In case you’ve forgotten (but really how could you?) a new DuckTales series will begin this summer with an all star cast including David Tennant as Scrooge McDuck. In anticipation of the most wonderful thing to happen since the acquisition of the number one dime, Disney is releasing six short clips today.

All six are available on the Disney XD app but, in the event that you’re concerned about Disney’s all seeing eye gazing into your soul through your smartphone, you can just watch them on YouTube (which is to say that they’re below and you can watch them right now). Three of them were uploaded today with the remainder available next Friday.

Raising kids is a weird sort of balance between protecting them and preparing them for the world’s more insidious elements.

Parents often turn to children’s entertainment to fill in the gaps and articulate things in a way that’s easily digestible. More often than not, kid’s entertainment keeps things light and fun, offering an escape to worlds of hilarity and high adventure. But every now and then, the lighthearted world’s our kids adventure in turn dark seemingly without warning. Here are five examples of children’s entertainment that got a little too real.

Captain Planet and the Planeteers: Mind Pollution

It wasn’t unusual for a lesson to be planted within an episode of Captian Planet and the Planeteers. In fact, that was its bread and butter. In the nineties, the state of the Earth was on everyone’s mind. Earth Day was new and in vogue, Biosphere 2 was in full swing, and Captain Planet assured us that the power to fix global problems was ours. If only he could see us now. Growing up I was sure we’d take the reigns to save the rain forest, the whales, and our comfy spot on this orb. Instead, we’ve treated the problems of pollution and global climate change like the body I found behind the dumpster at Denny’s last weekend, repressed, never spoken of, and someone else’s problem. But we’re not here to talk about how my prints could have gotten all over the crime scene (allegedly), we’re here to talk about messed up kid’s programming. Lack of focus was what got me into this mess.

Each episode of Captain Planet presented an environmental problem that was addressed by the Planeteers and their power rings, with a little help from the captain before the end of the episode. That is until the first episode of the second season, entitled, Mind Pollution.

In it, the villain Verminous Skumm, deals a drug called Bliss which pulls its users into an addiction so deep, they’ll do anything he tells them for another hit. The episode stepped away from the threat of polluting the planet to explore, as the title of the episode suggests, the dangers of polluting the mind.

Linka and her cousin Boris (because he’s Russian see… the nineties marked progress in many things, casually racist stereotypes weren’t one of them) fall victim to Bliss’ grasp and, with Linka’s mind clouded by her addiction, the team is unable to call in the captain for help. Things take a turn to the dark side when, in an attempt to score more drugs, Boris lunges through a window, shattering and slicing his arms open in the process. The scene shows him lying on the ground, blood pooling around him.

Boris… NOOO!

Don’t worry though, Boris survives his drug addled maiming and boy, it’s a good thing. Later, during a rooftop struggle, Verminous tosses Boris a bottle of Bliss in exchange for his promise to kill the Planeteers. You know, the team of kids that includes his cousin. Boris guzzles a mouthful of pills before collapsing and dying on screen.

Don’t do drugs, kids.

Thomas the Tank Engine: Grandpuff

Based on The Railway Series of books on the island of Sodor, Thomas the Tank Engine tells the tale of a steam engine named Thomas and his friends, a group of sentient trains. Overall, the series is tamer than grandma’s favorite custard but under the surface lies a darker world.

While the trains and their human counterparts live a mutually beneficial existence, one that both parties seem content with, a closer examination of the television and book series reveals that couldn’t be further from the truth.

In an episode entitled Grandpuff, two young engines are having a bit of fun while an older, wizened engine named Duke scolds them. When rebuked, Duke tells the two youngsters of another engine called Smudger who wouldn’t play by the rules and often came off the rails. He didn’t heed Duke’s warnings either and after one too many spills, was bricked up behind a shed and turned into a generator, never to move again.

If history tells us anything, it’s that it’s perfectly acceptable to enslave or imprison people so long as they’re inconvenient and look different from us. So says the fat controller on the island of Sodor. So say we all.

#Justice4Smudger

In the eighteenth installment of The Railway Series, entitled Stepney the Bluebell Engine, an engine called Percy sings a song about the Bluebells of England. When another engine mistakes his singing as a tale about flowers, Percy explains that the engines at other railways outside of Sodor are no longer safe. The conductors don’t like them anymore and systematically remove them from the tracks and cut them to pieces with blow torches. The accompanying illustrations show train engines in various states of disassembling, some with sad or scared faces, others with no faces at all.

Despite the off center state of things on Sodor, it seems things could be much worse for Thomas and his friends.

Garfield: Alone

Beginning as one of the most beloved newspaper comic strips of all time, Garfield has spawned numerous animated series and live action movies. There isn’t much nefariousness found within the panels of this story about a narcissistic cat who loves lasagna.

That was until the week leading up to Halloween of 1989. Creator Jim Davis wanted to tell a tale of true fear and asked around to friends and family to find what really terrified them. The answer, being alone

To that end, Davis penned the following strips, weaving a story day after day that placed the titular orange cat in his home, alone. With the windows boarded up and no sign of Dave or Odie, Garfield comes to the realization that he’s on his own and starving, his companions nothing more than figments of his imagination, the only comfort of a fractured mind, cracked beneath the weight of loneliness and despair.

This series of strips has spawned fan theories that Garfield is indeed abandoned in his home with no one to care for him, slowly dying, or already dead, and that everything that takes place in the series after this are the hallucinations of the damned

Thankfully, Davis has refuted these ideas, reportedly laughing loudly at the notion

Tiny Toon Adventures: One Beer

Tiny Toon Adventures took a concept already geared at kids and dialed it down even further. Reimagining all of the familiar tropes of Looney Tunes cartoons and characters of yesteryear with and for a younger crowd. Until one very special episode that, in the words of Buster Bunny, was meant to teach the evils of alcohol consumption to kids

In this episode Buster goes to the fridge to get a drink for himself and his two friends, Plucky Duck and Hampton Pig. There, he finds a “cold one” and convinces his pals to imbibe with him

The three of them get utterly tanked on this one beer and go on a bender that includes sleazily picking up on ladies and stealing a police car. Their adventure under the influence finds them winding up a sheer mountain road, they reach the top where the road is out and plummet to their deaths

The car falls and keeps falling until it makes contact with the ground, pancakes, and the souls of the three boys float skyward with harps in hand.

Despite the episodes good intentions, it was pulled off the air after just one showing

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Ai: Papa’s Got a Brand New Excuse

The show that brought the world Will Smith was typically funny and light. Will would have some minor obstacle, make fun of Carlton, overcome the obstacle, we’d all laugh, and the credits would roll. Harmless fun, so long as you’re not Carlton.

For a long time Will Smith was seen only as a musician and a comedic actor, sometimes both at the same time.

Remember Sisqo?

it wasn’t until later in his career, with films like The Pursuit of Happiness that his real acting chops came to the forefront. Even I Am Legend with its many problems, housed a Will Smith who was a powerhouse of emotion. Subtract the terrible monsters from that movie and you’re left with one hell of a performance.

Those movies may have been when the world realized Smith could act, but there were hints earlier on, specifically in an episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air entitled Papa’s Got a Brand New Excuse.

In it, Will’s father, Lou,  returns for the first time in fourteen years and Will couldn’t be more excited to spend time with him. Uncle Phil remains skeptical of Lou’s promises while Will is pulled deeper and deeper. After the promise of a trip together, Will gets his father a present and packs his bags, only to come face to face with his dad leaving him once again

Lou makes excuses, he’ll call in a week, they’ll go on their trip, and Will shrugs it off like he isn’t impacted but you can see the veneer beginning to crack. After Lou leaves, Will keeps up the act, lamenting over all of the things he’s accomplished without his father and all of the things he’ll accomplish in the future while Uncle Phil stands off to the side, struggling to comfort the boy he’s come to think of as a son. The emotions in the room escalate until finally, Will breaks down with a line that, no matter how many times I watch it, opens the floodgates.

That rounds out our list of five times that children’s entertainment got a little too real. If you have a moment I missed drop them in the comments below.

“The Raccoons” Created by Kevin Gillis; Directed by Kevin Gillis, Sebastian Grusta, and Paul Schibli; Starring Michael Magee, Len Carlson, Marvin Goldhar, Bob Dermer, Geoffrey Winter, Nick Nichols, Carl Banas, Susan Roman, and Sharon Lewis; Originally aired July 4, 1985; Run time 25 minutes.

My favorite Saturday’s are when I come across a cartoon I’ve never heard of before. Sometimes it means I discover a previously hidden gem like “Count Duckula” or “Captain Simian and the Space Monkeys.” Other times it’s “The Raccoons.”

Upon reading the premise of the show, a group of raccoons trying to save their forest from the evil and odd looking Cyril Sneer and his machinations, I was hesitantly optimistic. It sounded like fun, and had been well received by audiences at critics at the time of its release. Sadly, having been born the year of its first episode, it seems I may have missed the boat on this one.

The first episode opens on a group of raccoons plotting the details of a mysterious plan, a group of three pigs dressed like Donald Duck look on in worry and return to the mansion of Cyril Sneer to advise him of what they’ve overheard. A plan involving hot air balloons, gun powder, and a secret weapon is afoot and Cyril dispatches his secret service made up of bears to get information on what the raccoons are up to. Meanwhile the raccoons are being assisted by Cyril’s son Cedric and his girlfriend Sophia Tutu.

When Cyril discovers that the raccoons are being aided by his own son, he is simultaneously delighted and dismayed at his son’s evil attempts to overthrow him, as a result he throws Cedric into the dungeon (whit no color TV) as punishment. The raccoons, along with their friend Schaeffer, a sheep dog, and Sophia, hatch a plan to break into the mansion and release Cedric. Using a Trojan horse, a grappling hook, and a hot air balloon they’re able to get in and out with Cedric in tow, but Cyril gives chase.

All of this sounds exciting and entertaining enough, but it somehow falls flat. There are none of the deforestation plots that the intro and premise promise, only a shallow obsession with money on Cyril’s part, with no real explanation. The animation feels sloppy, even for the time period. It’s surprising to me that the show lasted as long as it did, considering that “The Adventures of the Gummi Bears” would come along only a few months later and do this same type of story, only with better animation, tighter writing, and more interesting characters and settings.

I would hesitate even to share this cartoon with my Kindergartner, out of concern that he would get bored of it before the 25-minute run time had elapsed. My best estimate as to the source of the series’ success is the pseudo new wave soundtrack dotting the episodes that may have drawn in kids of the era, but isn’t enough to redeem the show thirty years later. 

Adult Swim has proudly announced that 2016 will see the return of “Samurai Jack.” Producer and creator Genndy Tartakovsky is working on the series at Cartoon Network in Los Angeles as we speak! It has been twelve years since new episodes have aired showing us Jack attempting to return to his time to battle the demon Aku. In the past years, fans have only been able to experience the series via a comic book run and re-runs aired on different Cartoon Network segments. You can catch a teaser below!

I’m a lifelong fan of “Scooby-Doo.” I’m old enough to remember the original iteration of the cartoon, which started in 1969, ran through the 1970s, and has had some version of the show on the air nearly continuously ever since. There was the Scrappy-Doo fiasco, there have been live action movies, and the most recent version, “Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated” is probably the smartest and funniest version of the Meddling Kids ever made. That said, none of them would have happened if the original series hadn’t been so strong. That’s part of why I’m so happy that LEGO chose the first season of “Scooby-Doo” as inspiration for its lineup, debuting in stores August 1st. 

There are five sets, ranging in price from $12.99 to $79.99. Each of them has Shaggy and Scooby-Doo, and at least one monster/ghost/guy dressed up to scare away myster-solving teenagers. Of the sets, my favorite is the Mystery Machine. I have a thing for iconic fictional cars, whether it’s the Batmobile or Doc Brown’s Time Machine, Fred Flintstone’s steamroller-style car, or the ECTO-1. The Mystery Machine is solidly in that garage-shaped pantheon. And the LEGO version is just about perfect.

The Mystery Machine, while often called a classic VW bus, isn’t. It’s got a different shape, more angular and shorter. Hanna-Barbera probably didn’t want to pay royalties to Volkswagen, so Mystery Inc’s wheels aren’t German-made. Or…German-engineered, made in Mexico, which is what currently happens. Anyway. It’s got the spare tire mounted on the front of the van, it’s definitely got the classic hippie van vibe. LEGO has made VW buses before, but this was their first attempt at the Mystery Machine. It’s beautiful.

The colors, lime green and turquoise, are perfect. Both relatively new colors in the LEGO palette, they’re essential to get the cartoony look right, and they’ve got them. The outside is covered with stickers (it would have been better as printed pieces, but it would also probably cost $5.00 more), to give it that flowery groovy look. What impresses me most is the shape. Kind of top-heavy, with a combination of angles and curves that can be tricky when building with LEGO. It’s not just a straight-sided van; it’s…cartoony. The windshield is (I believe) a brand-new piece, and it’s perfect for the vehicle. The unique shape of the windshield opens up the front seats of the van, with enough room for driver and passenger to sit side-by-side.

The interior is detailed, with a radio in the front, and a kitchen with stove and sink in the back. There’s also a big Scooby-and-Shaggy style sandwich on a countertop, and a tape recorder (it’s either a reel-to-reel or a VHS), radar screen, and computer terminal in the back. For crime-solvin’. There are also crime lab-style bulletin boards on either wall behind the kitchen equipment. They crammed a lot into one van, and the rear swings open and the top comes off to allow play inside. 

The minifigures are also damn near perfect–Fred and Shaggy both have new, unique hairpieces that are more cartoony than most current LEGO hair, but look completely on-model for the characters. They’re classic Scooby, with Fred’s orange ascot and Shaggy’s green t-shirt with short sleeves (a relatively new LEGO innovation on their minifigures). Both Fred and Shaggy have two-sided heads so they can be either happy or scared; just take off the hairpiece and turn the head around. Scooby-Doo himself is an all-new molded piece, with a turning head but otherwise solid. My son pointed out that one side of Scooby’s face is scared, the other side happy–it gives him a slightly crooked face, which is just fine. The villain that comes with this set is the zombie from the first season episode “Which Witch is Which?” He’s also got a robotic tree, which matches the headline of the newspaper that Fred’s got, “Tree Comes To Life” 

So…this set is great. And for $29.99, it’s about average for a set of that size. I’m impressed with everything that’s included. The hard part for me is what’s not included–or who. And that’s Daphne Blake and Velma Dinkley. That’s right, I know their last names. Don’t be surprised. (and Shaggy’s real name is Norville Rogers, and it’s Freddy Jones)(you’re nerds too, don’t judge me) LEGO, like every toy company, is a company, and they want as many of my dollars as they can get. If you’re looking to get every Avenger, you’re buying every “Avengers” LEGO set. Every Batman villain, the same. In this case, in order to get all five members of Mystery, Inc. you’re going to have to buy the Mystery Mansion (largest set at $79.99, and the only one with Velma) (Daphne comes with both this set and the Haunted Lighthouse) and the Mystery Machine, which is the only set with Fred. What that usually means for me is that I end up with half of the Avengers, or I’m missing a few Star Wars characters. In this case, each of the five characters is so important to me that I did it. I built the Mystery Machine now, I’m saving the Mystery Mansion for Halloween. I don’t resent it, I understand why they do it, and this time…it worked. 

Seeing these sets fly off the shelves, and seeing both young kids and nostalgic adults going bonkers over them, I think LEGO’s got another hot property on their hands. With the impressive assortment of sets in the first series, it will be interesting to see what follows. 

The long running era of the Saturday morning cartoon has officially ended, but no one can stop you from fulfilling your true weekend calling. Cartoons and Saturday mornings were made for each other and no one can tell us otherwise. It is to that end that we maintain vigil, bringing you animated selections each Saturday morning until the internet dies, or until we run out, good thing there’s always reruns.

“Powerpuff Girls” Created by Craig McCracken; Written by Craig McCracken, Jason Butler Rote, Amy Keating Rogers, Chris Savino, and Cindy Morrow; Narrated by Tom Kenny; Starring Cathy Cavadini, Elizabeth Daily, Tara Strong, Tom Kane, and Roger Jackson; Run time: 22 minutes; Originally aired November 18, 1998.

Professor Utonium was attempting to make the perfect little girls when in his laboratory he mixed sugar, spice, and everything nice. Fortunately for us the professor was irresponsible and left a huge vial of the mysterious Chemical X just above his stirring hand resulting in his creations being infused with its mysterious properties. Thus the Powerpuff Girls were born.

“The Powerpuff Girls” takes place in the city of Townsville, a seemingly normal American town, except for its strange attraction to super villains. The bumbling mayor often calls in the help of these three little girls to pause growing up and use their super powers to save the day from the likes of Mojo Jojo, Princess Morbucks, Sedusa, the Gangreen Gang, Fuzzy Lumkins, and HIM (one of the creepiest incarnations of the devil in cartoon history).

When they’re not fighting crime, they’re dealing with every day kid troubles like loose teeth, peer pressure, self esteem, and school.

What makes the show special is that it is a parody of itself; it gets around all of the usual problems of super hero cartoons by not taking itself too seriously and couching itself in pop culture references and prodding fun at itself. “Powerpuff Girls” was able to find a balance between appealing to a young audience as well as their parents, and young adults.

The animation is stylized and looks like the imagined future of the 1950s. The series has been roundly appreciated from fans and critics alike attaining a longtime following as well as twelve award nominations and four wins over the course of its run.

Before the show’s cancellation in 2005 a total of 78 episodes were produced as well as two shorts, a feature film, and a Christmas special.

Cartoon Network recently announced that the show will receive a reboot to air sometime in 2016. Rob Sorcher, chief content officer at Cartoon Network stated that the series is being rebooted due to “overwhelming demand” from fans. Tom Kenny will reprise his role as narrator and Mayor of Townsville but Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup will be replaced with Amanda Leighton, Kristen Li, and Natalie Palamides.

I’m sure that the new cast will do well, the new direction has the approval of the network as well as the McCracken, the series creator. However the Tara Strong has stated on Twitter that the network never contacted any of the three voice actors of the titular trio about reprising their roles, Strong called it a “stab in the heart.”

Hopefully Cartoon Network knows what they’re doing, but it feels like bad form for people who helmed one of your most successful and popular properties. 

Last week we watched and wrote about “The Pirates of Dark Water,” a high quality but largely underappreciated cartoon. This week we’re continuing that theme with Universal’s high concept sci-fi animated series “Exosquad.”

“Exosquad” Created by Jeff Segal; Written by Mark Edward Edens and Michael Edens; Starring Lisa Ann Beley, Robby Benson, Michael Benyaer, Garry Chalk, Michael Donovan, Janyse Jaud, David Kaye, Richard Newman, John Payne, and Teryl Rothery; Run time: 20 minutes; Originally aired September 11, 1993.

“Exosquad” derives its name from mechanical exoskeletons, called Exo-Frames or colloquially E-Frames, piloted by the series’ main protagonists. As explained in the show’s opening sequence these suits allowed human beings to explore and colonize Venus and Mars jumpstarting humanities colonization of the solar system.

The series begins decades after the colonization of Mars and Venus, known along with Earth as The Homeworlds. Fifty years has passed since an interplanetary civil war between the descendants of humanity and a race of artificially created super humans known as Neosapiens.  The Neosapiens were engineered to be stronger and more adept to the hostile conditions of non-Earth environments and were used largely as a slave workforce in the terraforming process. Understandably unhappy with the way they had been treated by the humans, the Neosapiens rebelled but were swiftly and definitively quelled. However, in the course of the rebellion some progress was made in regard to the relationship between the two factions and a shaky alliance was forged.

Humans and Neosapiens aren’t the only players on the interplanetary board. Like Australia of old, human criminals were banished to out planets and over time formed pirate clans that capture and scavenge Homeworld vessels and wreak havoc on humanity in space. These pirates provide the initial conflict of the series and the Exosquad is dispatched in force to quell them once and for all.

Seeing an opportunity with the human’s main military force dispatched to the outer reaches of the solar system, Phaeton, the Neosapien Governor of Mars plans a new rebellion and captures the three undefended Homeworlds with little effort needed. What follows in the 52 aired episodes is a complex second civil war between humanity and the Neosapien rebellion.

Japanese animation has been exploring these types of high concept stories for decades but something similar was exceedingly rare in U.S. animation at the time and is largely still absent today. “Exosquad” succeeded in providing an example of a high concept, smart series during a time when toy sales were more important than quality so it comes as no shock that the series was a direct response to Japanese anime.

While most shows, whether live action or animated, usually take at least several episodes and sometimes a season or more to develop a complex story with interesting characters and plot devices, it’s clear from the start that “Exosquad” had a thought out and coherent history that is evident without being spoon fed.

The exploration of the war between humanity and the Neosapiens seems to be a clear analogy for real world historical wars. The series’ executive producer, Will Meugniot, compared anime series “Mobile Suit Gundam” to the Pacific Theater of World War II and stated that most of the people working on “Exosquad” were fans of the Gundam and modeled their own series on the European Theater with specific events of the Neosapien rebellion being modeled after battles in Okinawa, Berlin, and The Battle of the Bulge.

While reception of “Exosquad” was generally positive and sometimes incredibly flattering, it was a victim of circumstance as U.S. animation was in a state of flux with many companies being bought out by larger networks. The show was ultimately moved to a 4 a.m. time slot which caused a steep decline in ratings and ultimately its cancellation.

The second and final season ended with the defeat of Phaeton and the Neosapiens and the freeing of Earth. A new antagonist is introduced when a fleet of alien vessels appear and the third season would have explored a war between humanity and this unknown alien force, complicated by the existing threats of Phaeton and the pirate clans. Sadly this portion of the story was never realized. There was talk of a feature length movie as well as a spin-off series but by then “Exosquad” had met its true match not in space but in the board room.

The franchise scraped out a meager existence for a few more years in the form of a comic book by Topps, a board game, and a game for Sega Genesis after which the concept was abandoned completely. While it’s disheartening that “Exosquad” didn’t receive the support it deserved and hasn’t remained highly regarded in the halls of nostalgia, it’s promising that it happened at all and gives hope that perhaps we can return to this type of programming someday. 

The long running era of the Saturday morning cartoon has officially ended, but no one can stop you from fulfilling your true weekend calling. Cartoons and Saturday mornings were made for each other and no one can tell us otherwise. It is to that end that we maintain vigil, bringing you animated selections each Saturday morning until the internet dies, or until we run out, good thing there’s always reruns.

“Pirates of Dark Water” (7 out of 10) Created by David Kirschner; George Newbern, Jodi Benson, Earl Boen, Peter Cullen, Jim Cummings, Tim Curry, Hector Elizondo, Brock Peters, and Frank Welker; Run time: 22 minutes; Originally aired February 25, 1991.

A dark substance known as dark water threatens to destroy the alien world of Mer. During a storm, a young man called Ren saves the life of an old man when his boat is dashed violently against the rocks. In the last moments of the old man’s life Ren is given an enchanted compass that will point the way to thirteen treasures.

Upon returning to his home within a lighthouse, Ren’s adopted mother confesses to Ren that the old man was Ren’s true father Primus, the once great king of Mer. Ren is given the broken remnants of his father’s sword. Equipped with the sword and the compass Ren leaves home and is kidnapped by Niddler, a flying monkey-bird mutant and taken to the evil pirate Bloth who is also in search of the thirteen treasure of Rule.

Bloth threatens to kill Niddler for bringing the boy in place of the king but Niddler narrowly escapes. Ren and Niddler form an alliance based on their mutual enemy Bloth and go in search of the treasure. After they escape together they visit a cave inhabited by a sentient dragon Alamar who gives Ren information that will help him on his quest.

Ren and Niddler make a deal with the pirate Loz to split their spoils fifty/fifty in exchange for use of his ship and navigation skills.

Unbeknownst to Ren and Niddler they board a stolen ship and leave port following the compass toward the first treasure of rule. Along the way they discover a stowaway, Tula, who uses her knowledge of sailing to help them escape certain destruction at the hands of the landscape and the pursuing pirate Bloth.

“Pirates of Dark Water” has mutant creatures, evil pirates, mystical treasures, and magical destruction threatening all life. It’s “Treasure Planet” meets “The NeverEnding Story.”

Unlike many cartoons from the same era that concentrated on merchandizing in place of quality storytelling, “Pirates of Dark Water” cares about content and world building, offering a story of interest both to kids and adults. Unfortunately it was cancelled after only twenty-one episodes without ever completing Ren’s quest to find the thirteen treasures of rule and save the Mer from the encroaching dark water.

In this world of reboots, remakes, and continuations, “Pirates of Dark Water” would be perfect for a modernized return. Unfortunately, it’s fantasy elements make it more difficult to market in the toy aisle and it isn’t a recognizable existing franchise, so we’ll probably never seen it. Which is really too bad, there was something worthwhile here and it never had a chance to see itself through. 

I’m reaching a point in doing this column where I’ve done most of the shows that I’m familiar with and enjoyed when I was growing up. So now each week involves a scavenger hunt to find the show I’ll watch and write about.

“Dinosaucers” Created by Michael E. Uslan; Written by Michael E. Uslan, Diane Duane, Lisa Maliani, Doug Molitor, et al; Starring Len Carlson, Rob Cowan, Marvin Goldhar, Dan Hennessey, Don McManus, and Leslie Toth; Originally aired September 14, 1987.

This week I came across “Dinosaucers,” a title like that draws the eye so I decided to check it out. Fifteen seconds into the intro sequence and a little box buried somewhere in the recesses of my mind was uncovered. The Dinosaucers appear on screen and it was like seeing an old friend, the voice inside my head screamed ‘I know these guys!’ and then ‘I know those rings!’ What treasure from my childhood have I rediscovered?

I was excited. It felt like finding an old box in the attic and inside are all your best toys from when you were a kid, the ones you thought your parents threw out over the years. Here was something I loved as a kid that was lost and now after decades apart we were reunited.

I started where all great journeys must, at the beginning. Episode one is entitled “Dinosaur Valley.” The episode originally aired September 14, 1987 and less than three months later the show would be cancelled after 65 episodes. The opening sequence introduces us to the three main factions in the series; the heroic Dinosaucers, a group of evolved dinosaurs from space led by Allo; the Secret Scouts, a group of teenage humans and friends to the Dinosaucers; and the Tyrannos, another group of evolved dinosaurs and enemies of the Dinosaucers.

Having taken care of the setup in a quick one minute montage allows the series to jump right into the thick of things.

My happy feelings lasted for the first few minutes of the episode before the previously unabashed smile became slightly abashed and later retreated to its room to be alone with its thoughts. Something has changed, this isn’t the show I remember from when the coolest thing I could do was not drool on myself (I’ve almost mastered it).

The writing is just awful, and as much as I love them, when it comes to cartoons from the eighties, the bar is already pretty low. The plot of this episode involves the Tyrannos discovering some sort of unknown ore in a tucked away valley. They land their ship and go in search of this ore as it could offer a new weapon with which to fight and finally defeat the Dinosaucers. The rest of their plan is never fully explained, they don’t even know what it is they’re actually looking for, they don’t know the properties of this previously unknown metal. Do they intend to craft new weapons from this mysterious ore? Or are they just going to throw chunks of it at them and hope for the best?

Meanwhile the Dinosaucers and the Secret Scouts just happen to be in the same area after they discover a group of un-evolved (read: boring regular) dinosaurs in the same valley. As they approach they overhear Genghis Rex, leader of the Tyrannos, divulging his plan to enslave the dinosaurs using mind control collars (“Dino-Riders” anyone? Though “Dino-Riders” didn’t air until over a year later) and force them to mine the ore so he can finally defeat Allo and the Dinosaucers.

Allo and his companions know they must stop Genghis Rex and free the dinosaurs so he schemes a scheme so schemey there will never be cause to question his leadership again. His plan is to “dinovolve” into his ancestral form, essentially becoming a full size Allosaurus. Then he’ll blend in with the regular dinosaurs and steal the control box from Genghis Rex. If he happens to be collared and enslaved by his most mortal enemy in the process… well let’s just see what happens.

SPOILER ALERT: He gets captured by the freaking Tyrannos!

The way they behave makes one believe that they still only have tiny walnut sized brains but are now equipped with advanced technology. Luckily the bumbling is equal on both sides, suggesting that the Dinosaucers and Tyrannos will go on until the end of time in an endless cycle of incompetence.

The whole show feels like a commercial for cool dino toys with armor and weapons. There are even ships that are modeled after dinosaur physiology because that would make a cool toy.  Though, while Galoob Toys did have plans to launch a toy line based on the series, because of the failure of the show and its swift cancellation the line was scrapped after molds and prototypes were created and “Dinosaucers” effectively died in December 1987. Two years later the show would air in Brazil where a toy company would acquire the molds and the rights to create toys. In the end only five of the eight Dinosaucers figures were created and it’s unknown how many exist.

If eBay is any indication the answer is, not many. Figures are selling for hundreds of dollars and there’s a part of me that really wants one because at the end of the day dinosaurs are cool, they’ll always be cool, and dinosaurs in armor are even cooler. Unfortunately that’s about as far as the appeal for “Dinosaucers” carries.

But it’s not you “Dinosaucers,” it’s me. I’ve changed since you’ve been gone, I’ve grown, I’ve met new shows and I’m sorry but I don’t love you anymore. Let’s just be friends.

The long running era of the Saturday morning cartoon has officially ended, but no one can stop you from fulfilling your true weekend calling. Cartoons and Saturday mornings were made for each other and no one can tell us otherwise. It is to that end that we maintain vigil, bringing you animated selections each Saturday morning until the internet dies, or until we run out, good thing there’s always reruns.

“Bucky O’Hare and the Toad Wars” Based on the comic book of the same name; Created by Larry Hama and Michael Golden; Starring Jason Michas, Scott McNeil, Long John Baldry, Jay Brazeau, Terry Klassen, and Shane Meier. Originally aired September 8, 1991.

“Bucky O’Hare” began as a comic book written by Larry Hama and drawn by Michael Golden in May 1984. The story follows the title character and captain of mammalian spaceship “The Righteous Indignation” along with his crew and human tagalong Willy. They fight a group of toads who have kidnapped Bucky’s first mate Jenny, an anthropomorphized telekinetic cat.

In 1991 the characters were adapted into the cartoon series “Bucky O’Hare and the Toad Wars” which explored many of the same ideas with a new plot. In this iteration the toad force has moved against the planet Warren, Bucky’s home world. Bucky is able to rescue the final shipload of captors but not before the rest of the population have been taken into slavery.

The show ran for thirteen episodes and followed Bucky on his quest to liberate not only his home world but to save the rest of the aniverse from being taken over by the evil toad forces, which he successfully completes in the final episode, co-written by comic book legend Neal Adams.

While the concept may seem childish or silly, there’s something about the aesthetic and the story content that makes it not only easy to take seriously (as seriously as you can take a story about anthropomorphic animals) but a lot of fun.

The series lasted less than a year, with the final episode airing in December of 1991, only a few short months after its debut. Despite its short TV shelf life, the franchise was able to spawn a toy line and a console game, an arcade game, and a handheld game.

More recently there has been some talk of a “Bucky O’Hare” movie with Neal Adams and creator Larry Hama has indicated that the script has been written for some time, but nothing has yet materialized.

In the mean time, thanks to the archival nature of the internet, you can get your Bucky fix below.