Batman Confidential #40

Written and illustrated by Sam Keith, (Creator of The Maxx) this is definitely worth getting just to look at. The story doesn’t seem bad, but it doesn’t seem to stand out either. I really like where his art style is going in this book. Most of the panels make me want to frame them, and hang them on my wall. While I don’t think I was completely pulled in by the story yet, I think it has potential, and I’m really interested to see where it goes in the next few issues. The best part about this run is that it is more like a Sam Keith Elseworlds, so you can jump on board whether you are reading any other Batman comic or not. Viva Batman Confidential #40!

Overview: A fine looking ass-hole by anyone’s standards, the only problem is the location. Usually I like to see my ass-holes dead center of the buttock, while this one hangs to the far right. I’m just glad I’m not the one pooping out the side of my ass.

Prognosis: One beautiful ass colon!

Batgirl #1-6

I’ve always been a fan of both Batgirl, and Stephanie Brown (The Spoiler), and so this seemed like an obvious addition to my hold, (Because the Spoiler is currently Batgirl) although I even began with mixed feelings. For starters, who the hell is Bryan Q. Miller?  And why does he think he’s good enough to write such a book. I don’t trust most of DC’s all-star writers to write these characters, let alone this ass-hole. Although I gave him some six issue leeway to see if he could impress me, and at the end of the third issue it took a turn from “Whatever” to “I don’t like you very much,” when he had Oracle give Stephanie Brown a really stupid looking costume.

If ass-holes had brains, this one still wouldn’t have one! -Slugtron

Honestly the comic did get a little better after she switched costumes because she began interacting with Dick, and Damian, but all at the price of seeing her in this new ridiculous costume. Basically I feel like the book is bitter sweet at best, but leaning more towards the sex with an in-law side of bitter sweet. It basically feels like a bad episode of L.A. Law.

Overview: To get to the problem with this ass-hole I had to examine its shit. Now, if you know me, you’d know I don’t like examining shit. I don’t even like saying the word. My business is ass-holes, and I’ve got to tell you brother, business is booming!

Prognosis: I don’t even know if I’m looking at a bonafide ass-hole.

Last up, Fables # 92

This is the first of a two part series called “Out to the Ball Game.” Let me start off by saying, I’m glad they aren’t wasting Mark Buckingham on this run. It’s not horrible, it’s just a clear deviation from what I want to read about. This issue takes place in Flycatchers Kingdom, where Goblins and recently deceased fables live in harmony under his rule. In fact the issue starts with a parody of Casey at the Bat, where Goblins are the opposing baseball team, and Weyland Smith is Casey playing for humanoid fables. The Goblin Pitcher ends up getting drunk and killing a fable in his drunk stupor, and the next issue is going to be his trial. There I said it! I gave everything away! So now there’s no need to read the issue at all. Honestly other than the Great Fables Crossover, this seems to be the lamest deviation to date. I don’t mind these when they’re added into the trades, but I hate to see them monthly.

Overview: This is an old ass-hole that’s been pooping quite some time, and I imagine it’s going to continue to poop for quite a while longer. I would now like to conjecture what this creatures mouth has been eating lately. Card board, very high fiber, hurts coming out, stinks like a prostitute, leaves a handsome rash for a few days.

Prognosis: A strong enduring colon. Recommending a return visit to the ol’ass doctor soon.

A Zombie’s Perspective:

Capcom’s latest addition to the vs. series puts their wide line-up of characters against an anime company that I have never heard of. Although the Tatsunoku side consists of a good group of interesting character’s I’m sure American sales of this title will be hurt by the lack of recognition.
Upon booting this game I didn’t think too much of it, pretty standard intro (although their theme music is MUCH better than SF4). Basic character select screen, and away we go picking our two and beginning the combat. Round 1, Arse-Bot vs. a beginning Zombietron. Needless to say I lost several times, but slowly began to pick up on the combo system and how fluidly the game allows you to move from point to point.
Playing on a standard Wii-mote the folks at Capcom have given a very easy control scheme, forward and 2, forward and 1, and the list continues with all directions.  This for most learners was pretty easy, but I gotta say, when the battle gets intense, it’s hard to make sure you’re hitting the correct combos when you only have six button choices. Taking these and add few combos like the usual DFP for Ryu’s Hadoken, and the game quickly falls into the standard fighter category with mostly solid controls. Using a classic controller it then begins to play like the Capcom fighters from the SNES days, which once again is easy to adjust and just as fun to work with.

Where I think this game shines as opposed to some of the other members of the vs. group, is the attentiveness to balance the game has. Every character has a strategy, and every character has a weak point you can exploit to win. (ask Mexicus about the upper-cut super counter). That being said through the hours we battled, Tatsunoku seemed to have the advantage in speed, power, and over-all character quality. It simply felt that taking a Capcom character against the futuristic weapon-toting Tatsunoku crew could be considered a mistake. But I still found myself pulling out the wins when it really mattered.  It was nice to see even the giant characters namely px-40 and Lightan (also known by the BSR crew as “The Waffle Iron Dude”) were limited in speed, and you could choose only them, instead of your usual two choices.  AND THEY WERE BEATABLE, unlike the sentinel MVC2.
All-in-all, Tatsunoku is a solid line up of good characters, interesting arenas, and a great time blasting away at your friends.  It has a good technical side for the hardcore fighting kids.  This game is worth a buy, it will even be featured in Evo this year. I say high-five to Capcom for giving Wii owners a game to compete on!

The Zombie Score:

• Graphics: 8.5
• Audio: 8
• Controls: 9
• Replay: 9.5
• Zombie’s Overall : 8.75
• The Composite : 7.75

The Doctor’s perspective! (In other words the correct perspective!)

Dr. Cyborg here, Just got done with a bout on the newly released Tatsunoko Vs. Capcom! The new fighter from Capcom exclusively for the Wii. I found this to be a game that needed to be done for a long time, as this is the first fighting game I’ve purchased for the Wii. (Excluding Smash Bros. which doesn’t count at all, you idiots!)

To preface, I’m a big fan of both Street Fighter in general, and all the Marvel Vs. Capcom games. TVC, is a sort of blend of these games, but not really like either. Thankfully it has the same type of look as SFIV, but the dual battle system of MVC. The biggest variation from both titles is the controls. You can play with a Game Cube controller, the classic controller, or with the Wii remote itself. I’ve found I like the classic controller the best. But that isn’t what separates the controls, it’s that they’ve designed a whole new system. Now rather than having 2 or 3 kick and punch buttons, they’ve combined the buttons. So now your light, medium, and hard buttons throw different types of attacks in different situations. For example, if Ryu is in the air and you press your hard button, it will be a kick, but on the ground holding forward it might be a punch.

It sounds complicated, but in all actuality it simplifies things. I think it makes the game playable to a larger audience, but it’s still complicated enough that if you aren’t skilled, you are going to get your ass kicked. I find myself sentimentally attached to the old system, but I like how easy it is to learn a new character with this decrease in controls. Honestly it’s intimidating to try a new fighter in Street Fighter IV, but in this game every character has their own strengths and weaknesses, but has basically the same controls as everyone else.

To wrap things up for doctors, I’m just going to spout off a few sentences! There’s plenty of playable characters in this game, but I wish there were a few more. (Most notably Ken.) I’ve only played through the arcade a few times, and the computer can be pretty challenging. All of the characters endings seem to be pretty ridiculous. The online play seems awesome if it isn’t lagging out too bad. I find this to be highly enjoyable, but easily not the best Capcom fighting game on the market. (I’m now much more excited for Super Street Fighter IV.)

Overall I’d give it a 7.75/10 (Completely different than a Zombies 7.75)

P.S. Q: What do you call a lame brain that couldn’t think their way out of a super market? Give up?

A: Zombies!

Dr’s rule suckas!

This episode features: Budgetron, Zombietron, Kill-Tacular-Tron, Arse-Bot, Mexicus Prime, Proletariatron, and special guest, Senator Kooche

In this edition of the Big Shiny Podcast! we talk a little about what’s getting started this year in comics along with Green Lantern casting news and of course we can’t avoid talking about the Spider-Man 4 cancellation/reboot. We wrap everything up with an in-depth discussion with Senator Kooche about Halo: Reach… also we give Mexicus Prime a pat on the back for managing to not tell his highly inappropriate “skull fucking joke”.

This podcast also features the inaugural episode of Swank’s Star Wars Update minicast, so be sure to watch for those monthly on our iTunes page!

Finally, we apologize for the “bleeping out” towards the end but Budgetron leaks some inside info that turns out we aren’t at liberty to release yet! Okay, enough reading, get to listening!

January Big Shiny Podcast

• iTunes – Be sure to subscribe, rate and comment!
• BSR mp3

I’ll admit that I’m a faithfully enamored Nintendo fan, but this only applies to their beyond famous titles. Mario, Zelda, Metroid, there are others, but save to say, I spend a lot of money on Nintendo games, and I’m generally satisfied. In fact you could say I’ve come to trust them. But do I trust them for something that doesn’t have the hallmark characters I’ve become fond of? The answer is a definitive NO.

When I first looked at the pictures for Glory of Heracles I really wasn’t sure what to expect. All I knew was it was an RPG based around Greek mythology. (A cool premise) But Nintendo hasn’t really done that many RPG’s, and when they have, they aren’t traditional in any way. The only thing it really had going for it was the fact that some of the Final Fantasy creators were working on it. Which was just enough to make me want to try it.

Story: The game starts with an amnesiac boy who finds out he’s immortal. Traveling the world he runs into other immortals that have sketchy pasts. As you progress you learn more of each of the characters back stories, until all is finally revealed. The characters pasts were by far the best part of the story, and it certainly made this game stick out. It wasn’t trying to tell an old Greek story, but its own story, filled with enjoyable characters, and story turns that range from touching to comedic. I found myself laughing out loud several times.

Without revealing too much story, one of the best concepts in the game is that there are four Heracles’, and you spend most the game wondering who’s the real one. To add to this, each of the Heracles’ have very different personalities. My favorite of which punches a princess in the face because she won’t shut up.

Overall the story isn’t very strong, but the characters, and the dramatic revelations make it seem great.

8/10

Gameplay: This is definitely the strong suit of this game. It has a fairly traditional battle command system, you can use normal controls, or if you prefer they all work with the stylus. You can also control every other aspect of the game with the stylus, though I opted not to.

The battle commands and battle system are equivalent to any Dragon Quest, Final Fantasy, or Breath of Fire, but in a lot of ways Glory of Heracles did it better. Starting with the fact it had a unique front-row/back-row system. Next, It offered a mini-game power-up system for your special moves. So every time you cast a spell it would ask if you wanted to play a short mini-game with the stylus in order to increase the damage of the spell. It sounds as if it might get boring after a while, but you can always skip it, and additionally there’s probably more than twenty different mini-games. Some as easy as tapping the screen repeatedly, and some as complex as a short game of Simon.

Another thing this game got right, was the balance of the game. The way they dished out experience and money seemed perfect. There wasn’t a time when I needed to sit and level, but there wasn’t a time I felt over leveled either. The dungeons were fast paced, and well done, but the game did lack mystery. I wish they threw in a few puzzles throughout the game. It seemed as if in place of puzzles, they made the method of killing dungeon bosses very strategy based. (An acceptable substitute, but they could have done both!)

Another thing I liked was the fact that it is played straight through. You can’t loose your way, if there’s an obscure house you have to go to before moving to the next area, you will know it! I think this style worked great for a portable game. You still have 30 hours+ of game play, but you feel as if you are moving forward with every five minutes you put in.

10/10

Graphics & Appearance: This looked fine for a DS game, it had a nice Breath of Fire 3 quality to it, and the characters were well animated. There wasn’t any spectacular movies or anything, but some animations that did look cool. Although some of the graphics were cheesy at times, my overall feeling is that it looked great.

The one complaint I have, is that there weren’t that many monsters, and they reused the same ones a lot. They looked good for the most part, but I wish there were many more of them. (Not all of them had cool names, but the Hemo-goblin, made me laugh.)

9/10

Overall: This was a solid RPG that is funny, and fun to play through. The story lacks excellence, but the characters back stories make up the difference. The battle system was one of the best I’ve seen. I think everyone should try this purely for the fact that you can’t get lost during the game, and it tells a simple enough story that you can literally play it in your spare time and have a full RPG experience.

OVERALL SCORE: 9/10

You can buy your copy from Amazon here!

Note: this is the fifth game in the series, but the first one that they released in the U.S. (This is completely independent of all the other games in the series.) I hope they release a U.S. sequel. I’m excited to get more details, personally.

I want to preface this post with that I am by no means an Apple hater. I own an iPhone that I am constantly glued to, and up until recently I owned a Macbook that I loved dearly.

That said however, I think Apple may have a flop on their hands at first glance with the iPad. Here are my thoughts:

First, let’s start off with the facts. Here are the iPad specs:

• .5 inches thin
• 1.5 lbs
• 9.7 inch IPS display
• Capacitive multitouch
• 1GHz proc Apple A4 chip (PA Semi!)
• 16GB, 32GB, 64GB
• 802.11n WiFi
• BT 2.1
• Compass
• 10 hrs battery life
• 1 month standby

At first glance, I can see the appeal. It’s bigger than an iPhone/iPod, has a pretty screen, and is relatively portable – but dig under the surface and you have a product that doesn’t really seem to have a realistic demographic.

Let’s start with current Apple customers with iPod Touches and iPhones. What’s the use of buying this product? My iPhone can do everything the iPad can, it’s more portable, has a camera, and along with my monthly AT&T service I can make calls and send texts. iPod Touch users, you can do all the same things the iPad can as well. This iPad is essentially a giant iPod Touch with optional 3G service – that will further slow down AT&T’s already struggling network.

It’s my understanding that this is meant to compete with all of those netbooks out there. Again, Apple missed the mark. Sure, you can surf the web, but beyond that what else are you going to do with it? I know, I hear you Kindle and Nook fans out there, you can read books and stuff on it – but a Nook is in color and far less costly. You can also store photos and music on there – again, I can do that on my iPhone that fits in my pocket. Finally, a lot of netbook users out there want their netbooks for two main reasons – web and basic office functions. iWorks? I’m sorry, you want to compete out there you need Microsoft Office. Most of the white collar industry out there still functions on PC’s and Microsoft Office programs – the traveling business community out there is not going to risk compatibility issues while they are on the road between Microsoft Word and iWorks Pages. And even if you were okay with that risk, how are you going to type it? A touch screen keyboard works well on a small device, anything bigger than that you need a physical keyboard to do any meaningful work that requires typing (And yes, I know, there is a keyboard dock for it- I’m about to get to that). Not to mention no multitasking like the iPhone/iPod Touch – meaning you can’t have Pages and Safari open simultaneously.

Perhaps the biggest problem for Apple – which is a common one – is pricing. I know you get what you pay for, but let’s break this down. You can get a relatively top of the line (by netbook standards) HP netbook for about $35o. Seems reasonable for a stripped down laptop that is meant to be used mostly for web and basic office uses – all packaged together in a nice smaller package. Well, here’s Apple’s pricing on the iPad:

I own a 16GB iPhone, with all of my Apps, music, videos, and photos, it’s nearly to capacity. To me, a 16GB iPad-meant-to-be-a-laptop-thing isn’t reasonable; you start adding other files, more videos (because “…the iPad is awesome for TV shows and Movies!”) you are going to burn through that 16 GB pretty damn fast. So let’s say you go for the 32GB (again, they make iPhones with this capacity) and you can live without the 3G -which would cost you an additional $30/month from AT&T – so you are at $600+. Okay, well that’s “only” $250 more than that HP netbook; but then you buy the iPad and decide to reasonably use it at home or to type anything significant, you need that keyboard dock, and you better believe for a touchscreen device like this you are going to want that case. Let’s say this all costs another -and I’m being generous here I think- $100; BAM! You’re more than double the price a netbook that would more than likely meet all your needs.

So who is this iPad meant for? There’s not enough there for a traveling business-type to feasably use it, it’s too expensive for someone who wants to buy something like this to just surf the web, and I don’t see any reason a college student could use one (and I know, I am one). There are little components to each of these demographics, but nothing substantial it seems to justify the costly price tag (a price tag that Apple laughably advertises on their site right now as an “unbelieveable price”); you get up to that 64GB+3G range and you may as well just drop the extra 200 bones to get a more reasonable and useful Macbook.

The iPad is a device that you can use to:

• Surf the web without Flash plugin
• Create “office” documents without a physical keyboard (stock) and risking compatibility issues with the more widely used Microsoft Office
• Store photos and videos
• Store music
• Download and read books
• Utilize the many App Store apps on a larger screen than your iPhone/iPod Touch
• Look up maps and directions – because using this thing in a car would be safe…

Does that sound like it’s worth the $500+ price tag?

I think the Kindle and the Nook are both great ideas and products – they are also ideas that are aimed at a specific market. The iPad feels too much like a shotgun blast at several different markets with little substance to back it up. There isn’t enough included to compete in the netbook market and it costs too much to compete in the e-reader market, so where does it fit? Had apple maybe just comeout with an e-reader like a Nook or Kindle that maybe did a little more to give it an edge but still keep the price tag under $400 Apple might have a product that makes sense.

I assure you, I’m not a tech snob, and the iPad looks… neat and will probably in some way revolutionize computers down the road and it’s impressive that we even live in a world where a product like this exists, but Apple missed a mark. I love my iPhone. I use it all the time: It’s my iPod when I’m at the gym, it’s my social network outlet while I’m at work, it’s my internet on the go, it’s my handheld gaming device when I’m bored, and it even had a Kindle application for books, and most importantly it fits in my pocket and only cost me $300. Ultimately, I think Apple fanboys are going to rush out and buy the iPad, but without a clear market to corner and a hefty pricetag, I think Apple may have a flop on their hands.

A report from The Heatvision Blog over at the Hollywood Reporter has confirmed that AMC has picked up Robert Kirkman’s The Walking Dead, but they also insist that the pilot is going to be shot:

AMC is looking to extend its perfect development record with the pickup of two new drama pilots, “Walking Dead” and “The Killing.” They mark the fourth and fifth pilots ordered by the basic cable network, with its first three, “Mad Men,” “Breaking Bad” and “Rubicon,” all going to series.

This is very promising news about the project.  I’ve heard some casting rumours and I’m very happy with that direction, too…  And when the pilot is shot, whether it gets to be a series or not, we’ll have some live action Walking Dead to look at.

To read the full report, click here.

As almost the entire nerd and geek community are aware, yesterday Sony dropped a bomb. They announced that Spider-Man 4 has been cancelled and that Sony will move forward with a reboot of the franchise, aiming for a Summer 2012 release.

Probably more than most of the bots on this site, I have invested quite a bit of time keeping up with the development of Raimi’s fourth installment of the series – from the resigning of the cast to villain speculation, and more recently, the production hold and Malkovich’s confirmation of the Vulture being Raimi’s villain of choice. Upon hearing the news of the cancellation, I have mixed emotions about it. I’m going to break down my thoughts for you and I want you to share what you think in the comments below.

I want to start with the bad, so hopefully I can end on a fairly positive note. And let me be clear, overall, I do think this can be a positive thing.

So, let’s face it, while Spidey 3 wasn’t fantastic, most fans of Raimi and the franchise seemed to be willing to give it a pass in hopes of a better 4th installment. There were several stories wrapped up in Spider-Man 3, but it also left a lot of things open. A few things I would have like to see come to fruition at the hands of Raimi:

1. Peter and MJ’s relationship status was questionable at best at the end of 3, we will never get a resolution to how bad Peter screwed the pooch on this one.
2. Would have liked to see The Lizard character take form
3. Over the course of three movies, we never got to see Peter truly be Spider-Man. He was always just learning to use his powers, questioning them, or falling to a “dark side”. Aside from the end of Spider-Man 2 I feel we never got to see a confident “I’m Spider-Man and I’m going to fight the bad guy” Peter Parker.
4. Finally, on my abbreviated list, we never saw a good ol’ fashioned purely evil villain. All of the villains from the films had some sob story about them to try to make you feel bad. Not once did we see a villain bent on destroying Spider-Man that didn’t care who or what got in his way. I would have loved to see some villain show up and truly go toe-to-toe with Spider-Man, with Spidey having no choice but to kick his ass into next week.

Perhaps had Spider-Man 3 been better and wrapped more things up I would be a lot more excited about a reboot, but I feel a lack of closure with the current series that even perhaps one more entry from Raimi could have remedied.

Above everything else though, the most negative part about this is this little tidbit from the press-release from Sony:

“Now everything begins anew, and that’s got us all tremendously excited about what comes next. Under the continuing supervision of Avi and Laura, we have a clear vision for the future of Spider-Man and can’t wait to share this exciting new direction with audiences in 2012.”

If any Spider-Man fan could only name one person to blame for the bad of Spider-Man 3 I think most would agree on one man: Avi Arad (now, not to say Raimi wasn’t 100% excused from being part of the problem). Essentially, he forced Raimi’s hand into putting Venom in the film among other aspects. The sheer fact that the reboot is in the hands of Sony and this man makes me weary. Just when I think a lot of people breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing Riami will have more control over the major decisions of the fouth installment we hear that Arad and Sony will be again at the helm for a reboot. I doubt even the biggest haters of Spider-Man 3 are at least a little weary about this fact of the reboot.

And finally, just today, EW has published news/rumor/specualtion that Sony may be wanting to go for a more gritty reboot like Batman Begins. Let me be clear, Spider-Man is not that gritty. Spider-Man 2 had just enough light-heartedness and reality to keep it balanced. You turn Spider-Man into a Batman and you will lose some of what’s so great about Spidey.

Now, for the positive.

The set-up. For as much of a lack of closure there is after Spider-Man 3, there is a fact that the writers had kind of written themselves into a corner. Were they going to flesh out the Stacy’s? What kind of leap of faith would MJ have to take to stay with Peter? While there are a lot of directions we would have really liked to see the next installment go, realistically there were only a few roads they could take without asking the audience to either just ignore some of the movie’s continuity or take a leap of faith with some plot holes. So with a reboot, we have a fresh start to hopefully learn from mistakes and create a continuity and story that can feasibly be carried across multiple movies.

The cast. I really like the idea of a new cast. I’ve never been a huge fan of Toby being Peter, I hated Dunst as MJ, and the fact that Franco went back to do some soap opera episodes says a lot. In fact, I think the best casting that was done was JK Simmons in the part of J. Jonah Jameson – and he was at best a supporting role! So bring in a new cast, do a better job at casting the parts. I am actually excited about this.

A new beginning. Sony explicitly stated in their press release they want to explore Peter’s roots. I would love to see perhaps a little younger Peter, perhaps Ultimate Spider-Man style? Keep him in high school longer, let him deal with that aspect of beeing a teenager, high school student, and superhero. I would also love to see Gwen Stacy played out and have MJ come in later.

Finally, fanboy speculation. Remember before the first movie came out? All the excitement and wonder about how Spidey would be handled on the big screen? Well, we get to experience that again. All the hopes, ideas, fanboy lists of demands – it’s all back at square one and even with all of the concerns from the first time around, anything is possible at this point!

Overall, while I would have liked to see some closure and another entry that was more in Raimi’s control, this reboot will probably have more positive than good. Hopefully, Sony will see the success Marvel has had with their own movies and allow for more input from them. There are a lot of good up and coming writers and directors out there that I’m sure will be able to do this franchise justice, and I for one am looking forward to the next interpretation of everyone’s favorite wall-crawler! If anything, we not longer have to be forced to watch Kirsten Dunst’s horrid interpretation of MJ anymore! Rejoice!

Now that we can lay all of this Spider-Man 4 drama to rest, start watching for Spider-Man reboot news and rumors!

Sound off in the comments! What are you all excited/concerned about with a reboot!?

Deadline Hollywood has run a press release from Sony saying that Spider-Man 4 is cancelled.

Here is the press release:

Culver City, CA (January 11, 2010) — Peter Parker is going back to high school when the next Spider-Man hits theaters in the summer of 2012. Columbia Pictures and Marvel Studios announced today they are moving forward with a film based on a script by James Vanderbilt that focuses on a teenager grappling with both contemporary human problems and amazing super-human crises.

The new chapter in the Spider-Man franchise produced by Columbia, Marvel Studios and Avi Arad and Laura Ziskin, will have a new cast and filmmaking team. Spider-Man 4 was to have been released in 2011, but had not yet gone into production.

“A decade ago we set out on this journey with Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire and together we made three Spider-Man films that set a new bar for the genre. When we began, no one ever imagined that we would make history at the box-office and now we have a rare opportunity to make history once again with this franchise. Peter Parker as an ordinary young adult grappling with extraordinary powers has always been the foundation that has made this character so timeless and compelling for generations of fans. We’re very excited about the creative possibilities that come from returning to Peter’s roots and we look forward to working once again with Marvel Studios, Avi Arad and Laura Ziskin on this new beginning,” said Amy Pascal, co-chairman of Sony Pictures Entertainment.

“Working on the Spider-Man movies was the experience of a lifetime for me. While we were looking forward to doing a fourth one together, the studio and Marvel have a unique opportunity to take the franchise in a new direction, and I know they will do a terrific job,” said Sam Raimi.

“We have had a once-in-a-lifetime collaboration and friendship with Sam and Tobey and they have given us their best for the better part of the last decade.This is a bittersweet moment for us because while it is hard to imagine Spider-Man in anyone else’s hands, I know that this was a day that was inevitable,” said Matt Tolmach, president of Columbia Pictures, who has served as the studio’s chief production executive since the beginning of the franchise. “Now everything begins anew, and that’s got us all tremendously excited about what comes next. Under the continuing supervision of Avi and Laura, we have a clear vision for the future of Spider-Man and can’t wait to share this exciting new direction with audiences in 2012.”

“Spider-Man will always be an important franchise for Sony Pictures and a fresh start like this is a responsibility that we all take very seriously,” said Michael Lynton, Chairman and CEO of Sony Pictures. “We have always believed that story comes first and story guides the direction of these films and as we move onto the next chapter, we will stay true to that principle and will do so with the highest respect for the source material and the fans and moviegoers who deserve nothing but the best when it comes to bringing these stories and characters to life on the big screen.”

The studio will have more news about Spider-Man in 2012 in the coming weeks as it prepares for production of the film.

This should be pretty upsetting to a Spider-Man fans in a lot of ways. It was that different direction the studio wants to take that forced Sam Raimi to ruin the third Spider-Man picture. With the 2nd film we got to see what Raimi wanted to do and it was perfect, the 3rd film showed us what studio meddling can do and now, this 4th outing of the franchise (in reboot form) will show us how bad things can get.

You can see in the press release a few things that should have us scared as well. The biggest red flag?

“Spider-Man will always be an important franchise for Sony Pictures and a fresh start like this is a responsibility that we all take very seriously,” said Michael Lynton, Chairman and CEO of Sony Pictures.

I’ve been saying this for a long time, but Sony is never going to let Marvel regain control of this property. They’re going to reboot it over and over and over again, like James Bond. Hopefully, we’re not entering a Roger Moore-like era for the character.

If they were smart, they’d join forces with Marvel studios, keep Raimi on and let him do what they want.

Unfortunately they’re not, and this press release is what we get.

UPDATE: The Hollywood Reporter is reporting it, as is everyone else.  Looks like this is the case.

Oh 2012, how far away you seem.

Paramount has announced that we can expect a follow-up to JJ Abrams’ blockbuster reboot of Star Trek on June 29 of 2012. Of course, this early in the game no confirmed villain has been announced –  though, the entire cast is expected to return.

I for one am all about giving Abrams the time he needs but 2012 just seems so far away now. Good thing we will have plenty of movies like Marvel and DC offerings to keep us entertained (maybe) until then. So, it looks like at least for the next 2.5 years the debate will continue, who will make the best villain for the follow up? Kahn? Klingons? Borg? Maybe the Ferengi? (I’m kidding on that last one…)

Let us know in the comments who you would like to see! I know it’s very “Next Generationy”, but I personally think Abrams should leave well-enough-alone with Kahn (not that I don’t have faith in him) and go with the Borg. Just imagine what kind of badassness Abrams could do with them? I mean, I know that supposedly first contact with the Borg wasn’t made until TNG era, but he’s already messed with the timeline, so why not?!

Hello folks! Dr. Cyborg just got himself a new gig. It doesn’t pay as well, but I love what I do. Today we’ll be shoving our camera up the ass of a few comic books that I’ve read recently, and hopefully finding out if they are in good health or not.

First up, Ultimate Avenger’s #1-4

Written by ultra mega star Mark Millar, I thought this was a pretty safe bet going in, and in that way it didn’t defy my expectations. I sure do appreciate Captain America kicking some ass, but I found that I like it a little bit better to see him get his ass kicked. Therefore I think my favorite issue so far was #1. But I like the direction it’s going in, and knowing Mark Millar it’s going to get a lot better. (Aside for Old Man Logan, which blew its load early, peaked, and then ended okay.) For anyone that hasn’t read this title yet, I suggest jumping on board. You won’t be disappointed, and you don’t have to know what’s been going on to appreciate it. (I know because no one knows what went on in Ultimatum.)

I haven’t had this much fun since Jr. prom! -Slugtron

Overview: It’s a good looking ass-hole, no debris, no irritation. I’m taking a wild guess that they are using a premium fluffy toilet paper, and possibly applying lotion afterward.

Prognosis: Colon in good order.

Suggested retail price: Priceless!

Next up is, The Haunt #1-4

Robert Kirkman, and what’s his names, new baby. (ummm…Todd Mcfarlane I think?) while it seems to me that even Mcfarlane is giving most of the credit to Kirkman on this one, it does have more of a Spawn feel. A special agent gets killed, then haunts his brother that’s a priest, who is now in a sticky situation because of his association with said dead brother. The spirit and the priest somehow combine, turning them into a sort of grim superhero.

Well, I didn’t hate Spawn, and I don’t hate this. I think Kirkman is good at writing this type of arcane gore, and he is  good at the slow reveal of the characters pasts. I just don’t know how interested I am in these characters anyways. The book does look awesome, with pencils by Ryan Ottley, but I just haven’t committed myself fully to this book yet. Invincible, and Walking Dead seem to be a little more my cup of tea. Although if you are still into what Spawn had to offer than you should definitely be on this book.

Overview: While this anus appears in good order, on examination of the fecal matter there seems to be traces of blood. Something you want to watch out for. I would give it a few months, and see if things have cleared up.

Prognosis: Possible mud-butt.

Almost as good as the robot equivalent to menstruating! -Slugtron

Suggested retail price: $2.99

Next we have Ultimate Spider-Man Vol.2 #1-6

I have to give it to Bendis, he can write a lot of comic books… I don’t think he’s doing a horrible job either, he’s definitely got me reading. My biggest problem with Bendis is I think he is only funny half the time. He writes an entertaining comic but he doesn’t know when to stop. His touching moments aren’t touching, and it doesn’t help that David Lafuente is only passable half the time as well. Some of his pages make me stop and say, “…” while others make me utter words. The point is, I like the direction of this book, it is a good read, but it lacks excellence.

What it lacks in looks, it makes up for in…Well at least it has pages.  –Slugtron

Overview: This ass-hole isn’t wiped well enough. The left over feces is irritating the skin around the anus, but it hasn’t become infected as of yet.

Prognosis: A smelly, but healthy ass-hole.

Suggested retail price: $3.99 (a little high for this book in my opinion.)

Join us next time when Dr. Cyborg illegally shows you other comics private medical charts! You’ll never guess what comic book character dying  of spastic dysentery!