REVIEW: The Dark Knight Rises Toys

I was out and about this morning, doing my normal release date routine, when I stumbled upon these plastic train wrecks. Not only did the people behind The Dark Knight Rises toy line drop the ball, they let it roll down the hill, fall into the river, and wash up on the same shore as the Robin Hood Prince of Thieves figures.

Mattel was given the important task of pushing figures for one of the summer’s most anticipated movies and this is what they offer? How did this get by the merchandising department? Have they ever seen the movies? Why are these figures in bright yellow and blue packaging? Will you fire your entire department and hire the Big Shiny Robot squad to handle any and all upcoming comic book related toy lines?

Each 3.75 inch toy comes with one or two accessories that like the figures themselves are complete turds. Like every Batman figure line that came before there are a few variations of the bat suit that I have never heard of and are clearly aimed at your wallet. My favorite being the Batarang Bash Batman. This figure rocks a bright red suit and looks more like the Merc with a Mouth than the Caped Crusader.

The one “plus” to the line is that there is a Bane figure. He just sucks too. All the black from his suit has been replaced with snot green. This makes him look more like a goofy side kick than the feared nemesis we all know him to be.

Anyone looking for a Catwoman figure is SOL. No worries. She’s not a main character or anything.

Even at $6 a piece is still a joke. Will I buy a few? Yes. Will I be happy about it? Shit no.