Get excited! We’ve got some great comics bending over the examination table this week!

Starting with Kick-Ass #8

Every time I pick up a new issue of Kick-Ass no matter how wrong I’ve been every other time, I say to myself, “This one can’t possibly be as good as the last one.” And I’ve been wrong every single time. This last issue didn’t let me down in any way. I thought I wanted to see the movie before, but I have to say before reading this issue, I never knew what it was really like to want to go see a movie. Kick-Ass is easily on my list of favorite comics, and Mark Millar’s best to date. This issue was so gory, and so hilarious, read it before the movie comes out! It was worth the wait!

If I had to choose between life, and Kick-Ass, I would choose life. But only because then I couldn’t appreciate Kick-Ass! -Slugtron

Overview: I creamed in my pants from a mere glance of this ass-hole, and not just a little bit. It’s like concentrated anti-Medusa.

Prognosis: It’s bloody, hairy, leaky, and spongy, and I love it!

Next on the list, Siege #2

There has been quite a bit of hype going on with Siege, and when I read the first issue I didn’t think it was bad, but I didn’t think it was as good as the raves going on about it. I sensed it would get better and better for every Marvel comic you’ve picked up for the last five years, but I haven’t been reading that many. I was still versed enough to understand what was going on, but save to say, I was asking a lot of questions.

As for the second issue, I thought it was way better than the first, and in fact it was better than most comic books. But at the same time I felt there were a lot of things that didn’t hold as much weight without the back story. I think a dead give away of this fact is the roll-call page they put into this issue. Then there were some things that held just as much weight, (like the sentry ripping Ares in half.) That’s right, spoiler alert sucka’s! And I thought the ending was cool, but I don’t think Bendis brings the majesty to Cap the way Mark Millar does. I’m just sayin’.

Overview: If I had to pay for ass, (which I don’t) I would pay for a slice of this one. (Although you’ve got to hate the 4 dollar price tag on popular comics.)

Prognosis: Safe for banging.

Last up, Ultimate Enemy #1

Another Bendis title, one that proves he’s stretched a little thin. This was essentially an issue of Ultimate Fantastic Four after Ultimatum, with a few other cameo rolls granted. The thing is, Bendis has written UF4 and it was much better than this. I’m not a Bendis fan but I know he can do much better.

It’s issues like this that make me wonder why they even bothered with Ultimatum. I’ll admit I’ve liked all of the Ultimate titles since Ultimatum, but this issue was bad. It was literally flashing around the world to different super heroes, capturing a boring moment of their lives right before a mysterious explosion goes off, five times in a row. Ultimatum was so confusing I don’t know what’s what in the universe anymore, I need some more exposition to be entertained.

Unfortunately just because this issue was bad it doesn’t mean that the next one will be. That means we still have at least four more dollars to gamble on Bendis, if he lets us down again I think we need to start an ass e-mail campaign. (Which is similar to a normal e-mail campaign.)

Five explosions! -Slugtron

Overview: This title worries me about the future of the Ultimates universe, especially with the news that Jeph Loeb is writing New Ultimates.

Prognosis: This ass-hole is as shriveled as an eighty-year old’s and it’s brand new! It’s the Benjamin Button of ass-holes.