Bobot Fett is out this week exploring the canyons in south eastern Utah so you’re stuck with me.
Show Spoilers below
Theon Greyjoy is a punk ass bitch. We knew that already but the first ten minutes of this episode really show it to us. Instead of warning Robb as he’d planned to do earlier on he goes and takes a defenseless Winterfell from Bran Stark. All the bannermen are off fighting or helping to protect their homes with what few men they have so Theon takes the weakest way in and captures his former home and betrays every person that helped raise him and even kills Ser Rodrik. Punk Ass Bitch. When he does kill Ser Rodrik he can’t even do it right. The continuation of his stupidity made for a very strong opening for the week.
Jon Snow is one of my favorite stories from the books just because The North is so far away from everyone and his experience is so different. After being relegated to a steward it’s nice to see him off on a Ranger mission with Quorin Halfhand. The scenery lately in The North is amazing, I can’t even imagine them filming up there. Of course he’s screwing up once again, after capturing the sexy Wildling Ygritte he’s failed to kill her and after recapturing her hes got her tied up and is spooning her. Seriously Jon? Quorin is not going to be impressed, there isn’t a happy ending here.
Jon Snow is a favorite but Arya is the favorite. Her stuck being the cup bearer of of Tywin Lannister is such a wholly different life than any Stark would ever face and she’s using it to her advantage so well. Watching her try to hide from Baelish who may or may not recognize her got me a bit stressed out. He knows her but would he ever realize that Arya Stark is pouring wine for a Lannister at Harrenhal? She may have brought more attention to her self trying to hide. She also has 2 names left to give to Jaqan, her second friend from across the Narrow Sea. She may be in a shitty situation but she seems to be doing better than her sister Sansa even though she makes a mistake by embarrassing Amory Loch. Of course he gets back at her because of course no man like that is going to allow a cup bearer make him look stupid. She forces Jaqan to kill him quickly and sadly that is all we get of the coolest guy in Westeros this episode.
Now the second coolest guy in Westeros is having an awful time. Tyrion is obviously the smartest man in his family. He’s shipping his niece off to Dorn to protect her, make an alliance, and piss of his insane sister who vows revenge. While it seems a smart play things turn real bad real fast after she’s sent off. The people are sick of Joffrey and let him know so by pelting him in the face with cow shit. He of course goes completely insane and orders death to them all. His Kingsguard starts stabbing and the peasants start grabbing and there is a riot. A man gets his limbs torn off and Sansa seems to have her father’s luck in King’s Landing and gets chased after beaten and almost raped before The Hound saves her. Sometimes he’s a really hard character to hate. Joffrey’s easy, you love to see Tyrion slap him for being a psycho and a moron and almost getting the entire family killed. The Hound is a whole different guy, he randomly does something that makes you like him just a little bit and saving Sansa is one of those things. Did he do it because he knows what she’s worth like Tyrion or did he do it for another reason?
We only get a little bit of Robb this episode and it’s mostly him hitting on the girl from Volantis. Awkward flirting and getting his game stepped on by his mother just seems a little bit out of place for me. Catelyn has to remind her son that he has no choice who he marries. He is stuck marrying a Frey whether he likes it or not. After their reunion they get the news that Theon has taken Winterfell. Robb wants revenge but he is stuck in the middle of a war. There is no way he can march north and try to retake the castle without basically abandoning the war. Lord Bolton promises that his son will go to Winterfell and take it back, and you don’t mess with a Bolton. Their sigil is a flayed man. That is disgusting. Krakens, lions, direwolves sure those are a bit intimidating, but a man with is his skin peeled away? Yeah not messing with that guy. Theon is hopefully getting what he deserves. Catelyn is slowly losing her entire family and their is no word about Bran or Rickon. She has no idea where Arya is, Sansa is in the hands of the kingdoms highest born psychopath, Robb is leading a war, and her husband is dead. Being Catelyn Stark sucks. Luckily we know that Bran and Rickon are in good hands. Osha uses her Wildling ways and the stupidity of Theon to sneak the Stark boys out of Winterfell. There wasn’t a ton of focus on it but the fact that no Stark remains in Winterfell is sad to me. They once ruled the North from that castle and now they’ve all had to leave and its been taken by a traitor that they helped raise.
Lastly, the Mother of Dragons is having a hell of a time begging for ships and an army to go retake the Iron Throne, or take if you listen to the grammar lesson from the Spice Trading Douche. She’s trying not to whore herself out for ships but Xaro Xhoan Daxos keeps pushing that if she marries him she’ll have it all but of course she doesn’t want to do that again, or lose her dragons. Which is exactly what happens. While she’s out begging for boats someone kills everyone in the palace and steals her dragons. Leaving us to wonder what she’ll do next.