In a shocking turn of events the first official poster for Breaking Dawn – Part 1 is suprisingly lacking in the brooding character department. Nowhere to be found are a single mopey teenage girl, a glittering pedophile vampire, nor a hunky werewolf (What? The dude is pretty ripped).
I imagine the conversation of how to design this poster went something like this:
“So, we need to make another Twilight poster.”
“Damnit. Really? How many more of these are there?”
“Just one more after this. But seriously, this is due to the studio execs in like twenty minutes.”
“Okay, okay. How about Bella and Edward holding each other longingly?”
“No, we did that with the first movie.”
“Right. How about then we put Bella, Edward and Jacob all on the poster standing there, each looking off into different directions with brooding expressions on their faces?”
“New Moon.”
“Damnit! Okay, what about that same idea, but they are all looking at the camera with brooding expressions?”
“Eclipse.”
“I really can’t think of any more ways to put a teenage girl who suffers from chronic depression, a 100+ year old vampire who’s into young girls, and a werewolf who apparently doesn’t own a single shirt on a poster that’s going to appeal to this fanbase.”
“Hey, check out this image that came up when I did a Google Search for ‘Dawn Breaking’!”
“Nice! Throw the title over that! Who gives a shit anyways? Let’s go get a beer.”
In any case, if you click the poster image above you can see the high-res version that has pretty much nothing on it. Gawd-Almighty I can’t wait for the last installment of this movie to be released so this will all just be done and over with. How did I end up being the one to cover this stuff for BSR?! Twilight is in the top three things I absolutely hate in this world! Honestly! Check out my list:
1. Politics
2. Hitler Twilight
3. Hitler
4. Bono
5. Banana Pudding
6. People with Bad B.O.
7. People who are obsessed with In N’ Out
8. People who bring their crying children to grown-up movies
9. People who make eye contact with me
10. People in general
See?! It actually bumped Hitler down a place!
Naw. In all seriousness I love writing about this stuff. There are few things in this world that bring me joy like getting Twilight fans all worked up in a hissy-fit.
You know the drill. Tell me how much you love Twilight and hate me in the comments below!