Earlier today, Swankmotron alerted several of us to an image that he saw spreading around his Facebook friends like chlamydia at Spring Break.
Swank was outraged. So was I. Sithbot wanted to recreate the photo but with him in the bikini. Other reactions among the robots varied from “It’s not funny” to “She’s not that hot” to “mild outrage” to “MASSIVE CLOG IN I/O PORT – PLEASE REBOOT.” But we got to talking about sexism in the geek community, especially among gamers, and with the mother of all Cons right around the corner and much cosplay to be had in San Diego, it seemed like a good time to talk about something we’ve needed to say for a while.
First, let me talk to the ladies.
Women, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that in the year 2013 we have to be having this conversation with adult men who should’ve left this kind of jackoff immature thinking back in the 7th grade. But maybe it’s the arrested development that has come from being immersed in video games since those formative years. Maybe it’s the ease with which we can find at any hour of the day hot-and-cold-running porn from every spigot of the internet satisfying every desire that Rule 34 could ever conceive of. Maybe it’s just a few bad apples we’re talking about here.
But whatever our reason, our heart or our shoes, this behavior is ridiculous. It’s depressing that this sort of objectification worthy of only the deepest recesses of Roger Sterling’s mind keeps occurring. As much as we, as men, may love or appreciate your various curves and lady parts, that doesn’t make you sex objects whose responsibility it is to “fix” our “relationships” by regular application of oral gratification.
Nor does it make it any person’s duty to fix any relationship through any other act, whether sexual or domestic. Man, woman, gay, straight, or even the occasional robosexual marriage — it’s doesn’t make a difference. If relationships were as easy as figuring out who does the dishes and how often to have sex, then every relationship would work. The onus is not on one partner any more than any other to initiate coitus or cleaning or communication. That’s why we are partners, not master and servant. (Unless that’s your thing. In which case, always remember to have a safe word. And don’t use 50 Shades of Grey as a guidebook.)
There’s also real sexism going on at this very moment, and a very real assault against a woman’s rights regarding her own lady-parts and a bunch of men (and some women, too) trying to legislate their morality onto them. My office is literally three blocks from the Texas State Capitol, where I’m sure some of you have seen what’s been going on the past few weeks. Some of my best friends have been there for long hours. So have I, but not to the extent that a lot of the best folk I know have been. So this is, to me, all part and parcel of the same problem.
Which is women being viewed as somehow not possessing the same reason, dignity, sense of self, and worth as human beings that someone by virtue of his Y chromosome and his penis somehow do. So if you think I’m overreacting to a dumb picture on the internet, I most certainly am. Am I feeding something that came off the assembly line at Trolls R Us? Absolutely. But only because this is the final straw on an incredibly overburdened sexist camel.
Next, to the dudes.
And first of all, let me be clear– I think it’s obvious from the context who made this and who’s been passing it around. It’s guys who would’ve been old enough to own an NES back in the 80’s, so that means dudes who are now in their 30’s and 40’s. I’m talking to you, my generation of gamers. And anyone else who could bear to learn this lesson.
Dudes, come on. Let’s think about this for a second. Most of us are incredibly lucky to have found someone who legitimately enjoys spending time with us and who likes to have naked sexy time fun with us. Why screw that up? Why put it on our partners and objectify them with a lame reference to a game system from (shudder) 25 years ago?
And if you don’t have somebody to share your life and your bed, then here’s a pro tip: Girls aren’t attracted to idiotic douchebaggery like this.
Also, it doesn’t look like blowing on our cartridges actually helped. In fact, it seems to have hurt more than helped. So, in the grand scheme, your joke is as offensive as it is stupid, funny, and inaccurate.
And no, this is not the same as those ironic t-shirts we’ve seen around with various permutations of the following:
The above, while playful and filled with innuendo, is not even in the same county, much less the same ballpark, as a picture basically telling women that if they give menfolk BJs then we’ll be happy, and that’s all women are really there for, right? To wear skimpy outfits and make us happy? See the difference? Moving on:
Men, we have Comic-Con coming up in a couple of weeks, and we need to be on our best behavior. Just because a girl has dressed up in a cosplay outfit does not give you the right to ogle her, touch her, make unwanted advances towards her, and so on. In fact, Con harassment continues to be a growing issue. Doubt it? See this epic throwdown on Facebook between some Creepster of Level 85 proportions and a female cosplay enthusiast. This makes me sick.
Look, I know you like Slave Leia. So do I. But hands off.
If a really cute girl is dressed up as Poison Ivy or Powergirl or Tifa or Cammy or Ms. Marvel and you have the urge to be a perv, repeat this to yourself: “She is not here for my entertainment. This girl is a person just like me trying to enjoy herself just like me. I will be polite if I ask for a picture. I will not say anything that objectifies her or a part of her body. I may try to have a pleasant conversation with her as one person does with another, but if she has to leave to go do something else, I will be a kind person to her and be respectful.”
Who knows? You be a decent human being to some of these people and you might start an actual human relationship with them, even a purely platonic one. Maybe if you can be a decent human being and not a total pervert you could even get a romantic relationship out of it. People find love at Comic Con all the time. But not from skeevy dudes ogling a girl because of the way the spandex makes her boobs look, mmkay? No girl is heading to Comic Con saying, “I really hope some guy makes catcalls and whistles at me and pinches my ass and disrespects me and calls me a name like Tits, because I’d really like to have casual sex with a guy like that.” So don’t be that dude.
Next, let’s talk about the sexism in the gaming world, bros. You know what I mean. Especially if you’re on XBL. (I actually think the racism and the homophobia is worse in online gaming, but let’s tackle one problem at a time) First, as we learned from Jay and Silent Bob, women actually don’t like being called bitches. Besides, it’s much more hilarious to use that insult towards close friends whom you just pwned.
Second (and maybe this is just for the developers out there), quit referring to it as “Girlfriend mode.” How about the “girlfriend mode” is you both play a game of varying difficulty based on your skills, which are not at all pre-defined by your gender, race, or background.
You know who needs to use girlfriend mode? Me. Because I kind of suck at a lot of video games. Look at my home console and who has more achievements and unlocks? My wife, my daughter, then me.
And then. . .then there was this:
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6y4lVtOKdZg
Was the Microsoft producer really making a rape joke? Well. . .is the Thicke song Blurred Lines about rape?
Well, I guess it’s to be expected in an industry so dominated by men, which is most likely the larger, less easily solvable problem. The tech community is not woman-friendly. For evidence, I merely point to this Buzzfeed article with a list seven miles long of the recent instances of sexual harassment and demeaning behavior in the industry, especially at conventions.
Here’s the thing. . . I’m not saying this was necessarily about gender. In fact, I think this was almost completely subconscious and, for lack of a better term, “normal” for what this producer would do if he were playing this game with anyone. (Ok, “normal” for someone from Microsoft with their aggressive cryptofascist conformity. . .Zzzing!) What is somewhat ridiculous is that this kind of trash talk is acceptable between dudes playing games. Any insinuation that “this will all be over soon so you should just sit back and take it” is maybe a little too sexually aggressive, even between bros of the highest order.
I mean, teabagging is ridiculous and childish and demeaning, but it’s not rape. See? Childish and silly, but not violent.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9uBvoYLvYE
Ok, that might cross the line, too. But see, gents, this is the issue. We can be awesome and win in video games and not beat our chests about it like a bunch of damn dirty apes. We don’t need to be any more violent than the content we’re already playing, and we can have fun and celebrate our victory without insinuating rape.
Now, some may ask why get so upset over this picture? If we can’t enjoy this, what can we enjoy? First of all, enjoy whatever makes you happy. I’m not trying to be the content police. I’m just trying to intervene in a situation that has seemed out of control for a long while. Anyway, I just happened to find this art floating around on teh interwebz and think it’s worth a second look.
And herein lies the lesson. Something can be sexy and not demeaning. In this art piece, a female artist (a female? GASP!) has reappropriated the Bettie Page pinups from the 40’s and turned Bettie into a stormtrooper. This fits with a lot of other sci-fi and fantasy or geeky themed art, including things like Star Wars themed burlesque. And yes, women can be sexual and it can be empowering.
If they’re doing it for themselves and because they want to, not just because it’s expected of them to “make a man happy.”
There’s a fine line to be tread here, certainly, but I think we should just simply say that we should stand on the side of things which are empowering, not degrading. Fun and flattering, not forced or demanded. And that goes for a person of any gender, of any sexuality.
And finally this. This, which blew my mind, and any person who loves cinema, who loves art, should see. Dustin Hoffman breaks down talking about Tootsie and his transformation into being a woman:
“If I was going to be a woman, I would want to be as beautiful as possible. And they said to me, ‘Uh, that’s as beautiful as we can get you.’ And I went home and started crying to my wife, and I said, ‘I have to make this picture.’ And she said, ‘Why?’ And I said, ‘Because I think I’m an interesting woman when I look at myself on screen, and I know that if I met myself at a party, I would never talk to that character because she doesn’t fulfill, physically, the demands that we’re brought up to think that women have to have in order for us to ask them out.’ She says, ‘What are you saying?’ and I said, ‘There’s too many interesting women I have not had the experience to know in this life because I have been brainwashed.’ It was not what it felt like to be a woman. It was what it felt like to be someone that people didn’t respect, for the wrong reasons. I know it’s a comedy. But comedy’s a serious business.”
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPAat-T1uhE
Thanks, men. And thank you, ladies. Let’s all be a little kinder and a little less dehumanizing to each other out there.