Recently, a large crowd of QAnon believers gathered in Dallas, Texas to see JFK Jr return from the dead. In a rainy Dealey Plaza (the location where his father President John F Kennedy was assassinated back in 1963), the masses waited for the reanimated Junior to appear and reinstate Donald Trump as president. Let the record show that John F. Kennedy, Jr was killed in a plane crash over twenty years ago.
I have questions. Many questions.
First, when will these cult members eventually kill themselves Jim Jones style?
Not to poke holes in their theory here, but by their guidelines, JFK Jr was never actually president, so even if his ghost or corpse appeared to anoint Trump as emperor, he has no authority to do so. What am I thinking? JFK Jr. doesn’t need to be President to crown the next Monarch of the United States of America. That duty falls to the Supreme Chancellor of the Secret Government, WHICH HE IS. Or maybe George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, and Thomas Jefferson will descend from Mount Rushmore (as stone giants, of course) and channel all of their presidential power into Trump, making him the first and only Super Ultra Mega President. He will then float into the Oval Office, vaporize Biden like Dr. Manhattan, and the entire world will bow down before his power.
That is actually no less plausible than ALL this bullshit.
You’d think at some point these people would grow tired of being disappointed that every prediction Q ever made has not come true, and being laughed at all the time.
A quick primer on The Q Cycle:
1- Invent a crazy conspiracy theory
2- Everybody makes fun of you
3- Double-down on your theory and tell everybody it will come true on a specific date
4- That day comes and goes, but your theory doesn’t come true
5- Everybody makes fun of you again
6- Claim the Deep State, the FBI, China, Devil-Worshippers and Colonel Sanders are all conspiring against you, and that’s why your batshit-crazy conspiracy theory didn’t come true.
7- Repeat
Seriously, how did we get here?
Asbestos? Leaded gasoline? A heap of Dunning-Kruger? An overwhelming, crippling fear of the unknown which requires that one find ‘answers’ for everything and provide structure to the inherent chaos of the universe? A gutted education system, combined with the ability of social media to turn outcasts into out-groups, combined with a bone-deep need to believe things rather than think about them. Add a healthy dash of privilege, stir in 300 years of systemic failure?
This all feels like a more weaponized “John Birch Society” or “protocols of the elders of zion” type of crazy rather than the Church of the Subgenius or other Dada-esque type of crazy where the absurdity is part of the message. These guys aren’t trying to levitate the pentagon, or protesting Scientology by covering themselves in Vaseline and running naked through the lobby, or even trying to combat violent crime through transcendental meditation. They’re shooting up Pizza places and trying to kill Congress. Five people died on January 6th because of this. This is not about the lulz, it’s about violence as a political tool.
I have to believe that at least a significant minority of these creatures, if not a majority of them, are just Poe’s Lawing us all. Because if I were to believe that so many people are that incredibly delusional…I don’t even know. I can’t even fathom the depth of my depression and terror at that point. So let me believe it’s Poe at work, and quoth the QAnon when asked if they’re for real, “Nevermore.”