Happy Mothers’ Day to all our robo-mommies and potential materno-bots out there. We salute you and the sacrifices you all have made/are making to bring us into this world.
And what better way to salute our mothers than with a roundup of our favorite and least favorite moms? Swank did a great list a few years ago, but with him out of the country, we put our electronic heads together and came up with the following list.
Citizen-Bot:
Where to start? There are just too many. I’m going to start listing off a couple– everyone else feel free to jump in whenever they want.
Lorelai Gilmore: A successful mom who often acted more like the child in the relationship, Lorelai had it all. She was also great at her job, (eventually) got the man who was both right for her and that she deserved, and she did it all on her own terms. But any mom who raises a child as spectacular as Rory Gilmore should also be proud.
Claire Huxtable: Forget the boring tv moms of the 60s and 70s. Clair Huxtable puts them all to shame. With a successful career of her own, she also still managed to take care of all of those kids, the eldest of whom was Cliff.
Ellen Ripley: I know, not technically a mother. But they way she treated little Newt is perhaps the best example of motherhood one could have. Oh, and those alien babies she had in the fourth movie, I guess.
Vagabond Prime:
The Queen Xenomorph: Big, shiny, and slimy, that’s how we like our hot moms. Not only was the Queen in Aliens cool to look at, but she went all bug-nuts when Ripley blew up the egg chamber. Any mother who saw her children slaughtered could do what she did: Climb up an exploding elevator shaft just to hang off of a shuttle in the vacuum of space. Small sacrifice for a little revenge!
Citizen-Bot: Yeah, well I think my Ripley completely pwned your mother. Who’s the baddest mother now, “you bitch!”?
Vagabond Prime: Sure, a 120 pound woman is going to climb a ladder during explosive decompression with a 1200 pound gribbley wrapped around her ankle. Victory by way of COMPLETE DEFIANCE OF PHYSICS.
Citizen-Bot: Touche. Speaking of baaad mothers. . I nominate:
Catelyn Stark: You know, except for being branded a traitor by her eldest son and not knowing where four of her kids are for the vast majority of the A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones saga, she was a great mom. But somehow that doesn’t compare to. . .
Daenerys Targaryan: Mother of Dragons, bitchez!!! Can’t beat that! Except that she let her actual infant son be killed to try to save her husband. But you know, whatevs. She has dragon babies now, and that’s all that matters.
Helen Parr/Elastigirl: Maybe the ultimate superhero mom ever. The way she talks to her kids and helps them deal with this situation that they were never prepared for is so admirable. I still tear up when I watch The Incredibles, and she’s the main reason why.
President Laura Roslin: Again, not an actual mother, but if Bill Adama was the patriarch of the surviving human race, Laura Roslin was its matriarch. Nurturing and empathetic when she needed to be, hard-nosed and strict when she had to be, she always tried to strike that right balance. The biggest mistake she ever made, though, was not tossing Tom Zarek out of an airlock the first chance she had.
Joyce Summers: Buffy’s mom kept her grounded in life. Joyce was an important confidante, of course, only after two seasons of blissful (willful?) ignorance at what her daughter was doing out so many nights. She made mistakes. She apologized. She tried to be involved with her daughter(s) and their supernatural lives, but just didn’t “get it”– the bane of every parent of a teenager. And then came the moment when I think the entire series jumped the shark: her death. I still haven’t really forgiven Joss Whedon for this. As important and poignant as it was, it just made me sad. I was so disturbed I have to admit, I had a hard time watching Buffy after that moment.
Marge Simpson: named after Matt Groening’s actual mother, it’s amazing how much she is able to tolerate. Marge is the only person precocious little Lisa can actually turn to, as she’s otherwise surrounded by idiots. And then two of my favorite episodes are Marge-centric: the Canyonero episode, and, of course, the instant classic “Marge vs the Monorail.”
Vagabond Prime:
Sarah Connor from Terminator: the Sarah Connor Chronicles: I think Lena Headey did an amazing job playing Sarah Connor, and may have improved on the character from the movies. You could tell she would do anything to keep her son safe, and at times would get pretty rough with John trying to keep his head in the game. It was the little scenes, though, that would clue you in on what Sarah had sacrificed; love, a regular life, any sense of security. Awesome mom!
Citizen-Bot: Yes, I much preferred this mothering performance by Lena Headey to her Cersei Lannister, or her “Mama” in Dredd 3D. Those were not good mothers. Sarah Connor? Yes. But I wonder what she thought about her son having sex with a Terminator? (C’mon, you know they were.)
Vagabond Prime: She’d be cool with it, as long as he wore protection. You know she’d be all up on a Kyle Resse-bot if they sent one back!
The Borg Queen: She just wanted to bring perfection to the Borg, and she saw everyone in the universe as worthy of being Borg. The fact that no-one wanted her selfless gift makes her the most tragic mother of all! The Borg Queen is like the ultimate, non-discriminating foster parent: She wants to “add the biological and technological distinctiveness of other species to [their] own… [in pursuit of] perfection”. See? She’s not so bad! She wants everyone to be perfect, and anyone can be part of the family!
Citizen-Bot: If a mother, then she’s also creepily Oedipan. When she tries to seduce Data? That’s like the beginning of a disturbing porno: “Hot Foster Parents and their Kids 9.” Or something.
Scarlett Robotica: I have to add Beatrix Kiddo from Kill Bill to this list. Okay, yes, she killed her daughter’s father (hence the name of the films), but he shot The Bride in the head! And the Deadly Vipers killed her entire wedding party. The groom, the minister and his wife, Samuel L. Jackson, the bridesmaids . . . no wonder she came out of a coma to seek vengeance. But to praise her as a mother, once she found out she was pregnant, she said goodbye to the assassination business and her beloved Bill, and she did what she thought best to protect her unborn child. Even marrying Tommy and working in a record store.
Also, Lily Potter in the Harry Potter books and films. When she sacrificed herself out of love for her son, she not only saved his life, but she also destroyed (though temporarily) He Who Shall Not Be Named. It is because of her that Harry grew up to be the wizard that ultimately destroyed Voldemort and became The Boy Who Lived. He lived because his mother loved him more than her own life.
***
And because every ying needs a yang, let’s talk about the worst mothers who we also love:
Citizen-Bot:
You can’t have a list of bad mothers without Mommy Dearest.
No! Wire! HANGERS!!!!!!!!
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNn0lpwhoU4
BRING ME THE AXE!!!!
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pvEjPBXZrk
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSGXe-x-E9g
Mallory Archer/Lucille Bluth: I’m putting these two together because they’re both superbly played by the redoubtable Jessica Walter and because she seems to not give two craps for the well-being of her son(s).
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2us7jR6C2b8
Mom from Futurama: Oh, Mom. No matter your scheme for world domination using your friendly robots, you always somehow almost make it. But for the ineptitude of your idiot sons, (We’re owl exterminators!) you might have done it. And I think my favorite version of you is where you turned into a dragon in Bender’s Game. But nothing can be said better than by Comrade Greeting Card:
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmQ1Sh__3II