I’m not one to front. I have no problem admitting that I had no idea what a Hellboy was until I saw the first movie in theaters. Holy Hell was I sold immediately. The solid one liners and insane visuals had me in awe. It was my introduction to what the Hellboy universe had to offer. It was also my first look into the world of Guillermo Del Toro, a dude who has since become one of my favorite people in existence. He fits in right above Henry Rollins and right below Kyle Kinane.
None of my viewing partners had any knowledge of the comics, or any other comics for that matter, so I had to take my research into my own hands. I picked up a few of the trades on the internet and was blown away by how on the head Del Toro’s film was compared to Mike Mignola’s source material. Sure there were a few adjustments. Tinkering is to be expected when any book is transferred to the big screen.
Because the town I was living in at the time lacked a real comic book store, I was unable to quench my thirst for any Hellboy themed merchandise. I set my sights to the internet. I was blown away by the amount of statues and busts and super bummed at the lack of moderately priced figures. I pretty much chalked my search up to a loss and just read as many of the books as I could, sticking to the Hellboy titles and saving all things B.P.R.D for later. I figured it was only a matter of time before my path crossed with that of some sweet Hellboy figure looking for a new home.
Fast forward a few years. I’m on a trip to Universal Studios and me and the main squeeze decide to check out a movie make-up exhibit where a lot of Hellboy movie prosthetics and props were on display. Like every exhibit in every theme park, there was a gift shop. I was stoked to finally have the chance to stock up on a few trinkets and figures. What I wasn’t stoked on were the prices. Especially the price of the 8 inch Hellboy Qee. I was just getting into limited vinyl toys and wanted so badly to add this to my collection. I think I remember the shop wanting $80. This was a little too rich for my taste. When we go back to the hotel I took a look on the interwebs for a better deal. No dice. Not even Ebay or Amazon offered a better deal. I added the item to my wish list. I closed the window. I cried myself to sleep on a fold out couch bed in the living room of our hotel. I wasn’t sleeping on the couch because Emily found my crying as a weakness and thought a night on the couch would toughen me up. I was sleeping on the couch because I was on vacation with Emily, her family, and her younger brother’s girlfriend who looked like Gollum if he had spent all day in the sun and riding on water rides. All the ladies in one room. All the men in the other. All the Patricks stay the shit out of our rooms.
Faster forwarding to a year after that. I had just received a bonus check from work for being the best and wanted to treat myself. As I was depositing the check in the bank, I knew exactly what a fraction of it was going to. Not groceries, not cat litter (use to learn the toilet like an adult), but a sweet ass vinyl figure of a man with a giant red right hand. Sitting down at my desk, a diet green tea Snapple in hand, I fired up the computron and meandered my way on to Amazon.com. What’s this? The 8 inch Hellboy Qee is but $46? Have the clouds parted to allow the Lord above to shower me with glorious rays of low low prices from her bosom?
The figure came and because I’m a dummy who cares little about reselling his figures, I opened it. I play with it. He sometimes fights my Bart Simpson Qee. He’s got a match scheduled with Homer Simpson Qee should the figure ever get released.
If you’re looking to get your hand on one of these bad boys try Amazon and ebay. They don’t go for much more than $50 and I think that’s a fair asking price. No one likes the fact that the new trend in toy collecting is charging an arm and a dick for vinyl figures.
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Thanks for reading.
