The entire concept of “classic gaming” blows my mind back in the day, that term had no meaning. Coming up as a youngster, video games in and of themselves were new and cutting edge technology. Now in 2013, it seems that every game has to have a story behind it, but not so in the golden era. Take ‘Galaga’ for example, you were a ship out in space shooting wave after wave of other spaceships. They never explained who these alien invaders were or what they wanted, and we just accepted it.
While lush 3D visuals of today’s generation of consoles and titles are able to seduce many gamers, solid, fun and addictive gameplay can be found even in games devoid of buttery visuals and the need for a Tegra 3 chip. Generation-defining classics such as PAC-MAN, Tetris and Sonic can be found in MANY app stores.
Two things. 1) I like ‘retro’ games as much as the current day crop. And 2) I have read this article, however…I have not edited out a single word. So with that, visualize and cast your mind back to dusty arcade cabinets, pockets full of loose change and blistered thumbs as Vourtron tells you ‘HOW TO PLAY OLD GAMES IN THE MODERN WORLD’
CHAPTER 1.
Computers: from proprietary products, to tools, and back.
In the beginning, I had a Commodore 64. It was a great product for… living the 80’s. Then, I had a PC. It got viruses and malware, so I started using it a little more defensively, and watched out for who I let in- kind of like not letting the guy who wipes his nose on his hands use my pliers. With that under control, I used those pliers for anything I could dream up. I could get any tool in my toolbox, for money or for free, and the only thing I worried about was if my hard disk would break or the power supply would burn out.
Then I bought an Apple toy, an iPhone, in these modern times. At first use, it screamed, “I am not a tool! I am a kit for Apple products”, and instead of hardware probs, (outside of the non-user accessible battery that is designs to expand and explode your phone after two years- Google that shit!), I worried just about money, like whens someone going the make that app? When’s someone going to refine that app? How can I buy that app? And I got some sweet apps and had a lot of fun and played a lot of cave shmups.
Then I had to play some Turbografx 16, and it just happened (amazingly) that the Apple store had an app for that- a Turbografx 16 emulator that let you buy from a short list of games and get your bonk on. It’s called Turbografx 16 Gamebox.
Now swap my house for an airplane and my iPhone for an iPad. I’m flying through the air, loading up some Alien Crush, and I notice my flippers are super slow (delayed– I play shmups. Do you know what that means? It means I can tell the difference between 2/60ths of a second and 3/60ths of a second with my HANDS), and the ball was sticking to the flippers in weird ways! So basically the emulation sucks. Also a little Soldier Blade just showed that this thing people call “tactile feedback” really does matter– and I can’t sidetrack this tale with the fact that it is INSANE that there’s no tactile foundation to this device, like…a video game controller! From day one! Made by apple! What the fuck were/ARE they thinking? I have this arcade circuit board at my house, Dodonpachi Daifukkatsu, that cost me 1000 fucking dollars, and that was the only way to get it for years and years. I also have it on my phone for 6 dollars, in just perfect translation. Where, on that spectrum, is there room for no one to have made a controller to play it with?
These modern “computers” (meaning iComputers) are rented out, and owned, by the guy who wipes his nose on his hands. Duh.
Chapter 2.
Turbografx search- long version.
So, a thorough goog-ling of “Turbografx on iPad” later, and I was facing the sad conclusion: I’ve got to go it alone, into the void; into the unknown. Perhaps at the expense of my priceless iPad3. But screw it, I’m sick of the functional blasphemy of recording programs with no file transferring capabilities, video games with no controllers, midi synthesizers with no midi interface, batteries that Nexus 6 your device, etc.
To be brief now, here’s what I dared to do:
1. I made my way to evasi0n.com, downloaded their program onto my laptop, and followed their instructions to plug in my iPad and jailbreak it in a few minute and couple click process.
*I think this works for any firmware LESS than 6.3- check on that. Also, it required a current version of iTunes, which I had to download and install, which took a lifetime, and I also backed up the iPad before I started, which took another lifetime. (Foreshadowing: I will NEVER fucking use that backup).
2. During that process, the Cydia app was installed. It is an App (app store) for downloading jail-broke style apps. Not a store like iTunes, but more like Amazon, where you are connected with lots of different peoples stores if you want (they’re called “sources”).
3. Looking up different sources, and goog-ling what you want, you discover that you can get any app anyones ever made for free, called “cracked”. You can even crack the apps you already have and use them on devices not registered to you and stuff like that.
The app I wanted, called PCE.emu (PC Engine is the Japanese name for Turbografx 16) was for sale on one of the sources that came supplied with the Cydia app, but the seller, a fellow named Robert Broglia, had left a note saying that his pay pal was down and that you’d have to email him back and forth and send the money a different way. I balked at that and decided to go ahead and add another source I’d found and download the cracked version. (Yes, individual people make the apps, and email you directly, and put their names on the apps).
4. It downloaded fine, and I downloaded a bunch of other stuff too, but a lot of it wasn’t working properly and the emulator was broken, and I thought I had perhaps broken my ipad. And the Cydia store wasn’t functioning properly as well as my safari browser. So, in a panic, I looked into reloading my ipod from the itunes backup (which is what I had read would always fix it, plus erase all trace of jailbreaking, if you want to cash in a warranty or something), and I discovered that you can only do this shit once, because when you reload, it also loads up the most current OS onto you ipad (which might not be jailbreakable). So, all for nothing.
5. Instead of loading the backup, I just went ahead and tried removing everything I’d downloaded and deleting all the sources I’d added. I wasn’t optimistic about it, since on a PC, if you get some malicious programs on the grid, they hide little bits of themselves all over and it’s impossible to sweep up. And it seemed like everything I had gotten from the “cracked” sources was malicious.
Then, I went ahead and emailed Robert Broglia and send him the four or five bucks, and waited for a return email. It came that afternoon, and I downloaded the emulator right then.
6. I am now -and please appreciate the gravity of this- playing Legendary Axe II on my beautiful iPad screen, on a great emulator, by pressing the buttons on my- wait for it– mother f$#&*ing Wii remote. Classic controller works too.Epilogue
I also had to download a few other apps to get it working- one called BT stack (probably from Robert Broglia again for all I know), which supersedes the ipads own bluetooth program and adds the wiimote and other things to the “discoverable” list. And an app called iFile, which lets you download files or click on file links right from your browser and save them where you want (you know, like a normal computer). My Apple iPad3 is history; my iPad3 personal computer is here to stay. I can’t believe I now have a friend like Robert Broglia, and another guy, Jay Freeman (he made the Cydia app). Look up explusalpha.com to see more or Roberts work.