With episode nine, Supernatural’s ninth season comes to a screeching, flabbergasted, hurtful, fangirling-into-the-fetal-position mid-season halt. I feel kind of numb. Maybe I haven’t processed yet. Read below at your own discretion, there await ginormous spoilers.
Tonight, Heaven’s former citizens divided into three sects; the smarmy with Bartholomew, the crazy with Malachai, and the “eh” remained in their own little worlds, just trying to stay under the radar. The former two of the groups were hellbent (har har) on getting back into Heaven and making their own little Dodge City. But since Suits and Shoes with No Laces rarely agree on methodology, protocol, heirarchy, and all those fussy elements that go into the building of a society, they had to duke it out on Earth first. The one thing they did agree on, however, was that a direct line to The Metatron was needed and that the surefire way to get there was through Cas. Poor Cas got tortured, but before it was said and done he ate another angel’s grace (ew) and discovered that good ol Zeke is, in fact, Up to Something (I called it.)
Let’s do this.
The “Plot Holes: I Has Them”
- Since when can angels hide in their vessels? Like, for four seasons that’s been a thing. Angels and demons can see through meat suits all the way through to what lies beneath, and they always know each other by name. I feel like this “hiding in plain sight” jive came out of nowhere, or worse out of convenience. It bothers me, and maybe if there had been/will be some exposition on how it was done I’ll scowl a bit less.
- And while we’re at it, when did Grace become one size fits all? Another feat of convenience, though this time with a little more relevance to some character development. Cas ate another’s Grace and was ashamed, fully admitting he had become a barbarian by doing so. But according to Castiel it was a necessary evil if the angels are going to reclaim their home.
The “Cocked Eyebrow”:
- You guys. Angels are dumb. Not one but two supreme beings got duped by nefarious intentions tonight. Theo fell for Cas’s ruse and in turn, the angel posing as Zeke fell for what we can only assume is misdirection by The Metatron. I could be wrong, but I just don’t see this guy as being one to hold up on his word.
The “I Live Alone but Still Made Out Loud Noises”:
- Cas’s prayer scenes were amazing. From the joy of watching Misha Collins go all solo-weird to the simple beauty of the set design and camera work in that motel, this moment would probably make my list of “all time favorite Supernatural moments.”
- SAM WINCHESTER AND YOUR UPPERCUT WHAT IS UP. OK, it wasn’t Sam. But when I thought it was, and I thought that the Winchesters were having emotions beyond accusatory name calling and flared nostrils, I was super excited. I see both sides here. Sam didn’t get to decide if he could be dead, and Dean can’t imagine an existence without Sam. Both are selfish to their own extents. But for all that angst to come to a head in a sucker punch, well that was just cathartic as balls, y’all.
But it wasn’t Sam who threw that punch, was it. So let’s talk about that
The “kmc1138 Really Hopes You’re Going There but You’re Probably Not but Oh God I Want That”:
- Cas learns that it is not Ezekiel holed up in Sam’s chassis, but in fact it’s Gadriel. Gadriel pooped the bed whilst up in Heaven and was locked up. But even the imprisoned were booted out in the Fall, so he was technically freed. The Metatron decides to manipulate Gadriel into carrying out further atrocities (oh just wait for that one) – again, angels are dumb – in order to keep a firm grip on Godless Heaven. Dean tries to expel the angel and confess his greivous error in judgement, but while angels might be dumb they are also sneaky. Dean’s plans were ruined.
- So…….. Gadriel. Gadriel was the angel who introduced Eve to the naughty. His name has been replaced in most Christian texts by the name….
- Are they.. do you think..? I mean, it would take an awful lot of explaining in regards to the structured behavior of “Ezekiel” versus the crazed mania of Lucifer, but it could be done because Robbie Thompson is a talented son of a gun. I want this. Like, a lot.
And now, the “And Here We Resist the Urge to Type in All Caps and Forgo Punctiation”:
- Kevin Tran was the first name on The Metatron’s hit list. Advanced Placement is gone. Gadriel did the smitey thing before Dean realized what was happening, and the fact that no one is around to translate the stone is the very least of our concerns because Kevin was an innocent. Every action he took, once he accepted his role as Prophet, was out of a sense of goodness. There was no legacy, no family responsibility, just honor. Kevin wanted to be the first Asian American President and then he just wanted to save the world. Because it was the right thing to do.
- So, I’m about to make it a lot worse. Kevin was smote. It is my understanding that a smiting does not let you pass go and head directly to Heaven. So Kevin is probably in purgatory. And Mrs. Tran was murdered by demons. So she’s in hell. Not only is Kevin dead, he doesn’t even get to be with his mom. I’m gonna go throw up now.
And to make matters worse, the five week hellatus has begun. The fandom is about to get weird(er) y’all. Stay tuned to the BSR! tumblr for caps, quips, and communal agony to whittle away the time.