I seriously have no idea what just happened. I mean, sure, on the smaller scale I can explain the individual scenes of this episode, but as far as contribution to a bigger picture, I must say to American Horror Story’s Axeman: “Buh?”
The episode opened with some Gibson haired suffragettes who decide to go vigilante on a New Orleans serial killer. They are roused to action by their supreme, Millie, who if you remember is the very supreme that Fiona offed in order to boost her own promotion. The witches lure the Axeman to Dirty American Hogwarts and proceed to kill the shit out of him. It was super stabby you guys. And as most of us already know, such a violent death will leave a soul stranded, unable to move on.
Ninety years later, Zoe begins to snoop about trying to find clues about Madison. She discovers old class photos and calls to attention the ever dwindling number of students, and then because she’s apparently never seen a movie she decides to use a Ouija board to try to find info about Madison. And then, because she’s the worst witch ever, she decides to use it alone and releases the Axeman’s tortured spirit just enough for him to be a dick and cause trouble. They find Madison in Not-Filch’s tea party and he telpathically conveys a message about Madison’s dead nethers that made me make the Mr. Robinson face. Meanwhile Frankenkyle – wait, sidebar. What do you guys think: Frankenkyle or Fratenstein? I mean I know they’re both sloppy references because technically there were Frankenwitches but who among us does not appreciate wordplay, yes? Anyway. Frankenkyle (it’s got better flow and slant-rhyme) gets way naked and denies Misty her Stevie which is a FAUX PAS. I gotta tell you – I have no qualms about ripping on the show as a whole, because it’s good natured and no matter how disgruntled I seem, I have a good time watching and writing these reviews. That being said, I don’t particularly care for criticizing individuals, but man. This Kyle stuff with the trauma and the repression and the grunting is getting old. Evan Peters is working with what he’s given, but it’s not enjoyable or admirable to watch. One can only take a very specific amount of scream grunting and my limit has officially been exceeded. But I might have seen balls on TV, so there’s that.
And tonight we learn why Derwood banged and killed a redhead. He’s in league with Marie and has been hunting witches for six years. Nice, AHS. You get a point. And it only took until 10:46 to get there. Marie has been paying him to spy and kill Salem witches, keeping her enemies’ numbers in the single digits. Again, Angela Bassett gets only a few minutes of screen time but in those minutes she yells one of my new favorite lines ever: “When I plant a fat ass cracka bitch, I expect her to stay planted, not come back up like the ragweed!” Marie tells him that if he doesn’t bring her all the Salem witches’ heads tout de suite she’ll put an end to him, and since there are like eight episodes left I’m betting that Derwood gon’ die an ugly voodoo undeath. PS I want Fiona to call him Derwood almost as much as I want debaucherous Stevie Nicks.
And now Fiona… the episode ends on two notes, neither of which bode well for the Supreme. Madison is back from the dead and can out Fiona as the killer she is, and Fiona is about to get seduced by the Axeman (Because Dammit Zoe did I spell to allow him to “move on,” which unfortunately meant “leave Dirty American Hogwarts to kill freely”). Fiona’s cancer was a large focus of the episode, which brings me to something that’s been gnawing at my sense of cohesion for a few episodes: If Fiona can bring a dead baby back to life, why can’t she cure her own cancer? Is it because of the nature of the witch, that when her time is up even she cannot stop the inevitable? Or is it something far more sinister – we’re learning more and more about Marie’s intricate pursuit of Salem witches, so she might have a hand in things as well.
This was a weird, disjointed episode and fell under the old AHS trappings of cramming way too much shit into one episode. The Axeman is this season’s Creepy Santa it would appear, but I hope there is more purpose for the Boogey Man this time around.
Also, yes – it’s official, Stevie is going to guest on the show.