I haven’t seriously played a video game in the last year and a half. I made a bet with a friend and so far, I have not honored it. The ante being finishing a fifty thousand word first draft of a novel. It’s still not finished. However, my progress bar is at ninety six percent completion. So many quality role playing games have come out since I made this ill advised wager so many days ago: Dragon Age 2, Skyrim, Dark Souls and Mass Effect 3 (to name a few). As many things as I have accomplished due to my self imposed sabbatical, I feel like a part of me is missing. Filling the void with television and DVD’s, I came across the Dungeons and Dragons television series circa 1983 at the local library.

The show lasted a couple of years when the oddity of Saturday morning cartoons existed. It focused on a group of friends who were sucked into a living, breathing D&D world complete with villains and five headed dragons. Their main goal: to find a way home. The six friends were each given a character class (i.e. Rogue, Ranger, Barbarian or Wizard) and a weapon. They would wander from quest to quest, helping citizens and creatures alike. At the end of each 24 minute adventure, they would be no closer to getting home. It left me feeling the frustration of Gilligan’s Island.

It got me thinking. If life was like an RPG, what kind of character would I be? Here’s what I came up with.

Let’s start with my identity or class if you will (4th edition D&D rules): I stand at 5’7” and about a buck fifty. That eliminates Paladin, Fighter, Barbarian, Avenger & Warden. When I play video games my usual choice would be something along the lines of a Rogue or a Thief. This would not carry over well to real life as my chosen profession is not a used car salesman, a politician, or a lawyer. Based on what I do for a living and/or my passions in life, my efficiencies both good and bad. My overall nature and personality would categorize me as a Bard.

Since it is one of the more rarer classes to become, I would have qualified being as how I am a human and I don’t have the skill set to really DO anything else. Technology would be ‘Magic’ in the here and now. I can barely hook my PS3, XBOX and Wii up to a flat screen (there goes Cleric, Invoker & Wizard). The only thing that would align me with the Druids would be my vegetarianism. I failed at capture the flag (Warlord is out). I fumble around in dark places. I can only do six pull ups…maybe seven on a good day, therefore Assassin is just a pipe dream. My extensive background in music saves me from being a NPC (Non-Playable character).

Then I went on to think, what kind of Bard would I be?

Would I rise to the heights of the Master Will Scarlet, as one of Robin Hood’s Merry Men? Hot tempered and adorned in well-dressed silks.

Or maybe I would be more like Allan A Dale, a drifting minstrel.

(Que music)

‪’My only ‘weapon’ being a simple harp or lute.
My lyrics illustrating tall tales and alternate histories.
Earning me the respect of the most honored street performers from Venice Beach, California to the boardwalk of Seaside Heights, New Jersey.’

Better yet, The Pied Piper! My esoteric ‘magic’ seducing those who hear it…thus finally producing a TOP 20 billboard hit.

Indeed-lofty goals to reach for. In all reality, my jack-of-all-trades, master of none lifestyle would have me working a memorabilia stand at a local Renaissance Fair or a waiter at Medieval Times. Ah yes, the power to destroy or save the world… One Ren Fair knick-knack at a time.

What kind of D&D character would you be?

-Dagobot