“Supernatural” put an end to our Olympic hellatus sufferings with tonight’s “Captives.” We got reunions with a couple fan favorites, a good bit of emotional gravitas, and some Castiel badassery, but did the episode hold its own in this formidable ninth season?
Tonight, while stewing in their own salty juices, Sam and Dean came to the mutual realization that The Bunker, against all logic, is haunted. The Batcave is warded beyond all sane measures, so the boys decide that their ethereal lodger had to be someone that had died within its impermeable walls. And just as I was writing “don’t be Kevin don’t be Kevin don’t be Kevin” in my notes, AP Student Kevin Tran manifested via a coffee maker. Turns out that since Heaven is closed for revolution, all spirits who would normally pass are now stuck in the veil. During his conversations with fellow departed-ish spirits, Kevin learns that his mother is likely still alive and he tasks Sam and Dean with a rescue mission. Which, in all fairness, is the least they could do. Meanwhile Castiel finds yet another clique of Angels and thereby gets entangled with Bartholomew and the Mean Girl garrison. Bartholomew tries to seduce the weary Castiel, but Cas is a rebel, Dottie. A loner. So the invitation to the high tech world of Metatron Huntin’ goes declined and Castiel continues his Ronin quest to right his wrong.
Stick with me on this one, friends and neighbors. It could get a little ugly and require graphs and outlines before we’re through. But we’ll start with –
The AWESOME.
- I. Love. Mrs. Tran. Love her. Beyond the fact that she kind of embodies everything that the show has historically done wrong with women (namely killing them all), she’s just a wonderful character. Her intelligence and maternal tendencies were a welcome addition to the show, and while it would appear that tonight’s episode might have given us a little closure, it’s nice to know that she can still be around when the Brothers need her. And while fans and Winchesters alike needed a happy ending (and I assure you that where this show is concerned, this is in fact a happy ending), there’s a caveat that does need to be addressed. We’ll get to that one in just a bit.
- Castiel has worn many coats over the years, but my favorite is the Matter of Fact Badass Castiel. With kung-fu grip. Crazy Levaithan Cas was a bit too kitsch for me, Insane Asylum Cas was just funny sad, and Lost Puppy Cas only holds brief purpose. But a Castiel that doesn’t really want to fight you but will totally whup yo’ ass in a matter of seconds? Yeah, that’s the stuff. These are the moments when we see why Castiel was so revered in Heaven. He’s a total boss.
- Kevin Tran summed up what I assume is a fandom’s worth of exasperation in three words: “Get over it.” I totally sat on my couch and did that Christian rock sway. And of course it didn’t happen, but there were only like three minutes left in the episode so I remain hopeful that the brothers will get sandpaper out of their drawers and just have a sit down and be done with it, because the only thing worse than exhausting is predictable, and that’s where all this angst is headed for me.
The Wait, What?
- For reasons that involve me tooting my own horn just a bit, the show gets many gold stars tonight. I didn’t get the alias joke. Agents who? Didn’t catch it, didn’t get it. For the first time in nine years.
- And here there be the aforementioned caveat. Kevin went home with Mrs. Tran. Sweet, touching, and stupid. He’s a ghost, stuck in the veil, and therefor pretty much indestructible. Why would he not continue to translate? Did he take the tablet with him? Mrs. Tran is not indestructible so that would be stupid. Nope, pretty sure he just left the Winchesters in their previous location of up Poop Creek with a turd for a paddle.
The Oh My God Can You Just Settle Down?
The other day I diagramed sentences on my lunch break. For fun. I don’t like math-y thinking unless it revolves around words, and I did promise outlines and charts, so let’s see if I can do this. Behold, an outline of the plot developments of season nine!
1. The Angels got kicked out of Heaven
a. Where’s Metatron?
i. Many angels taking many sides
1. Some want back into Heaven
a. Because they want to rule it
2. Some want to stay on Earth
a. Because they want to rule it
3. All of those sides are wrong
a. Except maybe Castiel’s?
b. There’s a broken tablet that could solve a lot of problems
i. Kevin died
1. But he’s stuck in the veil
a. And he’s not going to work on the translation anymore
b. But while he was there he realized his mom is still alive
i. She was being held captive with two other people by Crowley
1. We don’t know why
2. Dean makes good decisions for bad reasons, and also he is not the boss of Sam
a. Dean let an angel possess Sam
i. Death is awesome
ii. Angels are not
1. There’s a rogue angel running around with The Metatron
a. They want to rule in Heaven, see above
b. He was the angel that was possessing Sam
i. He did some super bad stuff while he was in there
ii. Angst
iii. Sam and Dean totally broke up
1. Sam and Cas did something? Together? A case?
2. Dean and Crowley did a thing
a. Cain
i. Cain’s weapon
1. Dean is worthy of it
3. Sam and Dean got back together
a. Kind of
b. Angst
1. They’re totally still on a break
3. Abbadon
a. There’s also a war in Hell
i. I seriously don’t even know
1. See also Cain’s weapon
ii. Crowley does some things
1. Trying to outsmart those Wascally Winchesters
2. Trying to get his throne back
a. See also Mrs. Tran
i. Maybe
4. Charlie is in lesbians with Dorothy Gale in Oz
5. Garth is a werewolf with a heart of gold
OK, so I might have lied about the graphs. But if the season were a pie chart (and of course it would be a pie chart, this ain’t my first rodeo), it would just be a circle with some sigils and a big ol’ “WTF” in the middle.
Maybe it’s because of the two giant breaks. Maybe it’s because there were some filler episodes in those brief returns. Maybe it’s because this season is too jumbled, and maybe it’s all of these things, but I’m back to the point of “what the shit, Supernatural?” It was all coming together and there were a couple amazing episodes, but I’m once again not seeing any kind of point to this season. Correction, I am seeing far too many points and don’t really know, well quite frankly right now I’m so confused I don’t even know how to end that sentence. But I will say this: If they pull it off, even if it’s in the very last episode (especially if it’s in the very last episode, actually), and all of those bullet points and numbers come together and shove that “WTF” out of the pie chart, this will be the most epic thing to have ever sprung forth from the CW. I’m certainly rooting for just that, and Tuesday is still my favorite day of the week. Even when “Supernatural” is wonky and overwhelming, it’s easily my favorite hour of television and a wonderful escape.
My fellow hunters received some great news recently. Come fall, we’ll all be donning our flannel and painting on our demon wards (you guys do that too, right?) as we sit down for the season premiere of Supernatural’s tenth season! Word has it that CW execs feel that as long as the show is successful and the actors are on board, the show will continue. But just in case, they announced that a Supernatural spin-off will hit the air as well. It’s a wonderful time to be a fan, y’all.