It’s that time of year to renew your EA Sports subscriptions. It has been slowly increasing over the years, $30, $50, and now $60. Is FIFA12 worth the scrapes on your knees that you’ve gotten working to afford this game?
First, a bit of history. The year was 2008. We were enjoying Fallout 3, playing up some Left 4 Dead, and a select diaper-wearing few of us were working on bringing down the Lich King. This is the year FIFA finally overtook the long time champion Pro Evolution Soccer as best soccer game, and they’ve been steadily holding, as Luda would say, “the numba’ one spot”. FIFA08 shouldn’t have been the better game, but it was. When 2009 rolled around, all the tweaks that EA had been playing with turned this franchise into a money making powerhouse. 09 was the best FIFA game to date, with many advancements in game play, including realistically having to muscle out your attacker/defender as well as forcing you to craft through balls and crosses that are more the right amount of difficulty to pull off. It was also the first game to make me literally throw a controller. (And it’s still the only franchise that still gives me that rush, with an exception to CMR Rally/Dirt.) FIFA10 and FIFA11 built upon the success of 09 bringing features like improved attacking options and 360 degree ball control. I think I speak for all of us when I say we all really love the 360 ball control. Mmm.
Now that FIFA12 has been out for a week and some change, and I’ve already purchased a a new controller to ravish, I reckon I’ve put enough game time in to give it a proper Big Shiny Robot once over. I know what you’re thinking, “BSR shouldn’t this game be reviewed by a fratboy with a backpack full of Axe Body spray and Natty Light while having a seat with Chris Hansen?” Probably but this is a much more honest and much less dirty review.
Booting into the game, you will have to sit through the ever memorable EA Sports intro. They have added, despite the fact the audio is in English, English subtitles so you can read it now too. We know EA, “It’s in the game”. Once you’ve gotten past that, you get the enjoyment of W.Rooney teeing up for a shot before being able to do anything. Now that you’ve wasted what feels like 20 minutes, you can play.
I’ve only been playing single player season mode for the time, but you can now compare your money making skills with your friend without having to go behind the shed. (If you’ve selected Amateur or Semi-pro then you’re out of luck. Here’s the ol’ ruler).
Now, if you don’t mind, a small digression: All of my other “next-gen” FIFA experiences were for the Xbox360. Having canceled my Live subscription I picked 12 up for the PS3. The first thing I noticed in game was the inability to play music while playing the game, thus I was unable to listen to the melodic and soothing sounds of Glassjaw. If we’re going to have canned announcer barking that I’m a country mile offside whether I actually am or not, can we have someone more poetic than the dry Englishmen Martin Tyler and Andy Alan.
Dear EA, We are a huge fan of your games. Many people (not as many as WoW) have lost marriages over this game, and quite a few more have died over the beautiful game. Please license the greatest announcer of our time to call our virtual game: Ray Hudson. I would love to give him "" target="_blank">orgasmic jubilation" over my last minute winning goal. Sincerely, Big Shiny Robot
Thanks for letting me indulge myself for a minute.
Let’s get to the actual gameplay. The biggest change you’re going to notice is the new defending tactics. You can now push, pull and tug with your defending (team) member. Do it too much or too often and you’ll give away a foul. This has made getting past the opposing side’s defense much more challenging than in previous games. It’s quite a bit more challenging to just dribble you’re way out of a sticky situation as now you’ve got one guy tugging on your shirt and another tickling away the ball.
The next change you may notice if you’re the Messi of sitting on your ass maneuvering sprits on a screen, when you do find yourself in that stick situation with the pulling and the tugging, you’ll be able to come away with clean hands using the new precision dribbling method. You’ll be able to add some Brazilian flair to your game creating space for your men to take advantage of. If you’re more of an ’08 Yura Movsisyan who more often than not fell on his ass as well as more than once missed scoring a goal with a shot so wide it went out on the sidelines then the last change is for you.
The final major difference makes falling and rolling around in you’re own mistake much more enjoyable. If you give up control of the ball and finish your move prematurely ending up with some upset partners, you’ll be glad to know that you’ll fall on your ass in style with a psuedo-ragdoll engine. EA has changed the canned fall on your ass sequences with an Impact Engine that makes for a more realistic game.
So, should you buy it? Well, if any of these 3 things sound interesting then yes, yes you should. If you want to play online, then yes, yes you should. However if you’re just looking for a way to blow $60 bucks you’ll get much more enjoyment out of a nice bottle of bourbon and a velvet robe. You could even get a pipe if you’ve got cash left over. That or just paypal $60 bucks to me. In fact, nobody should get this game, just Paypal the money you’d have otherwise spent on FIFA12 to me. I swear only to use it for good, namely hookers, blow and clowns. Who doesn’t love a party with clowns? Hitler. That’s who. You don’t want to support Hitler do you?
In all I would rate this game a solid 9 blue balls out of a 10.
