Scarlett Ro’botica, reporting from Dragon*Con:

The annual Mr. Star Wars contest took place yesterday evening at Dragon*con in Atlanta. The event has become one of the highlights of the Star Wars track in recent years, encouraging men (I use to term loosely) to vie for the coveted role.

Fourteen challengers took to the stage and included the likes of a tall Yoda, Jabba the Hutt, a participant encased in carbonite (the boxy aluminum foil costume was enthusiastically received), and a foil Darth Vader who removed the outer layers of his costume to reveal what I can only call blue latex that resembled a motion capture outfit (sans those golf ball-looking things). I was told that Blue Guy has attempted to win the title before and is a crowd favorite.

The first challenge: duplicate a Wookiee mating call, and this inevitably involved bad Chewbacca impressions. However, the contestants confused mating call with the actual process of mating, so there were some, um, “lightsaber” motions performed onstage complete with hip-thrusting and nipple-rubbing. The three judges scored using cards numbered one through 10 and held them up as each guy completed the challenge.

Next; the Pants Game where quotes were said using the word “pants.” Examples: “I felt a disturbance in my pants,” “Do or do not. I wear no pants,” and “It’s a pants!” (the last was my favorite, and other Ackbar fans agreed).

Then, they were asked to order menu items at a drive-thru using Star Wars-inspired food. Hoth chocolate, Vader taters, and blue milk (lactose-free) all sound delicious, but the judges scored according to their own taste preferences.

The last challenge was to demonstrate a Star Wars pick-up line, and one was “Is that a lightsaber in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” Then, the contestants left the stage while judging began.
The MC (wearing a Yoda-ears cap and stormtrooper backpack) asked for women from the audience to compete for Miss. Star Wars. My friend’s son pointed at me, and I shook my head no, but yours truly got plucked from the audience to appear onstage. Did I mention I hate being onstage? Yeah, just like a Wookiee hates to lose.

Three other gals actually volunteered to compete, and the mini contest began. We had to use our own pick-up lines, pretend to be flirty, and come up with a way for Shmi to explain the birds and the bees to Anakin, who had no father. The best I could come up with was to liken a mynock to the typical stork story. I don’t remember most of our answers, since I was onstage and essentially performing for a crowd of people and trying not to look too dumb. I do recall having to stand next to an attractive gal dressed as slave Leia. The horror . . .

The audience chose the winner by applause, and contestant #3—an art student—was declared Miss Star Wars. I was pleased to get a respectable amount of applause, but my “friends” (and I use the term loosely, being that it was their fault I was up there) neglected to take so much as a single picture of me. Or perhaps that’s a good thing? I wonder if I can confiscate all of the evidence . . .

The guys were then called back onstage to find out who had won. Contestant #14 (clad in his tight blue suit and aluminum foil) was declared the winner and received a lovely sash bearing the title “Mr. Star Wars 2010.”

And, despite my stage fright, I think I actually enjoyed my own participation in this annual event. A little bit.