Seriously, I think I was only one power surge away from getting x-ray vision, but, I guess they must build these machines more stable than I think. Otherwise, you’d have a few thousand freaks out there looking through other peoples clothing…not that I would do that with my powers…honestly!

This appointment started off easy enough, if by easy, you mean that I was 15 minutes late getting home from work when I should have. This lead to my wife having to get us there pronto on a clock ticking down ever so fast to when I was supposed to be at my appt 40 minutes away in Salt Lake City. My wife should be a Nascar driver, seriously, she’s that good, we got there right on the dot, then we were asked if we got the message that the appointment had been pushed back a half hour. They SAY they left a message on one of our phones, I’m calling total BS on that.

After being led into the room where my superpowers were supposed to manifest, I have to say I was a little saddened. From what I had read online, and generated in my imaginative brain. I had dreamed up some fantastical machine where I had to lay down, get strapped in, my eyes would be propped open like from A Clockwork Orange movie, several nurses would be calming me, giving me the eye numbing drops. The doctor, who was wearing a white lab coat, had a bitchin goatee, slender form and who was endlessly tall would hover over me with a tool that would cover my eyes, then he would hit a big switch on the wall. Perhaps he would laugh maniacally, as arcs of electricity traced through the room.

Alternatively, I was lead into a small room, a big box of a machine sat on one wall, it had a headrest for looking into, and connected to the machine was a computer with printer. After sitting in a hard chair in front of the box, and getting the headrest positioned for comfort, I has given eye numbing drops, and left to sit in the room for 20 minutes in the complete darkness. The first series of test was performed in the dark, to detect my night vision and stuff. How did we spend the time? My wife finished telling me, to the every last usable detail the ending of the book she had just read. Now, I had already invested about half an hour of listening to the beginning and middle of the book the day before. My wife has an uncanny ability to explain a books’ story to you with a surgical like precision, even though I haven’t read anything past the title of the book. I know exactly what happens, hell, I could give you an excellent review and summary of the book even though I haven’t read it. Maybe I should claim I just put the book on my chest and read it all the way through absorbing the words to my body using Osmosis. There has to be money in that somewhere, though, I’m getting off topic. The downside to this excellent ability my wife has, is that I know the whole Twilight Series in absolute detail without reading any of the books, mark that up as good or not under your own notes.

The doctor came back after us sitting in the room for a time, and explaining that even he couldn’t see, so I got to feel and hear him touching around to find the tools he needed. After putting in some more ‘insurance’ eye numbing drops, which unlike insurance, doesn’t make you feel any safer. He attached a clip to my earlobe to act as a ground of the electrical currents. Then, he put in the contact lenses that were attached to the machine onto my eyes. Now, if you are of the faint of heart or easily weirded out by errr, weird images. You should probably skip past the picture below.

Superhero abilities, here I come.

That was taken after the ‘dark’ portion of the testing was over, basically, you stare into the box as a red, blue, and white light flash for about 2 minutes, then it is all done. For the ‘daytime’ portion of the test, you stare again in the light now, but only get a white light, and then a strobe light flash, and well, that’s it. I frowned on the inside as I stared around with blurry vision, my contact lenses were out so it was hard enough to see. The science part of this all way intriguing to me, when the flashes of light flickered on, the special contact lenses picked up the electrodes on my eyes responses to the light. Seriously, how does someone come up with something like this? Was there a guy sitting around one day and said, “You know, I’m going to build a machine that flashes a light as someone’s eye, and they will wear this thing that picks up the information and graphs it on a chart.” I guess I answered my own question to that, because obviously there was. Science is awesome, when can I place a pre-order on getting my Cyborg parts to give myself an upgrade to my body?

I was done after all of this, we sat and talked about the results, which were immediate, it was very informative. Though, I had one big thing on my mind, it was only after concentrating REALLY hard on the wall in front of me, I failed to peer into the other side, I was gaining sadness. Superpowers Gained Immediately: 0, Superpowers Gained that I don’t know about yet because they haven’t manifested: Who knows!