Watching Transformers was like passing a kidney stone.

How hard is it to make a movie about giant robots that turn into cars and airplanes that fight other giant robots that turn into cars and airplanes?

Michael Bay, a visionary has outdone himself, yet gain with a bitchin’ new subtitle for Transformers 2: Rise of the Fallen.

Does Rise of the Fallen mean that this might rise up above the fallen expectations of the first piece of shit that was so tactfully marketed as a movie? Fuck no. It means that the turd that was seemingly flushed down the crapper is rising back up from the pipes so when we go to take a leak and look in the toilette it’ll be there, waiting for us, like some ominous presence, peering into our souls and breaking us down. I think Rise of the Fallen is the perfect title for the sequel. What can we expect in the sequel? Lots of loud noises, big explosions and hunks of metal wrestling around to the point where you have no clue what’s going on. Oh, and Shia LeDoufus and a hypersexualized 16 year old girl, who for some strange reason, has the “right” amount of sweat on her body to have horny teenagers and middleaged men forget that she can’t act, she’s just there for eye candy, like the cars and special effects.

Here’s a question:

Alien robots come to earth to wage war with one another, boy caught in middle of it with girl he has crush on. Will boy get girl?

Answer:

Who gives a shit?

Want a sequel to Transformers?

Take your toys from when you were a kid, a camera and film it yourself.

P.S.

Your car does not turn into a fucking robot.