Last week I began researching the strangest, craziest, downright insane comic covers and the stories behind them. My plan was to post a series of mini reviews connected to the pictures of these strange comic covers. That plan changed when I found a full copy of a comic book with a cover so, well, not right.
If you are offended easily or have problems with humor, please stop reading now!
With the warning out of the way, let’s jump right into Hansi: The Girl Who Loved the Swastika, a 32 page comic published in 1976. Believe it or not, the comic is an interpretation of an actual book based on a real girl’s life story, but the vibe I got from the cover was Archie meets Hitler. If you thought that a comic entitled Hansi: The Girl Who Loved the Swastika that gave off a Archie/Hitler vibe couldn’t get any better, you would be wrong. Hansi: The Girl Who Loved the Swastika is brought to us by Spire Christian Comics. I know, confusing right, but stick with me, it gets better.
We start out in September 1938 with the Nazis invading Sudetenland. The Nazis are telling the townsfolk they have come to bring them food, jobs, and to set them free. Ya know, because the Germans took care of people back then. Our main character, Hanzi, is excited that they have brought books for them to read. The only book she had before was her mothers bible and she is bored with it. In two panels we jump from her applying for special training in “Nazi schools” to her winning some send-the-peasant-girl-to-Prague prize so she can train to become a youth leader. Before she leaves to Prague she has a moment with her mother. Hanzi tells her mother not to worry because she is going to help build a future for them and her mother leaves her with four simple words, “Don’t ever forget Jesus.” Hanzi arrives at her school in Prague, a lush looking castle. She is informed that it belonged to a Jew, an inferior race. “But Jesus was a Jew,” she argues, but she is told that Hitler is showing everyone new and more scientific ways. As her schooling continues the war gets worse. Food and water become hard to find and soon rations are so small that people are going hungry. But Hanzi is proud to be hungry … for Germany’s great future.
The synopsis I have just given was jammed into the first five pages!
But the story goes on. We then learn that Hanzi is in love with a boy named Rudy who is fighting the war on a German U-Boat. They have been writing letters to each other for two years and they are finally going to meet (how they met, fell in love and started writing letters to each other is lost on me as it wasn’t explained). They meet, Rudy immediately proposes, and takes her home to meet the parents. As Rudy comes from wealth, Hanzi is worried about being a “peasant girl.” Oh, she was right to be worried, because even though Rudy’s sister likes Hanzi his parents are against the whole thing. Hanzi calls the marriage off. Suddenly the story shifts back to the Jesus talk. One of the girls at Hanzi’s school states that her boyfriend was in Stalingrad before it fell and his last letter said “SEND US BIBLES!!!” But why would the Nazi soldiers want bibles? “It is an outdated Jewish book that is for cowards and weaklings.” It’s at this point my brain starts to hurt and I swear I feel it start to slowly spin inside my skull; we are only on page eight people!
Russians begin to attack Prague causing a massive evacuation of the city. The school girls start evacuating and one of the German soldier states that he is going too. Hanzi tells him his place is here to defend the Fatherland. He smiles and says he wants to spend his time with her, which leads us to my favorite panel and line in the book; Hanzi running away from the soldier shouting “I’m pure! And I’m going to stay pure!” He tries to get her to stay but she says she believes in Hitler and victory. As she boards the train he shouts a warning about the Russians.
On the train the girls learn that Hitler has committed suicide. This bad news is followed up by the Russians stopping the train and taking the girls to a labor camp where they are forced to hard labor by day and crazy raping from the Russian soldiers by night. But they never touch Hanzi because, get this, she is too skinny. WTF? I guess Russians are chubby chasers? Hanzi decides they need to escape, so they do escape and head for West Germany. One girl says that the Americans are there and they are all “gum-chewing gangsters,” but Hanzi has heard they don’t rape women so off they go. During their escape someone wonders if there is any peace and love left in the world leading to a flashback of Hanzi’s mother’s thoughtful words “Don’t ever Forget Jesus.”
After the flashback, the girls are nearing a section of Germany called No Man’s Land because the Russians shoot anything that tries to move across it. They pay a ferry pilot to show them a way into West Germany and he points to the woods and tells them to go at midnight. A guide takes them through the woods but they are attacked by the Russians and everyone is killed except for Hanzi and some little girl. The girls come across a house where American soldiers are hanging out chewing bubble gum and reading Archie comics (no kidding). They invite them in to get warm clothes and food, but Hanzi is afraid they want to rape her like the Russians. The American soldiers assure her that it is safe, give her a bed to sleep in, and bring her breakfast in bed. Americans are awesome!
Now the Red Cross shows up, takes the child to a home, and gives Hanzi a ration card. While there, Hanzi runs into Rudy’s sister and she tells Hanzi his U-Boat went down and they think he is dead. Next thing we know Hanzi is teaching first grade in the Bavarian Alps. Things are going great until she gets a letter from the Red Cross telling her that Rudy is alive and coming to see her. They decide to get married, but a year later they both feel like it’s been a mistake. Something was missing in their lives. Do you see where this is going? Rudy comes home with a bible so they can learn about Jesus together. Hanzi still thinks Jesus was an imposter and can’t believe he can do anything for them. Rudy reads her some passages and she starts to turn to the light side of the force.
Over the years they have children and eventually move to America. The book doesn’t give an exact date but there are a lot of hippies around and Hanzi cannot believe all the luxuries Americans have. She believes that all these “luxuries” obscure God’s blessings so she decides to open their home up to the hippies and teach them about Jesus. The book ends with Hanzi going into a prison to teach the inmates about love and kindness. The prisoners are proud to be Americans and Hanzi has finally found peace with God and her country. The End. Wow … not good, not bad … just … Wow.
I honestly got some good chuckles out of this book and what I thought was going to be propaganda for the Nazi’s turned out to be propaganda for Jesus. Yeah JEBUS!