If you’re a regular follower of this column, you may know that sometimes I like to feature a character whose origins are tied into a current storyline. Today’s column is one of those. Unfortunately, those of you who were looking forward to the more lighthearted fare I promised last week will have to wait longer, in the meantime, have some ultra-violence as I relate to you the Secret Origin of Emperor Kurr!
Yes, Emperor Kurr. Regardless of what the title might say, this is “his” story. As we go on, you’ll realize why. We open on a starship orbiting the Earth. The Emperor orders all of its inhabitants be killed! You see, Kurr is of a race of nomadic aliens, dedicated to finding a planet they can call home. This is an admirable, if somewhat lofty, goal. Kurr wants his orders carried out immediately, but thankfully for those of us who live here on Earth, his advisors are a bit more level-headed.
Emperor Kurr, rocking the codpiece.
The advisors are very reasonable with their objections. Arguments like, there are billions of humans, it is against their beliefs to commit genocide, the fact that their prophecies say another planet will come along, Kurr is having none if it though, He says he wants this planet. There is more dissension in the ranks, so Kurr resorts to threats. This puts his advisors in line for the time being, but it also makes them see that their leader is an insane, psychopathic glory hound. They want to show him the error of his ways, they have the terrestrial broadcasts, but Kurr refuses to watch them. Drastic measures are to be taken and the advisors plan to abduct a human to prove how similar the two races really are.
In the meantime, Kurr addresses his empire. He tells them Earth is inhabited by primitive life, and while it pains him to do it, he has decided to eradicate them for the good of his people. What a guy. He then leads them in prayer, which given the scene directly before this one makes you want to kick him in the alien nutsack. Back in the lab, we see out two de facto protagonists have obtained a specimen.
Behold, The Savior of the Human Race! (no, really)
Through exposition, we find that our wayward human here is nearly genetically identical, aside from pigment and fin-heads. While this news is remarkable, our heroes realize that Kurr is way too far gone to listen to reason, and have to proceed a different way. It’s revealed that Kurr is one of the “chosen ones” a genetic offshoot of their race that are so adaptable, that their line are the default rulers of finny society. If only Kurr had an heir… that’s where poor, poor Geeta comes in. She makes her way to Kurr’s bedchamber and offers herself to him. Kurr informs her she does so at her peril, but knowing her duty she does so anyway. She may have wanted to rethink that…
There's a head joke here, but this scene is just too gruesome for jokes.
Kurr’s aides/advisors come to clean up the scene, remarking again to themselves how far off the deep their emperor has gone. Hope is not lost though. Weiko and Rech, our heroes have managed to salvage a fertilized egg from Geeta’s remains. Her sacrifice wasn’t in vain. So, now our guys have their heir, what to do about the Kurr problem? That’s where Human McNaughtyBits from earlier comes in.
But wait! Kurr is as cunning as he is ruthless, and has a contingency plan if Rech and Weiko don’t come through as soon as he wants.
I guess if you're an Image character, bug guns are inevitable.
Kurr offers the ultimatum that his doomsday weapon will be used if Weiko and Rech don’t have an alternative solution within a day. It seems obvious to me that he knows they’re up to something and is just looking for an excuse for carnage. A female office, Lorella points out that they’ve been scouting a planet for thousands of years, what is a couple more days for our boys to come up with a more amicable solution? His answer is to invite her to his bedchamber later. In the meantime Kurr goes to check on our lovable saviors. They show him their pet human, trying a last-ditch effort to appeal to his, well not his humanity, but to his “whatever his species is-ity”. It goes about as well as expected.
It isn't looking good for humanity, kids!
As if on cue, Weiko and Rech run and hide. You might think they’ve wussed out, but as soon as he finds and grabs Lorella, Kurr is shot in the head by Rech. Kurr is incredibly resistant to damage though, so you may think it’s about time to say goodbye to our “heroes” and you’d be right, but while Kurr is beating down Rech, Weiko literally blows part of Kurr’s brain out.
"It was either this or a hole in the... waitaminnit!"
Still, this does not kill Kurr. His brain cells are already regenerating, so it is decided since he now has no memory, to fill it with the five days of satellite feed they’ve gotten from Earth! Also, our schemers give Kurr as vasectomy , which should hold unless Kurr loses his lower extremities and has them grow back (spoiler: it happens eventually!). Weiko and Rech decide to dump him on Earth as now he’d actually fit in more there. I guess that make sense, but they are planning on unleashing an amnesiac genocidal maniac on an unsuspecting populace, so maybe they aren’t as virtuous as first thought. As a final act, Rech and Weiko self destruct their lab with them in it.
Later, we cut to Lorella addressing the empire, explaining their beloved emperor is dead, but has left an heir. Earth is left, as it is also revealed to the public at large that hey, humanity isn’t that primitive. The fin-heads leave, and all is well or is it?
The beginning?
And that ends this tale, but soon after, the amnesiac is discovered by the Chicago PD, and with no memory of past events take the name Dragon and becomes quite a likable guy. He becomes a cop, a family man and various other things over the course of his career, if you thought he was reprehensible in this story, try the normal Savage Dragon run, he’s like the complete opposite. Well, except for current issues where his brain was devoured and regenerated again to where Kurr resurfaces, but hey that’s another story!
This tale was first told in the Image Comics 10th Anniversary Hardcover, and was reprinted in Savage Dragon #0.