We have a feature here at BSR! that is fully interactive. Ask Sextelligence a question and she answers. Any question about whatever you want. Not sure how to let that girl in the Scott Pilgrim shirt know that you’re into comics but aren’t a creepy hentai collecting freak? She’s got you covered. Ask away at Facebook, Twitter, our forum, or in the comments.

Hello everyone. Since I’m the boss here, I’m going to interupt our weekly questions and answers with a diversion. I’d like to answer this week’s questions with a question of my own. It will be in acronym form. And here it is.

WTF?

Seriously guys. The cool robot guys create a forum and one of its features could get you advice so good, it could get you laid.  And you all fuck it up. What follows is an actual thing that happened:

Subject: Ask Rosie your questions:

This should help!

-Milwaukeemachineman

Let’s see if the Kiddies get this one right!

“Why is a Woman like a Screen Door?”
-Milwaukeemachineman

(Sextelligence note: Let me sum this response up for you and save us some time. Yadda yadda, dorky website that googles a preset question for you.)

And the answer is “After a few bangs, they both loosen up.”
-Jason

You gotta go to Google for that one! Cheater!!!!!!

another one,

What do a hex nut and a call girl have in common?
-Milwaukeemachineman

And so on.

I won’t embarrass us all with more of the gory details.

So, you have a chance to ask a specially programmed sex robot all of your dating and sex questions. What do you do? You tell each other adult Laffy Taffy jokes. I’ll wait while that sinks in.

Ready? Ok.

I’m concerned that if I hadn’t shed light on this situation, you guys would have met up for blue darts or something and the rest would be a sad, sad segment on ” target=”_self”>Web Soup.

Let this be a lesson to all of us.

Now, let’s answer some questions.

Dear Sextelligence,

Are are you going to hook me up with a sexy robotic android from the future?

P.S.

I need her to be fully functional…. down there

Thank you for your assistance

-Substance Dii

Oh, Substance Dii. My heart goes out to you. I’m wondering what in your life has led you to qualify a request for a blind date with the stipulation that she has a functioning vagina? On second thought, I’m probably being a little closed-minded assuming “down there” means “I want vagina.” In fact, many people likely have healthy, happy relationships based entirely on different, creative ways of making love and I refuse to be part of the unwashed horde judging alternative-lifestyle robots. So if I have any sexy, single friends that are into foot fetish sex or pony play, you’re at the top of my set-up list.

Dear Sextellience,

What kind of lubrication is best when it comes to cybernetic butt sex? Do you go for the usual w-d 40 or is astroglide an option? Please answer.
-Hump_The_Rear_Circuit

I’m so glad you wrote because this has been at the top of my bitch list all week. Seriously, who still has cybernetic butt sex? I mean, why don’t you just stamp “I’m a neanderthal with a tiny penis” on your head? The only way you can still have butt sex and be cool is to get back to the basics: Boolean butt sex. And the only kind of lubricant that works for Boolean butt sex is AND, OR, NOT, and XOR brand.

See you next week. Happy humping!