Here is another Dragon*Con report from Scarlett Ro’Botica:

I never thought I would hear the words “anal beads” in a Star Wars panel at Dragon*con, but now I have. I attended the Adult Themes panel last night, and the kinky side of Star Wars fandom made itself known. No one under 18 allowed, and drinking was encouraged.
Questions from the audience included “Do you think something was going on between Wilford Brimley and that furry think in the Ewoks: Battle for Endor movie?” Noa and Teek? What kind of person thinks such a thing? I remember that movie from childhood!
“Do you think Jabba raped Leia while she was chained to him?” The answer from the panelists? Hell yeah! The most notable panelist was author Aaron Allston. Timothy Zahn was supposed to have appeared, but we were told he was not feeling well. Mr. Allston’s great sense of humor and candor mixed nicely with the other panelists, none of
whom minced words when answering questions or sharing perverted ideas.
“Clone Troopers having sex with each other . . . is it considered incest or masturbation?” This question encouraged a lively debate and took into consideration whether or not they were from the same clone vat.

“Yoda . . . did he really go 900 years without getting laid? The Jedi aren’t supposed to have attachments.” The panelists surmised that Yoda and Yaddle likely had sexual relations and that Yoda was solely responsible for all life on Dagobah. This line of thinking, in my opinion, leads to the dark side. Move along, move along.

Back to humans. “Did Luke have sexual thoughts about Leia when he saw her in the metal bikini?” Of course he did. He didn’t know she was his sister at that time. He wasn’t blinded by hibernation sickness. It was only later that he shuddered to himself and tried to erase those carnal desires.

“Pick two women that you would like to see together.” The answers varied from Leia & Mara to Oola and Zam Wesell. Zam, they explained, can change her form at will to add a bit more fun to the bedroom.

Raffle prizes included vibrators and the aforementioned anal beads, and they asked the winners to remain at the front of the room for photos. They had the option of turning down the prizes, though no one in this room appeared to be modest or embarrassed by either the topics or the giveaways.

The audience and panelists had a great time, and we were able to explore a side of the Star Wars universe that normally exists only in the depths of our minds. Where else can you discuss Han Solo being a furry and Chewbacca’s pimp?

“I’d just as soon kiss a Wookiee!”

“I can arrange that!”

And what pimp, they explained, doesn’t sample the merchandise?

The audience roared with laughter, and I suspect most left the panel to go straight to their hotel rooms.