needs vampires she can trust, and ones that are willing to help infiltrate the vampire kingdom. Bill becomes a spy for the AVL.
At Merlotte’s, Sookie apologizes, as Arlene and Terry pop in the front door with baby Mikey. Sookie tells Arlene that she can tell Mikey is an old soul, and this causes Arlene to FREAK OUT. I love watching her become unraveled.
Sheriff Andy Belfleur shows up in in Hotshot, and when he does, Felton makes sure to keep himself hidden. In the room that Jason is being held in, Crystal comes in the room, and gags Jason so he won’t yell for help. This girl is hopped up on V, and has got crazy in her eyes. Andy is looking for V, and Felton arranges for one of the other Hotshot residents to give him a vial of it. Andy takes his V (as evidence) and leaves.
Back at Merlotte’s, Luna is in Sam’s office waiting for him, looking like a hooker. She wants to apologize for the way she treated him the night before. She is forgiven, and they make out.
In the Merlotte’s kitchen Arlene and baby Mikey get into a serious staring contest. Arlene’s eyeball is suddenly cut, and she begins to lose it again, stating that baby Mikey is evil and rotten. Terry Tells baby Mikey that he doesn’t think baby Mike is rotten, just that mommy can be a little crazy at times, and that just means that they need to love her that much harder. I love Terry. Husband and father of the year.
Back at Sook’s house, good ol’ Sookie is unloading groceries when emo-zombie-demon-fairies come flying at her! Oh wait, nevermind. It’s just Tara. Tara’s “I’m trying to cry face” is the worst. It’s a cross between not being able to make herself cry, and looking like she’s trying not to let out a big fart. The. Worst. When the girls go inside the house, Sookie has to explain to Tara that despite all of the cool new things in her house, she is most certainly not banging Eric. Sookie wins best reaction of the night when she finds the cubby that Eric built for himself in her house.
At Jess and Hoyt’s place, Hoyt is icing his eyeball after the beating her received at Fangtasia. Jessica offers to give him some of her blood to help him heal faster, and he replies by saying “I don’t want any of that shit”. She become super offended by that, but offers to go to the pharmacy and grab some Advil for him to make him feel better. When she gets to the intersection to go to the pharmacy, she makes the decision to head toward Shreveport instead. Jess needs to get her groove on.
Tara pops into Merlotte’s to say “Heeeeey!” to Lafayette, and the boys invite her to the witches’ meeting. What an awesome way to welcome her back into town, guys!
Eric and Bill have a short heart to heart about Sookie’s house (“Will you sell her the house back?” “No” “Will you sell ME the house?” “No”), Bill then tells Eric about the coven, and Eric tells Bill he’ll put Pam on it. Bill insists that it MUST be Eric who takes care of the situation, as he older and more powerful than Pam. He also reminds Eric that if the witches can control the dead, that they can control the vampires. Eric is excused, but before the scene change we see how Queen Sophie-Anne met her demise. It was with a bunch of guns that had wooden bullets (with a silver core), at the hands of the AVL. After Sophie-Anne explodes, Nan comes in and makes Bill the king. Things will be cool as long as Bill doesn’t lie to Nan. Bill declares he has nothing to hide from Nan. Bill is full of shit, and has a really bad poker face.
Sookie goes running to Fangtasia to talk to Eric. When he’s not there, she takes it upon herself to talk about her woes with Pam. Pam makes it clear that she couldn’t give a shit, and maybe Sookie should try giving Eric a chance since he is rich and handsome and obsessed with her. Pam is my favorite female character on this show. Her sarcasm and no B.S. attitude, sprinkled with wisdom are one thing I look forward to week after week. Jessica pulls up to Fangtasia, shakes out her ginger locks, and goes after the boy who was hitting on her last week. She looks HONGRAY.
Back at Witches’ R Us, the group is discussing what they’re going to do next. Marnie says they’re going to bring back a dead person. The group seems split on this idea, and this is when Tara finally makes a good decision and gets the hell out of there. Something tells me she’ll be back.
Over at the late night pony club, the group is talking about the most f’ed up thing they have ever shifted into. Luna wins when she shares with the group that she shifted into her mom. See, Luna is a SPECIAL kind of shifter. She’s a “skinwalker”. Basically, the only way to become a skinwalker is to kill another shifter of your bloodline. Luna’s mom dies giving birth to her, so she is able to shift into other people, as well as other animals. So much for Sam picking a nice normal girl to settle down with! He loves those crazies… The group goes into high alert as they sense an unfamiliar shifter in their vicinity. Of course, Tommy Mickens is hiding in the bushes. He and Sam shift into birds, and Sam gives chase to Tommy.
Tara is outside calling her girlfriend, as Eric sneaks into the coven behind her.
Back at Fangtasia, Jessica is ho-ing it up in the bathroom when Sookie walks in. Sookie tries to offer a tidbit of wisdom to Jessica, and Jess doesn’t want any part of it. She tells Sookie that she has no right giving her relationship advice after the way she treated Bill. I’m liking the “Put Sookie in her place” theme of this season!
Back in the woods we share a tender naked brother moment between Sam and Tommy. Sam observes that Tommy’s leg seems to be a lot better than it was, and Tommy lets Sam know that he just wants a brother. Awwwwwwhhhh….
At the witches’ coven, Eric is putting the kibosh on the witches and tells them they need to disband, and that they had better not even THINK of regrouping behind his back, because he WILL find out. Marnie tells the witches to join hands and Eric grabs Marnie and begins to feed. Crazy Holly has all the witches join hands, and they begin to chant. At this point Tara busts in the door, sees the situation and grabs a stake. This causes Eric to release Marnie, and grab Tara instead. As soon as Marnie is free to join the group, the lights go out, and the wind stars blowing indoors. Eric looks completely freaked out as his fangs retract and he leaves.
Jason is still tied to the bed in Hotshot when Felton and Crystal come in. Crystal explains that she loves Jason, and they’ve found a way for all of them to be together. Crystal and Felton have been trying to have a baby for sometime, but have been unable to conceive (I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that inbreeding has something to do with that…) . Because of this, Crystal wants to make a baby with Jason, but to keep the panther bloodline clean, Jason has to become a panther first. Felton and Crystal shift into panthers, and begin to snack on Jason.
We end the episode with Sookie driving back to Bon Tomps. She comes across a shirtless (yay!) but totally confused (boo) Eric. It’s obvious that he doesn’t know who he is, who she is, or where he is. All he knows is that Sookie smells good.
This is another episode that left me feeling luke-warm. I just feel like there are too many characters and too many story lines to have any of it really make one really good overall story. We keep getting introduced to new characters, each one wackier than the last, and it’s becoming way too much. I know it’s only the second episode of the season, and maybe things will pick up, but the way I look at it the fairy story line is dumb. The witch story line (save the last five minutes) is dumb. Arlene’s baby’s story is boring, and so is whatever is going on with Tommy. I would REALLY like to see something amazing happen that will contribute to the overall story. Even though the show is crazy and full of ridiculousness, it hasn’t jumped the shark, and I would really really like to keep it that way.