Man. Sometimes it’s easy to forget just how messed up Crowley is. He’s quippy and funny and likes to question hetero-normative society. But in “Clip Show” we are reminded why he is the King of Hell.

I will admit to not recognizing the kid in the wicked gory teaser. In fact, I would think of it throughout the first couple acts of the show and wonder why it even happened. I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out what a Wendigo killing had to do with the third quest, a new and improved exorcism, and the saving of a demon. Nor could I understand what it had to do with Booger Metatron and Castiel scheming to close the gates of Heaven. And after we were all diverted by an episode of terse writing, which included a non-gratuitous use of black and white cinematography and an interesting sub-plot regarding a Young Frankenstein’d Abaddon, Crowley was pulling off his greatest trick yet: He’s killing the only thing the Winchesters have to live for. Their saves. Good GOD, man!

The “really?”:

• Is Castiel really being set up for yet another bad-decision plot that will leave him in Dean’s bad graces? I really hope not. I really really hope not. Misha Collins is going to be a regular in season nine, not a guest star. I would hope that the show would figure out a standard for this character. One that is not the Ben Stiller Movie Character of the show. We fangirls love to compare Cas to a be-trenched kitten, but don’t make him that kitten anymore, yeah? Cas gets to be a hero sometime. Please.

The NUH-UH!!!

• I seriously just realized that the woman that plays Abaddon is the Black Canary from Smallville. Awesome!
• And speaking of, Abaddon is starting to grow on me. I have high hopes for her part in the finale, and think we got a huge clue tonight regarding her relationship with Crowley.

The Awesome:

• Doc Cottle spotting!
• Cas’s grocery shopping. Raise your hand if you said aloud “Don’t forget the pie, Cas” and then let loose with an Annie/Britta/Shirley “AAAAAWWWWWW” when he didn’t. *raises hand*
• Mark Sheppard for the win! Crowley’s speech was nothing short of mesmerizing. That gruff voice, those horrifying ideals, all shot in a Godfather-like edit with Sam and Dean trying to save a life for the second time. Every once in a while, Supernatural crosses over from genre TV into hardcore drama, and tonight was one of those nights.

The “oh. Well OK.”

• The general emotion I ascertained from the internet when the third trial was announced was “pissed off.” We fans were upset that the one demon who would be worthy of a redemption story, whose story would be relevant to future episodes, and who we liked – dammit – had just been killed. We were kind of pissed. We didn’t care about some random schmo being saved, and we maybe a little cared about the Abaddon idea. But then, we saw the previews for next week. Oooooooooh, we collectively sighed. Innnnnteresting, we collectively said with raised eyebrows.

So what do you think, fandom? Do you think Crowley will be saved? Will he be an ally to the Winchesters next season, and do we even want that? Who will take the throne in Hell? Abaddon? Or will Cas’s scheme go horribly awry only to cast him down as a fallen angel? I’m excited to hear your thoughts!

PS: “>Seven days….

Han Solo goes to ground in the Coruscant underworld, Leia pulls off an amazing escape only to be left adrift, and Luke goes AWOL in this week’s Star Wars comic. The Empire truly is one step ahead! (more…)

Jason Aaron could write a vacuum cleaner repair manual, and I would read it. Every week. For the rest of my life. He’s that damned good. Thor: God of Thunder has been my must-read title since my good friend Jeff Vice plunked issue one in front of me so many months ago. Point: if not for this comic, I wouldn’t have found the other Marvel NOW titles that have pulled me back into the fold. Point: Science Fiction and Fantasy has never been this good. I’m serious. There is magic here, real quantifiable magic that smacks you across the face like a star-shark. Jason Aaron and Esad Ribic have created a comic for the ages; something to stare at, jaw agape, wondering how it could possibly get any better, knowing full well that it simply will.

Thor from the Viking Age, Thor the Avenger, and Thor, King of Asgard, all in one title, bound together by one foe, in three time-lines. Now, with issue 8, we get all three versions of the God of Thunder together, to take on Gorr the God Butcher. Gorr has enslaved a horde of gods from all times throughout the universe. He has them mining stars to build a bomb that will destroy every god that ever was. Let’s just leave it at that. Go read the damned book!

The Good: Everything in this book is perfect. The dialogue jumps off the page. The art is painterly and inspiring. Thor, as drawn by Ribic, is beyond heroic; this is what a god should look like.

The Rad: King Thor’s contempt for his younger selves: “Hela’s pale bosom, boy! Go polish thine hammer or practice growing a beard before I cast thy ass overboard”; “Yes, lucky me. Another one”. Thor and his yet to be born grand-daughters. Starsharks. Gorr’s son explaining why Gorr wants a universe without gods. Young Thor summoning lightning. King Thor and Avenger Thor’s bickering. “We’ve no more Ale”. King Thor’s ship. Every single panel of art.

The Fugly: My only complaint with this book? That it ends. Waiting another month is more than my mere mortal mind can fathom.

Thor: the God of Thunder is available now at your local comic shop. And just in case you didn’t catch it, it’s highly, gushingly recommended.

John Constantine has to travel to London to stop a couple of mystic baddies from collecting the last ingredient to a big-time magical artifact: a compass that can locate every mystic resource in the world. Constantine has three things going against him: Sargon the Sorceress and Mister E, two nasty spell-slingers who really want that compass, and the city of London itself. Turns out Constantine has been cursed to die if he sets foot in London, so he figures he has mere minutes to find what he needs and escape before his head explodes.

The trouble starts on page 2; Constantine is already starting to hemorrhage. Constantine knows he has very little time to find the lens of the compass. An old flame of his picks him up to give him a lift, and the whole city starts to collapse around them. A really nasty trap is sprung, a deal is struck, and the final component for the compass is found.

The Good: Ray Fawkes and Jeff Lemire are doing a pretty nice job of capturing the voice of John Constantine. Renato Guedes throws some decent-to-good pencil work around. Constantine is a cock-sure bastard. London literally collapsing as it tries to kill Constantine.

The Rad: The trap sprung half way through this issue is just nasty. Bodies hanging from visceral nooses everywhere, perspective completely out of whack and a London-scape ripped straight from hell. The Riddling Butcher is a nasty piece of work. The art at times borders on incredible…

The Fugly:…and the art at times borders on mediocre. Constantine looks less sly than palsied in a few panels. For a horror comic, there is very little menace at play; classic Hellblazer could be downright un-nerving, and often times with really flimsy art. Fawkes and Lemire need to up their game and write real horror, or fans of the franchise will move on. Horrific imagery is only part of the battle, guys! The stakes involved in Contstantine so far have been explained, but never really felt. This is the set-up for a bigger story yet to come, so I’m going to stay on with you… For now. Recommended for Hellblazer fans, casual recommend for horror fans.

Constantine #3 is available now at your local comic shop.

I am a life-long lover of Marvel Mutant Mayhem, and lately, my cup runneth over. I’ve been out of the loop for a long time, but the launch of Marvel NOW has pulled me back with a vengeance. I haven’t been reading everything (I’m only mildly wealthy, after all), but I have been reading more comics lately than I have in nearly two decades. Mission accomplished, Marvel. Your mom and I are so very proud!

I’ve been a fan of Rick Remender’s writing since Fear Agent. He has a way with dialogue that is engaging, flippant, and poignant all at once. Uncanny Avengers has not be an exception. Starting with the Red Skull stealing the brain of Charles Xavier and starting a wave of anti-Mutant hysteria, and then moving into the current Heirs of Apocalypse storyline, Remender has been keeping his story moving along quite nicely.

Eimin and Uriel, the children of Archangel and heirs apparent to the throne of Apocalypse assassinated a Celestial in issue 7. Now, they are back on Earth (after destroying a SWORD orbital station) and trying to woo Sunfire back into the fold as their agent of Famine. Thor and Sunfire team up to save Rio De Janeiro from burning orbital wreckage. Wasp tries to get cozy with Havock. Captain America crash lands in the Sudan. Parts of the Avengers team start to suspect their mutant team-mates of keeping secrets. Thor’s old axe makes a comeback.

The Good: Wolverine is in the background here, unless needed for the overall story. Havock shrugging off the Wasp’s advances. Eimin and Uriel are interesting, to say the least.

The Rad: Shiro and Thor are my new Abbot and Costello: “Do you require a hug to sort out your disposition”? “Would you risk hugging the core of the sun itself”? Sunfire in Rio:”No, please. no need to thank me, Rio. Thank the Avengers for having the foresight to beg Sunfire to join”. Captain America in the Sudan is AWESOME.

The Fugly: That smack was for blasphemy, Junior! Remender’s pacing is excellent. This isn’t mere Fights and Tights, kids. Daniel Acuna’s artwork is very sharp, and keeps you focused on the overall story from start to finish. I’m sure I could find something not to like here, but why bother? Uncanny Avengers is a great read!

Uncanny Avengers #8 is available at your local comic shop now.

The best part about this movie is that Bones is able to say “god dammit.” The end. OK, not really. There was still a little fun to be had. The shuttlecraft landing was kind of cool, the Klingons are hilarious, and the chemistry between Spock, Kirk, and Bones will always be a pleasure to watch. While it’s true a couple of “bonding” scenes went on 30-60% too long, the way these men play off of each other, even with shoddy material… Well it’s just a national treasure.

OK, now the end.  Maybe this movie wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t sandwiched between two films for which I have fond memories. IV is the first time I remember being invested in a new Star Trek project, and VI is just really good. It’s like a really great rye bread with Carl Buddig “beef” in between. It would be a shame to forget to mention that Shatner directed this one, but it would also be a shame to mention that Shatner directed this one.

Look, the principles of creating sci-fi really boil down to one single tenet:  Don’t break your own rules. The world you create can be a shitstorm of made up beings and and worlds and physics, but you can never break the rules you create. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier does that before the opening credits start to roll, and it’s hard to go into a movie with an open mind once you’ve watched a laughing Vulcan use contractions to talk about spirituality. That the entire film is based on the premise that a single Vulcan went rogue and embraced his emotions is just a little too far of a stretch for me. And it’s not helped along by the fact that Sybok is played with downright boyish glee. He is taken to far to the opposite end of the poles for it to be even remotely plausible.

I’m OK with some elements being left to the imagination, but there are just so many “whys” going on here. Why is the center of galactic peace such an epic shithole? Why did the consuls pretend to not be in on the plot when everyone else on their planet was in on the plot? Why is Sybok the only Vulcan in history to go emotional? What caused that revelation? The Vulcans, Romulans, and Klingons all have similar creation/paradise mythologies? Seriously? I mean, the Vulcans and the Romulans, sure, but the Klingons? Really? And when they finally meet him, he looks like the beardy Christian guy on a cloud? Really?

The effects in this film don’t hold up, which normally would not be a problem for me at all. I actually enjoy a little nostalgia when it comes to the obvious green screen. Unfortunately, this film was released after ST had hit airwaves again. And the TV effects of TNG put this film to shame. Too boot, when I was only ten minutes in I had noticed at least three Star Wars nods that were way beyond homage.

A friend advised me to go into this review as I would a Shatner spoken word record – with a light heart and an easy smile. And I tried. I really tried. I hadn’t seen this movie since I was 13 or 14 years old, so I thought maybe I didn’t “get it” the first time around. And I, despite all the flaws, had a mostly good time watching the first three quarters of the film. And then… Sha’Ka’Ree. Which, by the way, looks less like a life giving Eden and more like a desolate dry wasteland. Like a boney Krypton. Here’s my review of the last quarter of the film:

Seriously. Spoiler alert – it ain’t God they find. It’s just some space dick who’s been imprisoned by the Great Barrier. Plot twist, it wasn’t to keep us out, it was to keep him in! Apparently Sybok can’t interpret visions for shit, and we are never told one single thing about the entity beyond the barrier. I myself like to believe it’s a Q, but hey. That’s some fan fic for another day.

Would I pay to watch this movie again? Oh god no. Would I leave it on the TV one rainy Sunday when I’m too lazy to reach for the remote? Sure. I laughed a couple times (when I was supposed to), the score is gorgeous, and for cryin’ out loud it’s Star Trek.

Nine days ’til Darkness, y’all.

There was a lot of talk throughout the beginning of this season of HIMYM about whether or not it would wrap this year or be extended to 2014.  We now know that the series won’t finale until next year, but if tonight’s episode is any indication of what’s to come, then we would have been better off ending now.

Full spoilers abound!

Marshall and Lily are packing to move to Italy and are stuck with way too much stuff to bring with them.  They enlist Ted to help them out since he is known for his ability to travel light (after spending two weeks touring Spain on nothing more than a fanny pack), but as they begin to divide their belongings into “Italy” and “Bermuda Triangle” piles, it becomes obvious that Ted is packing nonsensical items they won’t really need. Ted is sent on a mission to get fanny packs so Lily and Marshall can actually get to packing what they will need, but he realizes it’s a ruse and returns to find they had sent a bean bag chair with sentimental value to the Bermuda Triangle.  Ted realizes that he’s just trying to hold on to the past, and that he of all people needs to let go and get on with life.

Meanwhile, Robin’s dad is in town for the wedding and wants to spend some quality time with Barney, B-Dawg, so the two of them go laser tagging and get into an argument over who will be point man and back up, which leads to the two of them heading up 2 teams of pre-teens against each other in an effort to prove who the alpha male is.

Throughout all of this, Robin is digging around Central Park looking for a locket she buried years ago in the hopes that if she ever got married, she would come back and use  it as her ‘something old’ at her wedding.  Frustrated at not finding it, she calls Barney to come help, but he blows her off.  Robin calls Ted who actually comes to her aid, and she confesses to him that the whole point of finding the locket was to prove that marrying Barney is the right thing to do. She eventually finds the box the locket was in, but open it to see that the locket is no longer inside. Ted tries to convince her that the universe has better things to do than convince people of they should get married, and that she is making the right decision. The episode ends with Robin grabbing Ted’s hand, and the two of them looking longingly into each other’s eyes.

Look, there were some very funny moments in this episode, especially the parts about Lily’s past shoplifting and her and Marshall’s role playing as King Kong and his damsel in distress, but the shtick between Robin and Ted is getting old, and the last few moments completely ruined all that came before.

We know that Ted meets the mother at Barney and Robin’s wedding, so we know those two will get married, and we know that there are no more relationships for Ted until this takes place, which makes the final shot here not only useless, but completely annoying and proof of lazy writing. Whether or not there are any feelings left between Robin and Ted (and for the love of GOD, why should there be?), this was unnecessary.  Even my partner who is willing to overlook a lot of stuff I can’t thought it was stupid.

Based on the traditional wedding rhyme the name of the episode comes from, I assume there are 3 left, and the writers have a lot of work to do to get me back on board. While I’m invested enough in the story and characters to finish this season and next year’s, I’ll be bitterly disappointed if they can’t end it the way this story deserves.  HIMYM has consistently been one of the best shows on tv for most of its 8 year run, and it’s also one of my all time favorites.  How sad would it be if it ended with a whimper instead of the bang it deserves.

This review will contain spoilers, anything going beyond the scope of the episode will be done in white text and will be preceded by *Spoiler*, episode spoilers will not be prefaced.

• Poor Samwell Tarly, you’d think a guy stuck in the freezing cold would have figured out fires by now. Still love the guy. You can’t help but feel for him. He really shines this episode. *Spoiler* I have a feeling Sam the Slayer is making an appearance soon!! 
• It is really hard to pick a favorite group but I love the Reeds. Meera doesn’t take any shit off of the crazy wildilng woman. Also they really have helped introduce a lot of the more mystical elements like warging and being a green seer.
• “I’m Jon Snow I’ve killed dead men and Qorin Halfhead but I’m scared of naked girls.” Ygritte is ridiculous and I love it. Plus she gives Jon the opportunity to not just be pouty.
• I could easily stand a spinoff series of Arya and The Brotherhood. Also what the fuck is Melisandre doing in the Riverlands?! *Spoiler* Either she’s come for Gendry or she’s coming to learn about resurrecting people…possibly for a future death.
• At first I disliked what they’d done to Thoros but I’m loving it now. The Brotherhood really shows that the writers understand the books and how to make things work for the screen. I’m very impressed.
  
• A bit of poking fun at people watching from Theon’s tormenter. Who is he and why is her such a psychotic freak? Iwan Rhoen is amazing at this though.
• “The laws of my fist are about to compel your teeth!” Oh my Seven I love the Blackfish. The Tully family are a shit show but they are awesome. Edmure is a lovable fuck-up.
• I’m going to have to agree with Jaime, don’t trust the non-drinkers.
• I’ve been waiting for a scene with Twyin and the Queen of Thornes! Witty arrows slung across the table. I pronounce Lady Olena the winner!
• Oh Sansa. She’s so happy that life is getting better, she forgets her family would be slaughtered if they walked into King’s Landing. Every time something good happens the rug gets pulled out from under her. 
• Holy. Fucking. Shit. They killed Ros. I was sure they were going to put her to a better use but wow. Making her just some bit of fuckery for Joffrey was brutal. 

The “Bad”

• Tormund Giantsbane has lost his humor transferring over from the books. Still a great character, you can’t dislike a man with a beard that glorious.
• Trusting the writers still but what the fuck are they doing with Gendry??
• *Spoiler* I think they’ll be using Gendry as Edric which I think is odd considering the directions of the books. I also didn’t much care for a very much shortened prophecy from Melisandre towards Arya taking the place of the Child of the Forest.
• I always dislike the fall saved by a rope tied around the waste…sorry Ygritte your back is broken and you’re dead now. 
• Shorter Tyrion and Cersei: I’m the best Lannister – No I am! 
• I don’t really like Varys and Littlefinger talking about their plays in The Game. I much prefer seeing them cutting at each other from afar not actively talking shit and telling each other what they do.

Well this episode was a bit interesting, not as strong as the previous to but still gave us some great scenes. Jon and Ygritte sitting atop the Wall looking out across either side was pretty powerful. You could see she was a bit afraid of the other side. Ros strung up for target practice was startling. I was positive that she was going to take the place of another character but her sudden death was a shock. I’m really interested in what will be happening to Gendry now that he is on his way to Stannis. This continues to be the shortest hour of the week. We have just gotten small hints of what is going on with Bran and Sam that I’m really hoping we get a bit more next episode. I’m loving the misery of Theon, they are keeping a lot of mystery while dropping hints like crazy. I think the episodes will just continue to build from here on out. We know from past seasons that 9 will be a big plot point and I cannot wait. 

Dark Horse features a short tale of Darth Vader and Boba Fett in their annual Free Comic Book Day Star Wars offering, written by Brian Wood. (more…)

I was an only child in the early 1970’s. I was being dutifully raised by my single mom, and babysat daily by Captain Kirk and the intrepid crew of the Starship Enterprise. Star Trek was doing well in syndication at that point, and could be seen daily on television stations around the world. I can honestly say I would not be the geek I am today if not for my exposure to Star Trek in my formative years.

By 1979, another franchise had taken full custody of my pre-teen affections. Star Wars had been released (and re-released) for several years at this point. I vividly remember flying my cardboard X-Wing fighter around the living room when a commercial for Star Trek: The Motion Picture came on. Needless to say, I was intrigued. After all, it would still be another year before the Empire Strikes Back, and I had very fond memories of Star Trek. I was stoked! I was finally going to get to see what my friends on the Enterprise had been doing since I last checked in with them.

Pajama Party at the Roddenberry House!

I remember going to see this movie with my grandma in Los Angeles. The theater was packed. People were excited!

The movie started… and that movie was loooooooong. I think we had to put my grandma in a retirement home sometime during the Enterprise fly-by scene. I was engrossed completely, sure. Nothing like this had really been seen before, except for Star Wars and maybe 2001: A Space Odyssey. The problem, though, was that those movies were actually telling stories, while Star Trek: The Motion Picture seemed to be intent on pleasuring itself (slowly, and in public) while staring in the mirror and whispering its own name.

Pretty much this. For two freaking hours…

Was the movie any good? Oh, hells no. But it was 1979, so a lot of people convinced themselves that it was high-freaking-art in a cocaine induced orgy of mass hysteria. We were lucky, too. If anyone had actually noticed how boring this movie was, Star Trek: the Wrath of Khan would have never happened.

ST:TMP was an interesting experiment, to say the least. In 1975, Paramount studios saw how well Trek was doing in syndication and started looking at re-launching the series with a movie. Not a single writer came up with a script that the suits liked, so they scrapped the movie idea in 1977 and started work on a second series for television, called Star Trek: Phase II.

Then, something funny happened. Star Wars defied all the odds and ushered in the modern blockbuster. The suits at Paramount held firm, until Close Encounters of the Third Kind followed suit a year later. Paramount decided to take the plunge, dusted off the pilot script for Phase II, and set out to make some of that Space Money for themselves.

(Space Money? That’s Gold-Pressed Latinum to you!)

Set five years after the (now famous) five year mission of the original series, ST:TMP starts with a Fiendish Space Cloud menacing the Federation. Klingons are mere gnats to this whispy Cosmic Menace, so Starfleet does what anyone would do: they fire up the Kirk Signal. James Kirk is an Admiral now, and yearns to be back in command of a starship. Dr. McCoy has become something of a bearded hermit and has to be drafted back into service. Spock has gone meta-hippie on Vulcan, but decides he needs to join up with his BFF Kirk and check out the anomaly that is menacing Earth. The rest of the crew spent the years between the original series and the Motion Picture crammed into a closet somewhere on the Enterprise.

“Yep, right where I left them!”

There are a couple of new characters introduced, too. Captain Will Decker is in command of the newly refitted USS ENTERPRISE. He’s an early Will Ryker prototype, and would probably have had a lot more to do if the Phase II series had happened. Then there is Ilia, who has Gene Roddenberry written all over her. Star Trek was very much a product of the 1960’s; short skirts, go-go boots and smoldering looks were about all a woman needed to be in Starfleet. By 1979 Roddenberry’s idea of what a woman’s role in space would be hasn’t changed much, and Ilia is celluloid proof of this. She’s gorgeous, top-heavy, and has her winking vow of celibacy logged with Starfleet Command. Neither character gets to do much: Decker is demoted by Kirk, citing his “experience”, while Ilia is abducted by the Cosmic Menace early on. Decker spends most of the movie whining about Kirk, and Ilia spends most of her screen time, well, jiggling. Both are essentially killed off by the end of the movie.

ST:TMP does have a few things going for it: We get our first look at what a Klingon is supposed to look like. The new theme for the movie is epic, and carries on as the de-facto Star Trek theme well into the Next Generation. The model work for the new Enterprise is stunning, and still looks incredible to this day. We get our first look at what a Klingon really looks like. And while the special effects look pretty dated today, they were cutting edge at the time.

Let’s look at the cons, though: The pacing is stunningly slow, even the “action” scenes crawl. Spock actually spends 10 minutes of the film floating towards a cloud. The costumes look like Pajama Night at the Roddenberry house, with lots of late-70’s earth-tones dominating the color scheme. The “acting” really isn’t, most of the drama in this movie is people staring vacantly off set. The Big Bad Cosmic Menace? It calls itself V’Ger, and it’s about as threatening as a big old bag of cotton candy. I won’t spoil the big reveal at the end of the movie, because if you manage to make it through Star Trek: the Motion Sedative, you should at least get the weak-sauce “surprise”.

Somebody drop a beat? Please?

There was really no way that a slowly paced, drawn out space opera was going to compete for geek affections with Star Wars, let alone the Empire Strikes Back. Empire was still a year away, but there wasn’t a Star Wars nerd in the country who wasn’t combing through Starlog Magazine every month looking for information. Trek’s re-launch looked to be a misfire, but there was something truly great coming for Trek fans. Star Trek: the Motion Picture was ultimately little more than the watered-down appetizer course for a bigger, better, and far more filling dish yet to come.