** Spoilers ahead**
Wonderbot is back, and she is sleepy and irritable today, so apologies in advance if this is wracked with grammatical errors and expletives. They’re how I express myself when I’m running on empty. Enjoy!
So, Sookie and Eric are totally making out when *cock block* Bill busts in and goes after Eric. Eric gains the upper hand when he has Billy boy pinned and is holding a fire poker to his chest. Sooks tells Eric that Bill is his King, and Eric submits. Cue opening credits.
Sidenote: I hate the musical director for this show. It’s so Full House-y the way that you’re beaten over the head with the music. Irritating…
Oh noes! Eric is taken into custody by Bill, and Sooks and Bill get into an argument about lying and who they’re ‘effing. Sookie actually manages to make some valid points and also point out the fact that everything Bill says contradicts itself. The door is shut in Sookies face as Bill explains that it’s strictly “vampire business” and that Sookie should “for once in her life stay out of it”. *BOOM!* Snack on that one Sookie. Bill goes on to tell security to arrest Sooks for trespassing if she shows up on his property again. Sooooo, I guess they’re not making up anytime soon…
Meanwhile, in the royal holding cell, poor poor Pam is absolutely rotting away. I love that she refers to King Bill as a “pompous little dork” while trying to remind Eric how much he hates him. Once again, Pam is awesome. Pam is totally heartbroken when Eric expresses that he doesn’t want to go back to the old Eric or remember anything about the vampire he used to be. My heart breaks as well, because I’m totally on par with the way Pam is feeling about old Eric. I miss him too Pam. I miss him too…
Oh shit. While Skyping to Nan about Eric’s capture, Bill expresses that he would like to impose the true death on him. This GREATLY displeases me, and I really hope that Eric is back to his old self soon so he can rectify the situation. I am really starting to hate Bill. What. A. dick.
Double shit! Arlene and Terry’s trailer is on fire! Arlene can’t find the baby, it turns out that he was already outside. Most likely, waiting with the gross garbage doll to watch his family burn. The kid is creepy and the doll is creepy. The ginger kids are creepy too, but not unsettling like lil Mikey. Who lets their kid play with that doll without at least cleaning it first?
Ugh. We see yet ANOTHER new character as it seems that a nice black lady may have been the one who saved Mikey. Is she real? Is she a ghost? Who the hell knows. All I know is that I need to start making a spread sheet to reference the characters. At least they managed to save the pet armadillo!
Sam is all wrapped up in his apartment houses that just went up in flames so he asks Tommy, who is crying quietly to himself and nearly showing his junk, to open the bar. I’m hoping this isn’t a terrible decision on Sam’s part. While in extreme emotional distress, we find out that Tommy is now a skin walker, and can turn into other people. He shifted into Sam. I could not care less.
In Mexico, Lafayette is served a goat tongue for breakfast. Lafayette is not amused. Jesus asks his grandfather for help and protection, and Jesus’ grandfather is a total dick about it. Grandpa asks for a sacrifice before he’ll even entertain the idea of giving Jesus protection.
In “Seriously? Who cares” news, Tara’s girlfriend finds Tara at Lafayette’s place. Tara spills her whole “Whoa is me” story for what seems like the billionth time, and I still don’t care.The best part of this scene was the possibility of Tara getting her ass kicked. Unfortunately, all hope went out the window when her and her lady friend begin making out.
Watching Tommy pretend to be Sam is amazing. Especially when he puts Sooks in her place. I literally LOL’ed at that part.
When Sookie goes looking for Jason she finds him at home, handcuffed to the bed to try and help when he transitions. It’s once again reaffirmed that Sookie is the one with the smarts in the family when she explains to Jason that when he changes the handcuffs will come off. Oh Jason, so pretty, but so dumb…
At Alcide’s, the gross biker guy is back. He’s been visiting with Debbie, waiting for Alcide to come home. She joined the Shreveport pack without discussing it with Alcide. I have a feeling this is the beginning of a downward spiral for Debbie, and it couldn’t make me happier. She makes a way better biker slut than a home maker.
Back in King Bill’s dungeon, Marnie calls on the spirit to avenge herself. We get another “Who gives a shit?” flashback, as the vampires are feeding off of, and raping Marnie’s goddess. Then we see her being burned at the stake again, and call on her witch sisters to kill the vampires by bringing them into the sun.
The spirit/goddess then decides to take up residence in Marnie’s body.
In the super fun land of Mexico, Lafayette and Jesus are standing in a field waiting for an animal to sacrifice itself. Jesus captures a rattlesnake. Yee haw.
As the full moon rises, Sookie and Jason have a bro/sis heart to heart. It’s always fun to hear your brother talk about how good he is at sex, but my favorite moment of the convo was Jason holding a shotgun, talking about being ‘Merican. Sooks goes to fetch Jason a beer, and when she comes back, he’s gone.
Uh oh. Sam’s sexy lady friend shows up while Tommy is still in Sam’s body. Obviously, she begins to make out with him hardcore, not realizing that it’s Tommy. Writing that sentence just made me feel like I was watching Days of Our Lives. I have a feeling that Sam is going to be verrrrry displeased.
Jessica finds Jason in the woods after sensing his fear. She explains their connection because of the blood she gave him. They have a chat about him becoming a were panther. They exchange awkward conversation and significant looks.
Sookie is wandering around the woods with a shotgun, looking for her brother when she runs into none other than Debbie Pelt. I’m liking where this is going… Nevermind, Alcide is with her, so nothing particularly exciting happens.
Double uh oh. Tommy ‘effs Luna, and then kicks her out. Is it just me, or does she always wear dresses that look like lingerie?
Jess and Jason have another heart to heart, and you start to think that perhaps there really is something between them. It’s kinda cute, but stealing your best friends girl is something I advise against.
Bill brings Eric outside and explains to him that he has been given orders to give Eric the true death. Eric humbly tells Bill how he knows he was an asshole in the past, and that although he does not with to die, he also does not wish to be that guy anymore. Eric requests that Pam be released and then says some mushy stuff about Sookie. Eric also tells Bill (as Bill is retrieving a stake) that Sooks still cares for him. This whole conversation may have just saved Eric’s life.
In Mexico, we learn that snakes are a gateway to the spirit realm (go figure!), as Jesus’ grandfathers baby mama padlocks the door. Grandpa explains what Marnie is up to then proceeds to make the snake bite Jesus. Grandpa leaves the room and while doing so tells Lafayette to protect Jesus. That is when Lafayette starts seeing things, and a spirit enters him. It was Tio Luca, whoever that is.
When Sam returns to his trailer, he finds Tommy passed out in a pile of his own vomit.
In front of Merlotte’s Tara and her lady friend talk some more and it’s boring. Until Pam shows up! Pam takes a lunge at the girls, and as she does, we change scenes. Booo!
At Vampire Bill’s Marnie is creepily staring into the security camera. One of Bill’s associates goes to check things out, and guess what? He was one of the vampires raping Antonia all those years ago. He tries to attack her, and she makes him submit. Now things are beginning to get interesting…
Sookie is still hiking through the woods with her shotgun when she sees Eric. Bill set him free because of his speech. Obviously, they make out.
We finish this episode with sad Bill in a leather jacket on his porch looking all sad and emo while somewhere in the woods Eric and Sookie are getting it on. My God. Is it just me, or does this girl really like to do it outdoors? I mean, no regard for mosquitoes, or poison ivy or anything…
Okay, so I feel like we’re on the cusp of something happening as we end this episode. I’m interested in seeing where the witch thing goes now that Antonia has taken over Marnie. I have a feeling that once Debbie falls off the wagon, things will get interesting there as well. That being said, I still don’t care about Tommy or Sam or what is going on in Mexico. However, we’re about half way though the season, and I feel like we’re almost on to something. I’m going to continue to have high hopes, but not hold my breath.