Jennifer’s Body is the much anticipated follow up from writer Diablo Cody, whom everyone seemed to think was something special after Juno. Starring Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried who play BFF’s until one of them is accidentally transformed into a succubus. It was directed by the lady that directed Aeon Flux, whose name isn’t worth my time to look up.

I don’t know what I was most annoyed with by this movie, was it the hip style of talking that every character possessed that is supposed to be funny but seldom is?  Was it the lack of a compelling story? Or was it the lack of horror in this horror film? The answer is all of these things and much more.

Everyone knows that Diablo Cody used to be a stripper, but not only were there no boobs in this movie, there also weren’t any skanky asses, or even that much cleavage. That’s right! You are expected to pay the full price of admission for a lack of horror, and comedy that drags on for a little over an hour and a half.

On the plus side, this movie managed to feel three hours long in a little over half that much time. I don’t know how they were able to accomplish this, but it seems to me if you could package this and sell it as a time decelerator, there might be some money to be made. Just throwing that out there.

Personally the worst thing for me was the fact that it wasn’t so bad that I was laughing at it, nor was it good enough to enjoy. It was bad, and in the most boring way. Sure there were a few needless flashbacks that felt as if they were so poorly written you could laugh, but it wasn’t nearly consistent enough.

It seemed to me that for the most part, this movie was about a creature. But this element was about the weakest point in the whole thing. I could properly sum up the whole succubus mythology introduced in just a few short sentences, which they do several times throughout the movie. And god were the people that turned Megan Fox into the creature annoying. But watching them get killed wasn’t rewarding at all……Oh yeah spoiler alert for the last sentence.

Anyway, my next point. Megan Fox is exactly as annoying as she is hot, and those things cancel each other out. Unless she was naked, and then her hotness might overtake the annoying for a second. Cutting to the center of the problem, I think she is a horrible actress.

To sum it all up, I was just kidding. This is a great movie, take your kids to see it, and your grandma. Bring the wife at your own risk, because you will be so turned on by how hot this movie is, she might get jello. If you know what I mean.

I rate this movie 9 out of a mysterious number called a googolplex. Look it up.