FADE IN:

INT. HONDA CIVIC – DAY

Mark is driving and concentrating on the road. Trying to get his daughter, Elektra, to school on time. Elektra is concentrating on a Kindle Fire and more importantly, Plants VS Zombies.

Elektra:
Die Zombies Die!

Mark:
What are you doing back there? (laughing)

Elektra:
Dad, this game is so much fun. I just passed another level and I just got…well, Can I tell you?

Mark:
Sure, what’s up?

Elektra:
Spoiler alert…

Does it ruin some of the magic if the magician’s tricks are just ordinary verses unforgettable? Are you the type of person that skips to the end of a book after reading the first few chapters? Do you invest time in a screen cap by screen cap breakdown of the latest movie trailers? Do you need to know every little detail of any given project, before dissecting it and then complain about it to your friends, ceremoniously showing them 1) Your vast knowledge of pop culture 2) how dedicated you are not only to the craft of storytelling, but that you possess the ability to interpret meaning, allegory and blah blah blah. It’s like hearing that someone has a secret only to have it followed it up with an ‘Oh, never mind’. It’s a natural human response to investigate and sate your curiosity before it drives you crazy.

The days when the consumer heard a rumor about a movie being made and then was pleasantly surprised by seeing the trailer a few months later have died the same deaths as 35 mm films and WAX LPs. Nowadays, we track everything! With the countless “hidden” photos, leaked scripts, tweets, ARG’s, etc, there’s no way to avoid ‘Spoilers’ without spurning all media and thereby becoming a hermit.

While I have a love/hate relationship with spoilers, I will never understand others lust for them. The part of the ‘me first’ American mantra that has us lining up for the newest IPhone or video game system launch. Even texting and driving, as if “LOL” couldn’t wait until you got to the stoplight. Nope! It has to be now.

Don’t get me wrong,I don’t think it’s all or nothing. There are varying degrees of Spoiler Indulgence and YES, I have snatched up some of the lowest hanging fruit. I read about things I don’t watch; TV shows, video games or movies I’ve given up on checking out and/or things I have no intention of reading or consuming when they come out. Two minutes skimming the ‘Morning Spoilers’ scratches that itch and saves time by allowing me to pare down significantly the choices at hand. In my mind, I want to know if it is something that I want to spend my cash on and invest my time into. That’s where it ends for me. Anything more than that and I feel like I know what I’m getting for Christmas. On the flip side, some people don’t like suspense, maybe finding it too stressful. The fact that many need a full synopsis of a film to get their ass off their couch and see it at the theatre says a lot about the troubling times we live in (Spoiler- that’s another post). It is entirely possible that the items which are ‘leaked’ were done purposely so that these studio types ‘fine tune’ their product before it’s released, or maybe the pages are part of a great misdirection campaign to make real ‘fakes’.

So, go ahead. Knock yourself out. Read them all to your hearts content or don’t.

One thing IS for certain, 2012 would have ruined these: Darth Vader is the father of Luke Skywalker, Deckard finding the tin foil unicorn and the fact that Marty McFly’s kids were ‘Assholes’.

And would there ever have been Bat-nipples with the amount of spoilers posted to the net nowadays?

(Shrug) Maybe….but we would have all been forewarned.

-Dagobot