Everyone’s favorite beefcake Armie Hammer was officially given the title role in The Lone Ranger, something which had been rumored and in the works for weeks. He joins the long-announced Johnny Depp as Tonto in this project, long stuck in development hell, which now looks like it might actually be moving forward, and I think Hammer is a great choice.
I’ll be the first to admit, I know little more about The Lone Ranger than just the very basics: radio serial, he wore a mask, rode a horse, had a sidekick named Tonto who called him “Kemosabe.”
The rest I know from my favorite Lyle Lovett song, “If I Had a Boat”:
The mystery masked man was smart
He got himself a Tonto
‘Cause Tonto did the dirty work for free
But Tonto he was smarter
And one day said kemosabe
Kiss my ass I bought a boat
I’m going out to sea
I’m doubting that’s the actual plot, or else I would’ve thown up a “spoiler alert.”
So, that being said, how do you make this work for a 21st century audience?
Well, first, I hope they forego the 3D. Seriously. Give it a rest.
Then, look at what’s been working among similar films. Western motif? Look no further than True Grit to see folks will eat it up.
Second, I hope they take a look at The Green Hornet: it didn’t take itself too seriously, and they made the sidekick the real badass of the duo.
Third, if you follow that advice, I hope you also keep Johnny Depp toned down. Tonto can’t be anything like Jack Sparrow. Like CIA Agent Sands in Once Upon a Time in Mexico? You’re getting closer, but even take it down another notch.
And then hopefully Armie can play somewhere between big dumb eye candy and hapless hero. This is a great choice in my opinion. I can only hope we hear even more soon as this production moves forward.