Hello robots, we’re here at another edition of Tee Time with Dr.Cyborg. In which I take a few minutes of time to talk to you about something that mildly interests me, while I play the greatest game ever conceived, Golf! Accompanied by my trusty caddie Slugtron,  this time we’ll be talking about the new DVD and Blu-ray  release of Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. So pour yourselves a swift kick in the nuts, ( 1 part goldschlager, 1 part jager, 1 part sambuca, 1 part vodka, serve over ice.) and let’s go Golfing!

Doctor Cyborg gets all the ladies! -Slugtron

I watched the first Night at the Museum, and found it to be an acceptable, fun movie. So I went in thinking if this sequel was bad, but fun to watch, I would consider it a good sequel. It basically did this to the letter, but it wouldn’t hurt if you don’t mind drinking around your kids to watch it with a good swift kick in the nuts. (Ingredients listed above.)

Practice swing, mark it a nine.

Doctor Cyborg is great! –Slugtron

Thanks, Slugtron!

The movie begins with Ben Stiller’s character moving on in his career to be a successful infomercial sales men. Stopping by the museum, and finding that they are shipping  all the exhibits into deep storage under the Smithsonian (The biggest museum in the world.) The stone that brings the museum to life at night is obviously brought to storage as well.

Of course it would have been a hole in one if it didn’t hit the tree. No. I’m not going to shoot it again, just put down two and we’ll move to the next hole.

Doctor Cyborg *-%@^* Bzzzzzt! you coward, how dare you add a complimentor to my speech circuit! –Slugtron

Geez Slugton, you didn’t have to break it, those things cost a lot of money.

You wanna know somthing else, Doctor Cyborg sucks at golf! –Slugtron

Now you’re going too far, I made you!

You couldn’t make a turkey sandwich you putz! –Slugtron

Well anyway, back to Night at the Museum. I’m not even going to begin to break this movie down as a grown robot analyzing a movie. This movie is for children, and at best is going to keep your attention for a while, and maybe make you laugh a few times. Basically what I ask myself when buying a children’s movie is; Will this movie bother me if it’s played on a continuous loop for the next month if my children like it? The cameo rolls by, Owen Wilson, Steve Coogan, Ricky Gervais, Christopher Guest, and none other than George Foreman himself, certainly help the movie along. But aside from it being partially entertaining for brains, it’s also a great children’s movie.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian is being released into three different sets, The first being the single disk DVD. On Amazon for $9.99 If you don’t own a Blu-ray player, this is a good deal. Even with just one disk it is loaded with special features.

The Blu-ray release is a tremendous bargain right now as well, because it comes with the DVD version as well, and is being sold on Amazon for a measly $18.99 With every bonus you can imagine. Including, commentaries, gag reels, and a digital copy.

And finally Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (Two-Disc Monkey Mischief Pack) For $22.99 which doesn’t contain the Blu-ray, and therefore in my opinion is the worst bargain, unless you’re looking to buy it as a gift for a little kid that really likes monkeys. Because that is what the second disk is all about. (DVD-rom features for monkey games etc.)

Overall I don’t want to give this a number, I would much rather give it some words. So I’m giving it a gravy out of a possible philosophers stone.

See you again Next time, might be a while because I’m in the middle of dating multiple fine robot girls, all of them happen to be really sexy.

Doctor Cyborg’s only date is a bottle of liquid wrench! –Slugtron

Hello everyone, here we are again at the Tee with Doctor Cyborg. In which I take time out of my busy golf schedule to talk to you about whatever I feel like, while golfing at a slightly reduced pace, alongside my faithful caddy Slugtron! Today we will be doing some holiday golfing, and talking about Robert Zemeckis’ new film A Chrismas Carol. So pour yourself some Homemade Eggnog (12 eggs, 3 pints heavy cream, 1 cup sugar, nutmeg, 1 cup bourbon whiskey, 1 cup cognac, 1/2 tsp salt. Serve in a punch bowl) and lets go golfing!

The biggest question I had to ask myself when going to see a remake of this classic story was, why? And to be perfectly honest I don’t know if there’s a good answer. Beowulf, Zemeckis’ last film made sense to me, and I thought it turned out really good. (It did have Neil Gaiman attached to the script after all) Beowulf is a classic story, but popular culture has yet to be flooded with its presence, and therefore I thought it was a good choice.

The Christmas Carol story is admittedly amazing, but it has been told so many times, and told well most of the time. Including the book itself which is still highly accessible and readable. But that doesn’t make this movie a mistake outright. This is a cartoon, making it easy to take kids to, and it’s also a more classic interpretation of the story, which isn’t predominant most of the times I’ve seen it told. Therefore it does have some value, but on “Par” with Tim Burton’s recant of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

“Slugtron, the nine iron you idiot! I’m trying to kill a reindeer not an infant! “

eh, where was I? Oh yeah…The next question I was asking myself was, Jim Carey? followed by. Really? And I went in with a bad attitude because I didn’t get it. But honestly he wasn’t over playing the role, there were a few moments that I was annoyed with his face as The Ghost of Christmas Past, but he really wasn’t that much of a ham. He didn’t ruin the movie. The movie wasn’t even really that funny, I think it focused mostly on telling the story visually, and carefully. Which I think are some of Zemeckis’ best strengths. But not ruining a movie isn’t a good reason to cast someone. Jim Carey in multiple roles was definitely a mistake.

Because this movie was based in the 19th century, it lacked a certain…how should I say…robots! I find this highly disparaging. But it didn’t even try to make up for its lack of robots with its CG. I felt some of the scenery and shots were outstanding. I really thought the way they handled Marley (Gary Oldman) was awesome, but the scenes aiming to be 3-D roller coaster rides were out of place, and the character models really weren’t very good.

The models looked like they fell out of Girl Shrek’s vagina! –Slugtron

I will give them credit for mood though. The scenes that were supposed to be scary visually built the right mood. (I know because the human child I took to see it, began to cry because he was so scared! How’s that for proof?)

One thing that surprised me was with the way they did the modeling, It felt like you were looking at the characters faces, but  I could barely tell who the cameo roles were, though some of them did stand out. Bob Hoskins, Mr. Eddy Valiant was definitely an exception to the rule. (Man O’ man is he a good actor.)

Overall I felt that the movie stuck to telling a good story, kept it targeted for an appropriate age group, and didn’t break the boundaries at all. This is good if you are going to the theatre and want to play it safe. It also makes your film instantly forgettable. It was a slightly new take, but it was slight.

It did some things exceptionally, for example, using the fact that they were making a cartoon to there advantage. Some of the stuff they pulled off couldn’t have been done as well with live action. But some things weren’t awesome, for example, I know it’s a Christmas movie, but they were way to forceful with Christmas music. Honestly the story of A Christmas Carol works wonders without Christmas at all. In fact I prefer it when it’s left out, as in Ingmar Bergman’s Wild Strawberries. It tells a very similar tale, just not at Christmas.

Damn the eighteenth green already, I guess I better wrap it up. Basically it wasn’t horrible, if you are ever going to see it, make it be at the movie theatre. It’s a solid 6 out of 10. Jim Carey isn’t evil, he’s just an idiot.

Sacha Baron Cohen’s new film “Bruno” gets its release November 17th, and I was lucky enough to get an early copy.

Bruno is a comedy that comes from under the shadow of Borat and the Ali G show. Where Sacha Baron Cohen dresses and acts like an Austrian homosexual, then proceeds to go around the country exposing people for being ignorant. Whereas Borat’s focus seemed to be racism. This one is more about homophobes, although that doesn’t completely apply because with the various scenes, there are many different types of outrage. From negligent parents to the truth behind celebrity charity’s.

If you are worried about being offended, just don’t watch the movie. Everything that you can imagine being in an “R” rated movie is in it. Sex, curse words, penis’, midgets, and boobs. They were barely able to slip by without an NC-17.

I didn’t find this to be as laugh out loud funny as Borat, but they definitely pushed the same buttons. Maybe it’s just that I was prepared for what was going to happen. Another thought is that maybe they were just trying to go too far with some of the jokes. Not that I was overly offended, but maybe I felt that some of the places they went, didn’t add anything to the film, it felt too much like a fart joke. I mean, I actually like these movies, but they really aren’t anything but glorified candid camera bits, done with a slightly more cunning method.

I think this movie did a worse job than Borat at being a narrative. And by that I mean that Bruno didn’t seem to be as consistent a character traveling through a story that could easily suspend my disbelief. To me this is because the extra celebrity appearances. It’s not that the celebrity appearances don’t work, it’s that they only feel like the hidden camera video’s that they are. But overall I thought the movie was good. Especially just at showing what people will do if put into odd situations. Some of the reactions are truly shocking. Everyone I watched it with stayed after the movie, and we talked about what was real, and what wasn’t for almost an hour.

Although it’s hard to say if they are trying to make more of a statement, or if they are just out to get people to laugh. In either case I would only recommend it to the people that are out to get a laugh. Because while I see the messages in there, I can’t see anyone that’s willing to watch it doing any real self reflecting.

On a very short digression, I just want to mention that I think Sacha Baron Cohen must have a lot of acting talent, and it comes through in how different his characters are. And not just in his hidden camera roles, I thought he was great in Sweeny Todd as well.

The bonus features kept me busy for another three hours, as I found myself interested in how these movies were made. And in the commentary with Larry Charles (the director) and, Sacha Baron Cohen, they go into some of the details that turn out to be as interesting as the movie itself. It was especially interesting to find out how close Sascha Baron Cohen came to getting himself killed. He really did some stupid stuff. (The most mild of which was when a porn star broke his thumb.)

They also have a deleted, and alternative scene reel, as would be expected with a project like this. Some of the stuff that they didn’t use, was easily as good as the stuff they put into the film. There was about an hour to watch of these alternative scenes, but they obviously only showed the cream of the crop, because some of the scenes they talked about being cut in the commentary were nowhere to be found on the disc.

To sum it all up, if you are looking for a movie that tells a great story, do yourself a favor and rent “It’s A Wonderful Life.” But if you’re looking for a movie that exhibits the ignorance of everyone from celebrity’s to red-necks, and you want to laugh while doing so, then check out Bruno.

I give the movie a 7 out of ten laser-tazers!

And I give the DVD 10 out of 10 laser-tazers! *Because I so rarely enjoy watching bonus features.

You can buy the DVD buy clicking on this Link!
Or you can get the Blu-ray here!

Both are being released the 17th.

Marcus (NBC’s Last Comic Standing) and I got together and made this parody trailer for Paranormal Activity.

I hope you like it and I hope you pass it along.

In the meantime, you should follow Marcus and I (Swankmotron) on Twitter.

UPDATE: We have the full-res 100mb version available to download here.

UPDATE 2: Please, vote us up on Funny or Die.

This is a comic strip that originally began in the late seventies, before I was even created, under the title “Inside Woody Allen”. The fact of the matter is despite being a huge Woody Allen fan, I had not even heard about this comic once before it was sent to us  for review.

This particular volume is a compilation of over 300 of the best strips in the series, written by Stuart Hample. The main character of the strip is of course Woody Allen, and the humor is imitating his unique self deprecating world view. Although imitating isn’t the exact right word, because Woody Allen actually helped in its creation. But only by supplying the author with notes from years of his comedy sketches. For the most part I think Stuart Hample was largely successful in replicating Woody Allen in a comic strip.

Even if you aren’t a massive fan of Woody Allen, I think it holds up as a comic strip. If Calvin and Hobbes and Liberty Meadows are on one end of the scale, this falls somewhere behind them, but clearly ahead of The Family Circus and Peanuts. The one problem I had with this as a comic strip is that it was consistently one liners. They were funny, but they were always set-up and delivery. They never took the time to tell a bigger story, which is a negative when reading a big volume like this.

In addition to being filled with the best of 8 years of a funny comic, it has an interesting introduction by Stuart Hample about how he was first introduced to Woody Allen, and got the idea for a comic strip. The introduction includes some of the sketch pages he was given by Woody Allen, which are worth a look.

The book is broken up into seven different chapters, that are separated by the type of jokes their telling. So one chapter titled “Freud’s Last Resort” are jokes themed around Woody Allen’s analyst. And the chapter titled “Every Time She Had an Orgasm, Her Nose Grew Longer” would be jokes about his relationships. I don’t think I could pick a single chapter that I liked the best, because they all had their highs and lows, but the main point is that it was an interesting way to arrange the book.

It’s a fun read, and because every single strip is completely independent it would be easy to put down and come back to. I guess this is the definition of a coffee table book, or what modern man would call a crapper. It’s a nice volume and it would look good on the shelf. A must own if your a Woody Allen fan, and I feel sorry for you if your not.

Despite the fact that it’s supposed to be released on November 1st you can already pick up a copy at Amazon for nearly half the cover price. Buy it Here!

And Here we go!

10) The Phantom Menace
As far as the movies go, this is a low. Not just because of annoying characters introduced (not excluding them either) but simply because it was boring. Most people forget how boring it was. The reason for this, I think, is because of how boring it actually was. Kind of like a boring catch-22.
One thing I hear a lot is that Jar-Jar was the reason the movie was bad. But In a way Jar-Jar makes this movie better. And in no way do I mean that he was entertaining or fun. The reason he makes it better is that his being so ridiculously annoying distracts from everything else that went wrong in the picture. I mean it’s easy for me to think the pod race was cool in contrast to Jar-Jar. It wasn’t until the Pod Race video game came out that I realized the veil that was pulled over my eyes.

9) Anakin Skywalker Through The Ages
Starting with how annoying he was in Phantom Menace, and god was he annoying in Phantom Menace. “It’s working, It’s working!” Geez. It’s hard to imagine how it could get any worse. But it does. Hayden Christensen. It makes me think that ‘Bad Acting’ was a listed requirement to get an audition. If the prequels weren’t a mistake he sure made them feel like one. Not to mention the cartoon voice actors that now have to imitate his stiff line reading (as opposed to acting.)
“A little more stale and more rehearsed.” I can hear the voice director saying.

8) C-3PO
I actually enjoyed him in the first three movies. Somehow. Before George Lucas had to rub our faces in the fact that he is capable of creating the most annoying characters ever conceived in the sci-fi genre. It’s truly amazing how much of your time George was allowed to waste depicting how much trouble C-3PO could get into when his head was placed onto the body of a battle droid. This wasn’t funny. This was stupid.

7) Jar-Jar Binks
I don’t think I need to say much about Jar-Jar, but I do wonder if it’s a coincidence that this character was introduced to the Star Wars universe only a short year after Ferngully 2: The Magical Rescue?

6) The Special Editions
I could get behind the whole special edition thing if it was going to bring something better to the universe. Even if that thing was just digitally adding dewbacks into the background. I mean who wouldn’t want to see that? Well that is pretty dumb. But what I really don’t like is the new Jabba’s palace scene. I think that was the most flagrant waste of time I have ever scene. Tantamount to giving Urkel a wedgie.

5) Because it has no balls
When you pit R2-D2 against a super battle droid it’s literally painful to watch them not blow the shit out of him. Wiping the Gungans off of the face of Naboo wouldn’t have hurt either. Although I will say that Luke blowing up the Death Star strangely works for me.

4) The Star Wars Holiday Special
Some might think it’s low of me to bring this up as a reason Star Wars sucks.
“Oh come on, everyone makes a mistake now and again.” They might say.
But since it was made, and some unfortunate people had to suffer through all two hours of it, I think it’s a healthy reminder to us why we shouldn’t support franchises. As one who had the dishonor of watching several minutes of this myself, I would like to remind some of you of just how bad it was.
Does anyone remember Chewbacca’s son Lumpy? Or his father Itchy? And I wonder why his wife wasn’t brought up in the actual movies?

3) The Ewok Adventures
While watching this I want everyone to take note of the fact that George Lucas has a writing credit.
He did this to you. (He’s also personally responsible for taping Carrie Fisher’s boobs to her chest in the first film.)
I want everyone also to note the fact that Swank-mo-tron bought it on both VHS, and then DVD. “For the kids.” He said.

2) The Clone Wars: Theatre Release
Jabba the Hutt’s kidnapped son? They wanted people to pay to see this?…Really?….Really?

1) Star Wars is Forever
The thing that sucks the most about the series is that it doesn’t know when to stop, and will never stop. No matter how much torture it puts us through, no matter how horrible the live action show ends up being, no matter if scientist prove that watching Star Wars deforms children, it will never stop. There’s a very good chance that in thirty years your childrens, childrens, children will be asking you to buy them the new Star Wars dream house, complete with Darth Vader’s motorcycle, and it makes me sick.

On Tuesday, September 8, Comedy Central will release the first season of Important Things with Demetri Martin on DVD.

This robot is a pretty big fan of Demetri and I felt that this series was pretty good, but stumbled along the way. Each episode covers a topic like “Power” or “Timing” and the Martin breaks down why it’s important through his own brand of dry, subtle humor in the form of stand-up, sketheches, cartoons, and song. While most of what he’s doing in his show is fresh, there is also a bit that has been regurgitated from his stand-up acts on his comedy album, These are Jokes, and his stand-up DVD, Person. Overall though, I think there is enough to keep the audience interested whether they are familiar with Martin’s stand-up or not.

Demetri Martin got his start writing for Late Night with Conan O’Brien and as a correspondent on The Daily Show with John Stewart. He has come a long was and is really starting to come into his own success such as starring in Ang Lee’s latest film, Taking Woodstock (in theaters now). Personally, I hope to see a lot more from Demetri in the future.

You can check out a slightly more in-depth review of Important Things with Demetri Martin: Season One over at my alter-ego’s DVD Examiner page. The one-disc DVD will be available on Tuesday, September 8 and you can pick it up over at Amazon.com!