I assure you that is not a typo. At long last, the trailer for acclaimed director Axel Braun’s newest porn parody has dropped. It’s quite timely, as Braun’s Wonder Woman adaptation is making history for getting the costume right where some major network attempts have failed so very miserably.
I will admit that I am a little out of the visual porno loop. I prefer my smut in written form (which reminds me, if I die Swank is in charge of clearing my browser history), but I highly encourage everyone to give any kind of smut a try. And there’s no judgement in the use of that word, either. Smut is healthy, not dirty. Well, I take that back. I’ve seen “Hump that Rump.” But I digress. Below the trailer is my real-time thought-process live-blog for your enjoyment.
:05 – I bet that title sequence cost more than the rest of the movie.
:10 – I’m actually moderately surprised that RDJ isn’t in this.
:34 – I don’t want to watch that guy in the middle have sex with someone.
:53 – Dale DeBone? Shut. Up.
:59 – So, these effects are not terrible. Like, at all.
1:04 – oh wait no the strobe light was kinda bad.
1:06 – Ooh! Brooklyn Lee! I’ve heard of her! But only because she’s number 14 in this list.
1:10 – OK, Widow and Pepper, wait. Who’s the Asian lady? Lady Deathstrike? No, Lady Deathstrike in a porno would be a terrible idea.
1:14 – Once you go Cage…. Um… Bage, dage, mage? No. Rage? I dunno.
1:20 – Is that supposed to be The Mandarin? The Man-he’s-in. Wait that’s probably a different type of porno.
1:26 – Derrick Pierce and Lexington Steele. Now THOSE are porn names!
1:31 – Oh man. I really want to know what the Ten Rings are.
Some post viewing thoughts – I’m sure these videos are aimed at men. Historically the porn industry is supported by the 13 – death 18 – 35 age demo, and I assume because there are five ladies and only two men listed in the credits (I’m assuming Lexington Steele is a woman – I didn’t look it up), Iron Man XXX is not aiming for a different crowd. But, Axel. I gotta tell ya. Google “stony fanfic.” It is a veritable goldmine, and proof positive that the ladies would be waaaaay into some variation thrown into the tried and true porn film formula. Which is not to say I am criticizing Mr. Braun’s body of work. If you tell me you are not even a teensy bit curious about Chyna as a XXX She-Hulk, I will straight up call you a fibber.
So what say you, frisky readers? Are these films furthering the stereotype that we are lonely, perverted basement dwellers? Or is Vivid merely capitalizing on a huge trend that happens to be our niche (the comics, not the porn)? But more importantly, please list your favorite super-hero porn names below.