Our newest guest contributor, Wall-D, is here with a new weekly, geeky dating advice column for BSR!
“You have the ability to overcome great fear. Welcome to the Green Lantern Corps.”
In the wake of Hollywood completely ruining one of comics’ best characters, I thought it’d be a good week to remind ourselves of what we like about Hal Jordan. Hal Jordan was selected as the defender of Space Sector 2814 for the same reason any Green Lantern is selected: he has the ability to overcome great fear. In a word, he is confident.
This is why, despite whatever other problems that movie may have, I never took issue with the casting of Ryan Reynolds. Many fanboys cried foul, citing any number of the turds Reynolds had dropped in his career. (Prime example: “Just Friends,” the most insulting portrayal of overweight nerds–my people–ever to grace the silver screen. Notable exception: “Buried,” the best concept movie I’ve seen in years.) Reynolds just didn’t fit their conception of the character. He was the type of actor who plays the lead in dumb romantic comedies, not a stalwart defender of the galaxy.
Here’s why they were wrong: Reynolds is likability personified, and he knows it. This makes him seem like a cocky asshole to anyone familiar with cocky assholes (most prominently the geek community). But cocky assholes, Hal Jordan, and Ryan Reynolds all share that one crucial element that Green Lantern rings are programmed to identity: they’re confident as hell.
And guess what, nerds? Mystical alien power rings are not the only desirable other-wordly beings attracted to confidence.
Last week, I wrote about facing your jackpot moment. This week, let’s talk about how to recognize it in the first place. Chances are, it won’t be quite as obvious as Mary Jane Watson standing in your doorway and calling you “Tiger.”
Then again, it might be. Part of the inspiration for this blog series is an experience I had a few months back, when I found myself on the receiving end of the words, “Hey, Wall-D, I kind of have a big crush on you.” The words were uttered not by the automated self-affirmation program on my laptop, but by an actual human woman. A really cool, smart, attractive, and confident human woman who I will refer to as Blondebot. (She’s blonde.)
Blondebot and I had been seeing a lot of each other at the time. She had come to nearly every event I had planned in the past few weeks (I plan a lot of events), and had even invited me over to her place a couple of times. Prior to that, she had commented on a number of my geeky facebook statuses, and we had chatted online as voraciously as Matthew Broderick and that insane supercomputer. On the night in question, we had attended a Decemeberists concert together, just us, at this beautifully restored Art Deco concert hall. Oh yeah, and it was Valentine’s Day.
With all that in mind, you might think my reaction to Blondebot’s proclamation would mirror Han Solo’s “>most famous line. Instead, I hewed more closely to R2D2’s most famous sound. I didn’t scream, exactly, but I was shocked, confused, and a little bit scared.
Don’t get me wrong. I was extremely pleased to learn that a girl I really enjoyed being around had some romantic interest in me. I just wasn’t sure how to process that information. Some deep and primal part of my brain believed that girls like Blondebot did not go for guys like me. Even though she had possibly been sending me signals for weeks, it took an outright declaration on her part to even begin to override that programming.
I decided to make her explain. “You have a crush on me? I mean, that’s great! But uh, I don’t know? I’m surprised! I guess it just hadn’t occurred to me before. I kind of thought you were, like, out of my league!”
Not my most confident moment, but what Blondebot said next was a game-changer for me.
“I guess I’m not going to pretend that I’m shocked by that. But, Wall-D, you are a catch. You’re fun. You’re smart. You have really good taste. You’re funny. Basically I just have a good time with you, and I thought it would be ridiculous not to acknowledge that, given that we just attended a romantic concert together on Valentine’s Day.”
I was floored. Blondebot had just said exactly what I needed to hear. See, my lack of confidence with women never stemmed from self-loathing as much as empirical evidence. It wasn’t that I didn’t like myself. Like most geeks, I had spent my life creating a world where I felt comfortable, based mostly around comic books, videogames, television, movies, theater, and humor. I liked that world, and I saw myself as a reflection of it. But I had become convinced, through years of soul-crushing rejection, that girls did not find my world as interesting as a six-pack of abs.
What Blondebot said changed all that. Here was a girl–attractive, even hot, by any standards, but also clever, fun, successful, and self-assured–telling me straight-up that she was attracted to the very same qualities I like about myself.
That was my Hal Jordan moment, when I stopped totally doubting my ability to attract the opposite sex and began to develop some confidence. It didn’t happen all at once, and even this blog is in part an attempt to address the lingering self-doubt that nests in the souls of all geeks. But Blondebot planted a seed that day, a single green crystal of confidence that may eventually bloom into my own central power battery. (Especially if I can ever stop saying sentences like that one in public.)
Why share this story with you? Because I wish someone had told me sooner. Who knows how many seemingly out-of-my-league women had been interested in me, nerdiness and all, prior to Blondebot, and just didn’t have the moxie to put it out there? Who knows how much happiness I let slip by because of my lingering self-doubt?
Don’t let the same thing happen to you. If you’re at all like me, there’s a lot you like about yourself, even if others don’t always see it. The big mistake is believing their version of attractiveness is more valid than yours. Instead, focus on the things you think make you great, and eventually, someone else will see them too. If you’re in an ambiguous situation and receiving mixed signals, don’t assume that the other person couldn’t possibly be interested in you; think of all the reasons they would be, and behave as if they are.
If there’s one thing all geeks are good at, it’s obsessively loving things. Confidence is nothing more than turning that ability in on yourself. In other words, you have the ability to overcome great fear. Use it.
Based on a classic pin-up by the ever-incredible Steve Ditko, a limited run of 1,000 of these figures will be available at SDCC for a retail of $49.99. I really want one. Enough to bribe some of my fellow SDCC attending robots to pick me up one. You can read the official press release below, and while you do, I’m going to clean up this puddle of drool…
