MIB: INTERNATIONAL 3 out of 10; Directed by F. Gary Gray; Written by Art Marcum and Matt Holloway; Starring Tessa Thompson, Chris Hemsworth, Liam Neeson and Emma Thompson; Rated PG-13 for sci-fi action, some language and suggestive material; Running time 115 minutes; In wide release June 14.

I have a confession. I love big, dumb movies. Give me lots of ‘splosions and a plot so over the top it’s absolutely stupid, and I’m almost guaranteed to have a good time. Take the Fast and the Furious films; they’re dumb as hell and I can almost feel my IQ dropping while I watch them, but I can’t wait for the next movie in the series and will enjoy every second of it in the theater. Which is why Men in Black: International is so frustrating. They have a very simple formula set up by the movies that came before, but they can’t even follow along with that which leads to a boring and trite film that really doesn’t interest anyone.

Molly Wright (Tessa Thompson) knows about the MIB. As a young girl, she witnessed them wipe her parents’ minds after an encounter with an alien, but they missed her, and she has spent her life trying to track down and infiltrate them. She finally gets her chance and convinces one of the heads of the organization to let her in as an agent. She is paired with Agent H (Chris Hemsworth) who used to be one of their top agents but has since spiraled into disgrace, and the two of them work to track down the being responsible for killing an alien diplomat. Things go awry though as they learn that there is more to the assassination than meets the eye, and the conspiracy behind it will shake the MIB to its very foundation.

At its core, the Men in Black series is simply buddy cop movies with aliens. You’ve got the straight man coupled with the wise-ass newbie, and wackiness ensues. And that’s all International honestly had to do to be enjoyable. A wide eyed recruit to the Men in Black who wants to figure out the complexities of the universe is the partner to a sarcastic guy who thinks that all of this alien stuff is old hat. That should be the perfect combination, but it just isn’t.

This movie drags. It feels a lot longer than its nearly two hour running time, and that’s mainly because nothing happens for at least the first 30 minutes. Seriously. Nothing happens. Sure Molly joins the MIB, but it’s not really all that interesting or entertaining. It’s an origin story we’ve seen multiple times over. It’s like watching Uncle Ben and the Waynes get shot for the tenth time, and we just don’t need it.

Not to mention that most of the fun is seeing the characters play off each other, and Hemsworth and Thompson just have no chemistry together, which is annoying because they clicked so well in Thor Ragnarok. It would be extremely difficult to capture the lightning in a bottle that was the first MIB, and it’s doubtful any other duo could work as well as Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones, but even if it was half of that, at least the relationship would be fun. Alas, what we get is dry and boring and nothing even remotely worth caring about.

MIB: International should have been a ton of fun. This world is interesting and has a rich backstory the writers could have easily gotten something new out of, but instead it’s derivative and dull. With characters no one cares about and a plot that has been repurposed a million times before (not to mention a plot twist blatantly spoiled five minutes in), there really is no reason to see this film. Ever. It’s a complete waste of time, and watching paint dry for two hours would be a better use of your day. Just skip it and forget it even exists.

3 out of 10

THE HUNTSMAN: WINTER’S WAR (6.5 out of 10) Directed by Cedric Nicolas-Troyan; Written by Evan Spiliotopoulos and Craig Mazin, based on characters by Evan Daugherty; Starring Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron, Jessica Chastain, Emily Blunt, Nick Frost, Rob Brydon, Sheridan Smith, Alexandra Roach, Sope Dirisu; Running time 114 min; Rated PG-13 for “fantasy action violence and some sensuality”; In wide release April 22, 2016.

Some movies should never be made. We didn’t need 2012’s “Snow White and the Huntsman,” which came and went and was as mediocre as it was forgettable and boring. Even more often, we don’t need a sequel, which is the logical extension of this thinking. But once in a blue moon, a sequel to an awful movie becomes something better, something brilliant. “The Huntsman: The Winter’s War” almost gets there, and would have been even better had it not occasionally fallen into cliched tropes.

Winter’s War is like that kid who sits in the back of the classroom, usually eating paste, but who produces the most stunningly beautiful piece of artwork. And then just as you’re enjoying how masterful it is, he smears a giant streak of fingerpaint across it to make a smiley face. See– because it’s a happy painting, get it? But because you never expected much from him anyway, you still focus on the amazing beauty of what might have been.  

The film makes its first, best, and boldest move by dumping the titular character from the first film, Snow White, played by Lippy McBiteyPouterson herself, Kristen Stewart,  and instead focuses on the two characters from the first film worth caring about: the Hunstman, played by Thor himself Chris Hemsworth, and the Evil Queen Ravenna, played by Imperator Furiosa herself, Charlize Theron. 

The other masterstroke is that it introduces us to a host of other characters who are, to a person, far more interesting than the original cast. On top of that, it is a female-dominated cast where the female characters and actors, also to a person, surpass their male counterparts. 

Part prequel and part sequel, “Winter’s War” begins seven years before the first film, introducing us to Queen Raveena’s sister Freya (Emily Blunt). Their sibling rivalry and love culminates with Freya developing her own powers over snow and ice, then seeking her own kingdom in the north. The lands she conquers, she adopts the war orphans and raises them as badass warriors: her Huntsmen. Her two star pupils are Eric (Hemsworth) and Sara (Jessica Chastain). The two develop a romance despite Queen Freya’s icy prohibition against love. Separated and forced to fight to prove their love, Eric is left for dead and thrown down the river, where he floats into Snow White’s kingdom and. . .  the rest is history.

The rest of the story takes place after the events of the first film. The magic mirror has been stolen, and it seems some part of the evil queen’s malevolent spirit is causing it to turn people homicidal and crazy.  And so it becomes part horcrux, One Ring of Sauron, and typical macguffin as our heroes and antagonists chase the mirror down for their own purposes.

Featuring none of the original directing or writing team, and only a few of the cast members (the ones worth keeping), this becomes a fun movie. Director Cedric Nicolas-Troyan showcases his background as a visual effects director by immersing this film in the most beautiful set design, costumes, and creature work. While the 2012 film felt like a low-rent Lord of the Rings rip-off, this is original and fun and fresh. 

The film almost becomes a stealthy feminist flick. Almost. Because just when it seems like it eschews convention, it flops back on predictable tripe and tropes. And hence what could have been one of the most interesting and enjoyable films of the pre-summer season flops into mediocrity. But, for the majority of the screen time, it’s enjoyable and, perhaps as importantly, interesting and thought-provoking.

As mentioned, the female characters outshine the males. Jessica Chastain steals this movie with every frame she is on screen. She makes co-star Hemsworth seem boring and pedestrian– a tough feat against an Avenger. Blunt and Theron also offer one of the most interesting on-screen sibling relationships in recent memory, equal parts rivalry and love/support. And then there are the dwarves. Rob Brydon joins Nick Frost as a pair of dwarves tasked with helping Eric. They quickly encounter two female dwarves, both of whom, again, are better written, more interesting and engaging characters.

Where the film fails is that despite setting up situations that could have a unique or new outcome, it falls back into familiar cliches. While female characters seem to posture that they are strong and don’t need men to be fully actualized (they don’t), they still end up romantically coupled. And the final 20 minutes plays out with few surprises and much less fun than the preceding hour.

This film has no right being as good as it is. By all rights it should be terrible. Like “Gods of Egypt” level terrible. But somehow this delivers genuine entertainment and almost — almost — was completely brilliant. It unfortunately falls into easy answers instead of offering something truly revolutionary. 

6.5 out of 10

VACATION (7 out of 10). Directed by John Francis Daley and Jonathan M. Goldstein, Written by John Francis Daley and Jonathan M. Goldstein, Based on National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983) created by John Hughes and Harold Ramis , Starring Ed Helms, Christina Applegate, Skyler Gisondo, Steele Stebbins, Chris Hemsworth, Leslie Mann, Chevy Chase, Beverly D’Angelo, Rated R for “crude and sexual content and language throughout, and brief graphic nudity (male)”, In wide release July 29, 2015

“Vacation” is that weird mix of sequel and reboot that makes it neither and both, but channels the bawdy, yet sentimental spirit of the original into a comedy that stands on its own and as a great addition to what had been a largely fallow franchise.

The only real problem with this film is that half of its jokes and best moments are revealed in that amazing trailer. But the other half are, at least some of them, even better. In any case, like the film itself, it’s not the destination, but the journey.

Ed Helms plays Rusty Griswold, the (fifth?) actor to take that role, but this time he’s all grown up. With his family stuck in a rut, he decides to take them on a trip to Wally World, just like his dad did decades ago.

“So you want to redo your vacation from 30 years ago?”
“We’re not redoing anything. This will be completely different.”
“I haven’t even heard of the original vacation.”
“Doesn’t matter. The new vacation will stand on its own.”

And hijinks ensue.

Nasty, sexual, dirty, scatological, bloody, drunken, foul-mouthed, R-rated hijinks. Oh yeah, did you notice this movie was rated R? Yup. It earns it, and in spades.

One of the less offensive, but still funny, main recurring gags includes their strange rental car, which almost takes on a life of its own. Another involves a trucker (who may or may not be a child rapist?) who seems to be stalking the Griswolds, climaxing with one of the most satisfying cameos in recent movie history.

The kids fight, but in a hilarious role reversal, the younger brother bullies the awkward, older teen. This also provides some of the best comedy of the film: you can’t go wrong in comedy with foul-mouthed kids saying awful things and abusing one another (and we have 17 seasons of South Park to prove it). The older son also keeps running into the same girl, which leads to some awkwardness and romantic sparks. But mostly awkwardness.

Speaking of romance, we also explore some of the vagaries of adulthood and marriages going a little stale. Christina Applegate does an amazing job as she goes down memory lane, visiting her old college and sorority, to how much her brother-in-law (Chris Hemsworth) is hitting on her. (A LOT, it turns out. One of the best scenes involves Hemsworth wearing only a pair of extremely tight boxer briefs. Yowza!)

There’s a recurring gag about how all of the Griswold parents’ attempts to get a little nookie keep getting foiled by various things. This culminates with an attempt to kanoodle in four states at once at the Four Corners monument, which is hands down the best scene of the movie. Residents of Utah, Arizona, Colorado, and New Mexico should all laugh and prepare to be offended at the insults and stereotypes hurled at their respective states.

But the movie does have some rough patches. Specifically near the end when they feel it necessary to reunite Rusty with his parents. Chevy Chase makes us forget he was ever funny with his ability to suck the joy out of these parts… And the movie decides it wants to resolve its plot lines and be more sentimental… Boo.

But when they finally make it to Wally World ( spoiler alert?) it gets good again.

And then it’s over. But with promises of possible sequels, we probably have not seen the last of Rusty Griswold and his family. Hopefully we’ve seen the last of Clark, though.

7 out of 10

PS– These are the guys writing your next Spider-Man movie. Should be funny.

MARVEL’S THOR: THE DARK WORLD (7 out of 10) – Starring Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Christopher Eccleston and Anthony Hopkins; directed by Alan Taylor; written by Christopher Markus, Stephen McFeely and Chris Yost; rated PG-13 (intense sci-fi action and violence, and some suggestive content); in general release, showing in 2D, 3D and 3D IMAX; running time: 112 minutes.

Balance. It’s an important aspect that was missing from the first Thor movie.

For all its sense of grandeur and its widescreen digital visuals, “Marvel’s Thor” was a mini-triumph of style over substance. The first film – which was based on Norse mythology and the various and varied Marvel comics — tried to give us enough time on Earth while letting us see what things are like on the other Norse Nine Worlds, including the grandest of them all, Asgard.

As a result, the action-fantasy felt a bit stuffy and was ultimately unfulfilling. There wasn’t nearly enough humor to balance out the movie’s pokey, pseudo-Shakespearean atmosphere and its sometimes routine super hero action scenes, especially the Earth-bound ones. (To be fair, director Kenneth Branagh did what he could with the material and characters, but the script was a little half-baked.)

The good news is, its follow-up, “Marvel’s Thor: The Dark World,” is a decided improvement in the balance department. Not only do we get more in the way of humor, we get more convincing, exciting action, as well as a few welcome surprises.

In fact, the first hour is very solid, as good as any of the Marvel-based movies of late. However, wrapping things up is another matter, as yet another of the movie Marvels experiences a third-act fail, with a rushed, somewhat unsatisfying conclusion. But encouragingly, they’re getting better at this. (At least it’s not the explosion-o-rama that “Iron Man 2” and “Iron Man 3” turned into.)

“The Dark World” picks up the story two years later. Mortal scientist Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) is pining away for our titular hero (Chris Hemsworth), whom she hasn’t seen for quite some time. And as it turns out, he’s been doing the bidding of his pops, Asgardian All-Father Odin (Anthony Hopkins), who’s had Thor off quelling rebellions in the Nine Worlds.

However, Thor is forced to return to Earth and to Jane when she becomes “infected” by the Aether, a powerful dark force that was originally wielded by an ancient evil, the Dark Elves. Their leader, Malekith the Accursed (Christopher Eccleston), has been biding his time, waiting for a “convergence” of the Nine Worlds that will allow him to use the Aether to destroy the universe.

At the same time, Malekith and his Dark Elves launch an initial attack on Asgard that’s so destructive, Thor is forced to turn for help to the one person he trusts least: his stepbrother Loki (Tom Hiddleston), who’s been languishing in an Asgardian dungeon since the events of “Marvel’s The Avengers.”

Interestingly, the filmmakers and designers appear to have taken some cues from the myth-heavy, but still science-fiction-y version of fantasy that was so prevalent in Marvel’s recent, Matt Fraction-written Thor title. A few of the action scenes have distinct, Star Wars-like look and vibe to them, which is a refreshing change from the faux-Lord of the Rings feel of the first Thor movies.

(By the way, if they really are taking cues from the comics, might I suggest that the inevitable third Thor movie should have some of the Heavy Metal Wagnerian tone showcase in Jason Aaron’s excellent, current monthly Thor title, “The God of Thunder?”)

Another smart decision was making Portman’s Jane less of a helpless female and more of a go-getter. While it’s still a stretch to think that Thor would prefer her to the butt-kicking Asgardian goddess Sif (a returning Jaimie Alexander), at least Jane is more appealing and more of a fleshed-out character this time around.

So, for the matter, is Thor. Hemsworth is becoming increasingly more confident with each role, and he seems equally at home whether he’s wielding Mjolnir in action or making occasional wisecracks. And chemistry-wise he’s at his best when paired with Hiddleston’s scene-stealing Loki, who seems to be having even more fun and more relaxed when he’s not the sole villainous focus.

Director Alan Taylor (TV’s “Game of Thrones,” “Mad Men”) and three credited screenwriters (including comics scribe Christopher Yost) also find more for the supporting characters to do, in particular Idris Elba’s faithful guardian Heimdall and the Warriors Three. “Chuck” star Zachary Levi begs for more screen time, in his role as Fandral the Dashing.

As for Kat Dennings (TV’s “2 Broke Girls”) and Stellan Skarsgard, who play Jane’s fellow mortal scientists, they’re consigned to be comic foils – albeit, amusing ones. And it would be nice if they had given the talented English character actor Eccleston (“28 Days Later,” TV’s “Doctor Who”) more to do than just glower and gesture menacingly. But at least he looks good as an evil elf.

By the way, I won’t spoil anything about the two credits-scene extras – one that occurs during the credits, and another after they’re over — except to say that they were both filmed by other directors rather than Taylor and that they set up future Marvel projects, both the small and big screen.

Jerk-bot, aka Jeff Michael Vice, can also be heard reviewing films, television programs, comics, books, music and other things as part of The Geek Show Podcast, and can be seen reviewing films as part of Xfinity’s Big Movie Mouth-Off.