Gossip Center (.com) has posted some photos of January Jones in full White Quenn get-up from the set of X-Men Origins: Xavier – er, I mean, X-Men: First Class.

Needless to say, she looks none-too-happy – maybe she saw the script? But I digress. This is how Emma Frost is going to look in the film, and in my opinion, it looks about right since it’s set in the ’60’s. You can check out the rest of the photos – including a flattering one of her eating over at Gossip Center by clicking the picture.

I still maintain this is bad casting, they should have gone with someone who can act.

If I had to sum up Machete in one word, it would be “ridiculous.”  And I mean that both in the normal sense and also “ridiculously good.”  I’ve been sitting on this review for a while because of requests from the movie studio, but coyly  began a “non-review” conversation piece here, which you may also enjoy.

Robert Rodriguez got his start making an action-packed, low budget B-movie called El Mariachi about a gunslinger and his guitar, full of romance, action, and lots of blood.  You may know the film’s follow-up Desperado or the sequel Once Upon a Time in Mexico.  With Machete, Rodriguez perfectly returns to these roots and the sub-genre that he both invented and inexplicably seems to be the only person who can make films like this.

Machete is a loving ode to B movies of the past.  But unlike most of those movies, this film is well acted, well scripted, and full of a surprising amount of poignant social commentary.  What began as a fake trailer for Rodriguez’s joint project with Quentin Tarantino Grindhouse, Machete is now a full-fledged film and a great way to cap off your summer movie season.

If you watch the trailer for Machete, it tells you exactly what you need to know:

“They call him Machete…he was given an offer he couldn’t refuse.

Set up, double-crossed, and left for dead!

He knows the score!

He gets the women!

He kills the bad guys!

They’re about to find out, they just f#$%ed with the wrong Mexican!

Action!  Suspense! Emotion!

When you hire Machete to kill the bad guys, you better make sure the bad guy isn’t you!!!”

And that’s basically what this movie is.  It is so self-aware and some of the dialogue so intentionally awful that you can’t help but be giddy.

But like Rodriguez’s previous creations of El Mariachi, Machete is almost a mythical being, whose adventure is as much Southwest-inspired tall tale as it is Greek myth.

This is beyond a breakout role for Trejo, who you’ve probably noticed as a staple in most of Rodriguez’s other films, especially in the Spy Kids franchise and a knife-wielding assassin in Desperado.  It’s hard to imagine him doing many other things beyond this role that will be this good, though.Lucky for us, early word is that Machete will return in two sequels.

The rest of the cast is also superb.  Machete’s rogues gallery is filled out by Robert DeNiro as a demagoging and bigoted state senator, Don Johnson as a leader of a border-patrolling militia, Jeff Fahey (TV’s Lost) as the man who sets up Machete, and Steven Seagall, a Mexican druglord who seems to have ties to all of this who has a history with Machete.

But Machete’s allies include a conflicted immigration and customs agent played by Jessica Alba, a nascent revolutionary fighting for immigrant rights from her secret base inside a taco truck played amazingly by Michelle Rodriguez, and a shotgun wielding priest played by Cheech Marin.

Lindsay Lohan also shows up in this film and, I may get beat up for saying this, does a pretty good job.  She’s ocassionaly passable in a film when she’s not getting herself covered by the gossip rags.

But the final person that makes this movie is the City of Austin.  She is a seminal part of this movie and as much a part of the fabric of the film as Las Vegas is to Ocean’s 11. I had a somewhat hard time concentrating on the film at times because I kept saying to myself “I know where that is!”  It also really, really made me want to go get tacos from one of our many delectable food trucks.

I only have a few complaints with the film.  The first was pacing and length.  Sometimes the movie just felt a little overbloated.  Some of the sequences felt more like padding, such as an extended sequence of driving a motorcade of low-riders through town.  This movie is so much non-stop action that when you do get a breather you almost wish they’d get on with it to get to the next cool thing.

Some of the stunts and action also seemed gratuitous.  I don’t know how to describe it except this way: in several of the Hong Kong action films Jackie Chan did in the late 90s, like Operation Condor, Who Am I, or Mr. Nice Guy, it seems like some of the stunt sequences were simply MacGuyvered together:  we have a stepladder, a nylon rope, a bicycle, some butcher paper, and a lazy-boy recliner—what can we do with these objects to choreograph a cool fight scene?  Rodriguez, in once again finding his true voice and craft after a couple of recent misfires (eg, Shorts) seemed to take every great idea he had and shoved it into this one film.  That makes the film for more on the “all killer no filler” and “more is more” scale of action, but for people who may find this gratutitous you’ve been warned.

And finally, I have to complain a little about  is the unevenness of the film’s serious subtext to its B-movie roots. Rodriguez may have made the perfect movie for our time—who knew when he was writing and filming this we’d have Arizona’s SB 1040 or major political figures calling for repeal of the 14^th amendment amid talk of terrorist anchor babies?  But that’s exactly what we have here.  The characters, each from their own perspective, lay out their case for why things are the wat they are, and how they need to change.  It can be a cerebral discussion of the issue… until the next scene Machete is attacking someone with a weed whacker!  So it’s a little bit jarring to have to constantly turn your brain on and off for fear of missing something or else thinking so much you’ll stop enjoying the film.  Regardless, trying to attack such an important issue with such a ridiculous narrative and script is kind of like trying to solve world hunger with a finger-painting.  It conveys its message clearly but then leaves you wondering if this was really the right medium for that message.  Then  you understand that, yes, this is not only appropriate but perhaps the most appropriate forum for this discussion.

So here’s a recommendation for your Labor Day:  go see a movie that touches on the issues facing our labor force—our day labor force—but don’t take it too seriously and remember that, after all, this is just a B movie.

3 ½ stars

This last week we received a press release from Telltale Games, best known for the Sam & Max games:

Marty McFly and Doc Brown Reunite for

New Back to the Future Games from Telltale Games

Films’ co-creator and writer Bob Gale consults on new platform for all-time great series

SAN RAFAEL, Calif. – September 1, 2010 – At 88 miles per hour, Back to the Future took millions of spellbound viewers on a high-flying voyage across the space-time continuum in a trio of wildly inventive tales that broke box-office records around the world.  To celebrate the 25^th anniversary of the Academy Award®-winning cinematic franchise that generated nearly $1 billion worldwide, Telltale Games will release a new game series this winter as part of the milestone soon after the Blu-ray debut and DVD release of the Back to the Future 25th Anniversary Trilogy on October 26, featuring all-new restorations of the classic films.

Telltale today announced that the highly anticipated Back to the Future games will feature the likenesses of the original stars that made the characters of Marty McFly and Doc Brown legendary: Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd.  Lloyd is voicing Doc Brown for the full game series, which Telltale will deliver in five monthly episodes. The first images showing the game depictions of Marty and Doc are now available at: www.backtothefuturegame.com.  The game series is developed through a licensing agreement with Universal Partnerships & Licensing.

“Creating cinematic adventures true to the source is a top mission for Telltale,” says Telltale CEO Dan Connors.  “Securing Marty and Doc for the games, and presenting the experience that fans know and love, has been top on our list since we initiated development.”

Co-creator and writer Bob Gale’s involvement further strengthens the links to the original series.  Gale is consulting with Telltale on the characterizations and storyline for the game, ensuring it will be true to the spirit and adventure of the films.

Gale elaborates:  “Twenty-five years ago when I wrote Doc Brown’s line about ‘seeing the future,’ little did I realize that I would be traveling with him to work on this game.  Collaborating with Telltale is an amazing opportunity to continue the adventures of Doc and Marty.”

Telltale is also pleased to announce that the games will feature the DeLorean Time Machine, and to celebrate the historic vehicle’s return, it will make a guest appearance at the 2010 Penny Arcade Expo in Seattle Washington September 3 through 5.  Fans attending this increasingly popular gaming and culture event can re-create the iconic pose from the movie posters and capture their photos with this authentic replica of the famous vehicle in the Convention Center’s South Hall.

Alright, so here’s my take on this: It’s gonna suck. As much as I loved the Ghostbusters game and as much as I want a really cool Back to the Future game… I just don’t see it working out. Do some careful thinking about the trilogy and how they can translate this into a game series. It screams of fetch quests and limited time on missions. Two things I hate most in games.

I’d imagine Marty and Doc go somewhere in time, the DeLorean breaks in some fashion. And the rest of the entire game is a mix of fetch quest for parts (a la Toe Jam & Earl) and timed stealth missions. Why stealth? Because you don’t want to fuck up the space time continuum.

You’ve heard my opinion of possible cons, let’s talk about some pros. I think its awesome they got Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd came back to do the voices. The art style is a really smart move. As well as it being in downloadable episodes.

All in all I hope this game turns out awesome, I just don’t see how it well. What do you guys think?

There doesn’t really seem to be any reason to be concerned that a sequel to Kick-Ass won’t happen! Mark Millar recently sat down for an interview with MovieWeb and, well, pretty much spilled the beans on Kick-Ass 2: Balls to the Wall. You can check out the full interview here, but here are a few of the juicier tidbits (Spoilers):

There has been a lot of talk about Kick-Ass 2. What is happening with that? And where would you like to see it go?

Mark Millar: I am writing the comic book right now. Matthew Vaughn is directing X-Men: First Class, which he will be doing until about April. I will have finished writing the new comic by Christmas. Then, in April, we will begin working on Kick-Ass 2: Balls to the Wall.

And what about Red Mist? The character has a good heart, he’s very empathetic, yet he’s the villain in the sequel. How is that going to play out, especially in regards to the way he is written in the comic as opposed to the way Christopher Mintz-Plasse plays him on screen?

Mark Millar: This is a guy who has had his entire family killed by Hit Girl. He heads off and develops his martial arts skills. He learns how to become a better villain. That type of thing. He is going to come back and wreck unholy vengeance on our team. But in reality, he just comes back and gets stoned, and he spends a lot of money. He can’t do anything, so he hires this bad ass girl from Russia, she comes into the story, and her plan is to kill Hit Girl. Red Mist becomes like Charles Manson. He goes on-line and influences a bunch of young villains to go against Kick-Ass and Hit Girl. The whole thing ends up as a big gang fight like you’d see in The Warriors. There is going to be a big gang fight in the middle of Times Square between all of these costumed heroes. And at the head will be the Red Mist and Hit Girl.

I’d like to introduce a new feature that you’ll be seeing regularly here on Big Shiny Robot!  Myself and Clang! Boom! Steam! have been working hard to produce a movie review show for Comcast: On Demand for the Utah region with film critics Jeff Vice (formerly of the Deseret News) and Jimmy Martin (SLUG Magazine).

Though Jeff and the Deseret News have parted ways, he’ll still be reviewing films for The Big Movie Mouth Off, X96’s Radio From Hell, and The Mediocre Show.  He’ll also be providing some coverage for us as Jerk-Bot.  (You can read the Salt Lake Tribune’s write up of Jeff and his recent news here.)

We’ll be doing aproximately 20 of these videos a month and after their initial week long run on Comcast, they’ll make their way here.  This is the premiere batch of episodes, though, and so to kick things off, we’ll be putting these up everywhere now.

So, without further ado, let’s start with Scott Pilgrim vs. The World:

Then we have the horror comedy spoof Piranha 3D:

Sylvester Stallone’s 80s action throwback The Expendables:

The Last Exorcism:

The Julia Roberts vehicle Eat Pray Love:

And Will Ferrell and Adam McKay’s The Other Guys, with Mark Wahlberg:

Every year there are a handful of films that seem like such obvious Oscar-fodder:  great casts, compelling stories, good source material, well known and respected writers and directors… and then something just doesn’t quite gel in the filmmaking process and it never quite comes together.

Such a film is George Clooney’s latest, The American.  From the studio, a plot synopsis:

The suspense thriller THE AMERICAN stars Academy Award winner George Clooney in the title role for director Anton Corbijn (Control). The screenplay by Rowan Joffe is adapted from Martin Booth’s 1990 novel A Very Private Gentleman.

As an assassin, Jack (Clooney) is constantly on the move and always alone. After a job in Sweden ends more harshly than expected for this American abroad, Jack retreats to the Italian countryside. He relishes being away from death for a spell as he holes up in a small medieval town. While there, Jack takes an assignment to construct a weapon for a mysterious contact, Mathilde (Thekla Reuten).

Savoring the peaceful quietude he finds in the mountains of Abruzzo, Jack accepts the friendship of local priest Father Benedetto (Paolo Bonacelli) and pursues a torrid liaison with a beautiful woman, Clara (Violante Placido). Jack and Clara’s time together evolves into a romance, one seemingly free of danger. But by stepping out of the shadows, Jack may be tempting fate.

Blah Blah Blah…. And you know what, this film is just as boring as that synopsis makes it sound.  Really, this film seemed more like an excuse for Clooney to go shoot a film in the beautiful Italian countryside in Abruzzo, cavort around with the often-nude Placido, and get some street cred for trying to make an art film/action film.  Whatever the reason, I haven’t been this bored with the usually reliable Clooney in a long time.

But one thing I can say that is complimentary is that this film makes me want to read the novel it was based on. Perhaps some of the magic that failed to coalesce on film can be found in the written word.

I’m a bit of a Clooney-phile. I love his performances even in films that don’t really work (Intolerable Cruelty) and he takes some films that otherwise might be more pedestrian and makes them amazing (The Men Who Stare At Goats, O Brother Where Art Thou, One Fine Day, Michael Clayton, etc, etc), but unless your idea of a great acting job by Clooney is him looking detached and bored, breathlessly waking up in the night from his dreams, or constantly burying his hands in his face in fatigue, you will be, like me, disappointed in this performance. This isn’t Batman and Robin territory bad here, but it’s closer to that than Syriania or Good Night and Good Luck.

This film really, really wants to be Michael Clayton. And it just isn’t.  It tries to be intelligent, it tries to be suspenseful (and sometimes, it really is suspenseful to their credit) but by the time the climax of the film occurs I found myself no way engaged enough in the character to really care what happens, or learn some valuable lesson about searching for penance, or even just be mildly entertained. It should be better, but it just isn’t.

And then there’s the content.  I’m usually not one to make a mention of the amount of “Adult Content” a film has unless it seems either really uneven or gratuitous, but this film really made me uncomfortable in several parts. Let me put it this way: of the two films I’m reviewing this week, The American and Machete, both have loads of blood, violence, nudity, and sex.  And yet while Machete has more T&A and blood and is far more overt and more likely to make the folks at the Family Research Council to get their knickers in a twist, I personally found The American far more pornographic, exploitative, and overall offensive.

The American is rated R for violence, nudity, sexual content, and opens wide Wednesday, September 1and has a running time of 103 minutes . And that’s one of the best things I can say about it is at least it isn’t long and doesn’t feel long either.

2 stars: 1 star for the scenery and beauty of Abruzzo and 1 star for Clooney’s beleaguered performance.  Even if he was just picking up a paycheck, he’s still Clooney.

My recommendation: Pick up a tour book of the Castel Del Monte, Italy and Abruzzo regions.  Have some good Italian food befitting Abruzzo, and watch Michael Clayton with your special someone.  It will be an evening better spent than with The American.

FOX is gearing up to start making some moves towards getting a Fantastic 4 reboot rolling (mostly, because if they don’t the license will revert back to Marvel, and GOD FORBID that happens). There have been no announcements regarding a director or any actors, but in true form, the rumors are a-buzz with who may be directing and playing some of the characters. I’ve broken down the rumors I could find below – who knows if they actually hold any weight!

Directors

It looks like the three names topping the list of rumored potential directors are Joe Carnahan (The A-Team), James McTeigue (Ninja Assassin), and David Yates (Harry Potter). I haven’t seen The A-Team, but I have seen Smokin’ Aces, and while that film is one of my guilty pleasures Carnahan seems to have a style that would be an odd fit for a F4 film, same goes for McTeigue. As far as Yates goes, I could see aspects of his style transferring okay to a F4 film.

Cast

Stephen Moyer (HBO’s True Blood) is supposedly a name being thrown around for Dr. Doom. . . meh? Much to no one’s surprise, FOX is most likely going with a CG version of the Thing – which, in my opinion,  studios are notorious for using CG when they shouldn’t have, but using it to create a big lumbering Thing would have been much better than that foam suit they used instead. Anyways, two names being thrown around to voice this rocky superhero are Kiefer Sutherland and Bruce Willis. Did you laugh at the latter? Yeah, me too, I kind of doubt FOX could get him for a reboot of a film franchise that was pretty bad the first time around – but hey, I’ve been surprised before.

FOX is also supposedly eyeing Adrian Brody (Splice) and Jonathan Rhys Meyers (The Tudors) to fill the shoes of Reed Richards and Alice Eve (She’s Out of My League) and Amber Heard (Zombieland, she was “406”) to take on the role of Sue Storm. No rumors yet on who may fill the shoes of Chris Evans as The Human Torch (and in my opinion, the only well-cast character from the previous films). I don’t really have strong feelings one way or the other for these particular casting rumors – probably because these are just rumors right now.

Of course, this Fantastic 4 reboot is going to be shot in (sigh) 3D and FOX is aiming for a Summer 2012 release, so I’d imagine we will continue to hear casting rumors for the next few months followed by some relatively solid news early next year.

Come share your thoughts on this Fantastic 4 reboot over in the BSR Forum! Do any of these actors “tickle your fancy”? Have a dream cast you’d like to see fill the shoes of the first family of superherodom?

So I opened up my email inbox last week to find this:

So, first– hilarious that they call me “a key influencer in Austin” (they must be referring to my day job) but I draw attention more to the language about encouraging me to start a conversation both online and offline, but I can’t offer an official review of the movie until a week from now.  Lame.

So, here’s something to get the conversation started, but I’m not officially giving a review.  Get it?

So… let’s have a conversation about Machete.

First off: Did you see this?

Were you, like me, a little disappointed by Rodriguez/Tarantino’s Grindhouse movie but walked out of the theater saying, “But that trailer for Machete was awesome!  They should have made that movie!”

And so they did.

But was this a good idea?

Depends on your point of view, but in my opinion yes.  Do you like the kind of B-movie vibe of Grindhouse? Do you dig Rodriguez’s ultra-violent almost mythological fables about action and romance along the US- Mexico border? Did you lke both “One Upon A Time In Mexico”  and “Sin City”?  Then you’ll probably dig Machete.

If you saw the trailer above, you get the story. Machete kills the bad guys. He gets the girls.  Cheech Marin wields shotguns. Stuff gets blowed up. Limbs are severed by sharp knives.

That sounds pretty glowing. Is this movie really that good?

No. It’s dumb fun. You have to turn off your brain to enjoy it. And hence problem #1: Rodriguez may have inadvertently stumbled on to the perfect movie for the moment, as the entire plot is centered on illegal immigration. You may remember the “Special Cinco de Mayo message to Arizona” from Danny Trejo.  And as much of a political junkie as I am and as much as I care about immigration as an issue, I kind of didn’t want to have to think during this movie. There are a lot of laughs in this movie, many of which are winks at the audience for how ridiculous this B-movie is, but when Jessica Alba scales the taco truck to preach to the day laborers that “We didn’t cross the border! The border crossed us!” I didn’t know whether to laugh or wince.

And then you have the questionable casting choices. Steven Seagall? I remember people saying that the only things missing from The Expendables was Segall and Jean-Claude Van Damme- better that he sat out The Expendables to make this movie. Jessica Alba?  Actually does well here, and isn’t terrible, sans the cringe-inducing line above.  Lindsay Lohan? Ditto.

Oh, and speaking of, like everybody gets naked in this movie. And then they get with Machete. So, if you’re into that, you’ll enjoy this.

Give us some spoiler-free things to look forward to?

Steering a cop car from the back seat of a police cruiser using a machete–through a cop. Rappelling out a window using… and unconventional “line”. Machetes impaling pretty much every body part imaginable. Attacking someone with a weed-whacker.  Attacking them with a weed-whacker a second time, where the plastic line is replaced with knives!

So, what’s the best way to see this movie?

Hopefully, a local drive-in will show this as a double feature with Expendables.  But be warned, you may want to schedule an appointment with your urologist for the next morning to treat a testosterone overdose.  Otherwise, enjoy it with some tacos bought off the back of a truck and some cold cervezas.

Full review will come Friday.

As you all know, we have a weekly column in one of Salt Lake City’s alt-weekly papers devoted to comics related issues called “This Week IN Comics”. IN This Week can be found on newsstands everywhere in the greater Salt Lake area.

This week, I wrote about Scott Pilgrim and the hard time it’s had getting butts in the seats.

It’s also a challenge. GO SEE SCOTT PILGRIM NOW.

If you want to read the online version of the article, click here. Otherwise pick it up on stands or read it below.   Preferably, do all three.

Ain’t It Cool posted this earlier today describing what could be the first Marvel movie made by Disney. This has me really excited as Iron Fist is one of my favorite Marvel characters!

Hey folks, Mike Fleming over at DEADLINE – has a story on how XXX writer Rich Wilkes has been tapped to adapt Marvel’s glowy pink fisted IRON FIST to the feature screen. Now back in the day, when Avi Arad was running things, they were attempting to get IRON FIST off the ground with Ray Parks “Darth Maul” being Danny Rand – whose best adventures (in my opinion) were the Claremont/Byrne stand-alone issues… And it makes me wonder if MARVEL will do what they’re doing with THE AVENGERS with IRON FIST… meaning, will we get a MASTER OF THE MARTIAL ARTS – Shang-Chi film developed shortly… not to mention the LUKE CAGE film – so that we can eventually work towards a HEROES FOR HIRE film? I like to think that the Marvel folks have big “Step 1, Step 2, BIG STEP 3” style plans on the drawing board – simply because… well that’s how to adapt the Marvel Universe.

No matter though, the key importance is to nail IRON FIST. And this isn’t an easy thing. Glowy Fist Kung Fu films tend to be scoffable. Like THE LAST DRAGON, which admittedly has some “awesome” mixed with the “ohmygod cheesy” – but when Danny’s fist starts glowing, visually and audibly – it’s got to make our arm hairs stand up and cheer. It has to be so cool, that it feels like nothing we’ve ever see in Martial Arts cinema, because this is MARVEL MARTIAL ARTS CINEMA. I would highly recommend bringing in an all-star team led my Yuen Woo Ping – that the martial arts be LONG TAKE Martial Arts and not chop-phooey the editing to such a point that visually none of it makes sense.

I loved the Bronze Age exploits of Danny Rand – they should begin the process of finding their Danny Rand immediately and get him training for 6 months to a year for this role. Forge the right actor. And please make it awesome. And please keep the costume and make the visual world make sense with that costume. Fingers Crossed.