THE WIZEGUY: The Cumberbatch Conspiracy

JJ Abrams is just trolling for press. He has to be. If he weren’t, he would have told us all who the Star Trek 2 baddie is by now.

Recently, this is what actor Benedict Cumberbatch had to say on the matter:

“I play a character called John and not that other name. It’s interesting. Speculation is speculation and that’s all fun…’

 
Regardless of what the ‘Sherlock’ star says, I know whom he is playing in Star Trek ‘Into Darkness’. He’s playing a reincarnation of Locke. True story. Spock is the sacrifice that The Island demanded. No wait. He’s clearly playing a late-series ‘Felicity’. Post-haircut. Duh. No sorry, it’s a time traveling Jean Luc Picard.
 
This whole ‘John Harrison’ talk is misdirection. When B.C. says that he is NOT playing Khan, I interpret that as Khan Khan as in Khan Noonien Singh. Peter ‘Robocop’ Weller is going to end up being the elder Khan. Cumberbatch landed the role of Joachim or Joaquin? (The brightest of Khan’s henchmen). Since Orci and Kurtzman hit the rest button errr created an ‘Alternate Timeline’ in the last film, now…Papa Khan (Weller) will not avenge a fallen Joachim (Star Trek: Wrath Of Khan), it will be the other way around. That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.
 
For real, maybe the true identity of the person calling himself “John Harrison” is a secret within the film itself, one that isn’t revealed until the third act. In that case, giving it away in advance publicity would be as great a spoiler as, say, revealing who Keyser Soze was or who Luke Skywalker’s real father was. What if they had revealed the name of the protagonist of ‘Fight Club?’ Or announced up front that Liam Neeson was playing Ra’s Al Ghul in ‘Batman Begins’.
 
I might be the easy money. I can’t think who Spider-Man could fight to not get me to fall for another jazz hand emo Tobey Parker. Even Batman could punch up my Uncle Vinnie and I’d still go opening night.
 
Tell us who it is, or don’t. However, In this era of instant gratification, it seems that many people have lost the ability to be patient. Trust me the cookie tastes sweeter if you wait until after dinner.

I love the fact that we don’t know. It’s a fervor and leaves the fandom to re-watch old episodes with all the other theories and speculations, hunt for clues. The movie trailer is getting watched over and over again, torn apart frame by frame by media sites and fans alike. You can’t buy publicity like this: you have to make it, through carefully seeded okie dokes and such.

JJ Abrams is a sunuvabitch, and I hate him for doing this. I also love him for filling the Internet with so much excitement and anticipation about Star Trek, and for managing to infect not just the Trekkers with give-a-sh!t-itis, but also every other movie and Sci-Fi fan I know. Not only did he make it accessible to dig Star Trek, he made it cool to talk about it.

-Dagobot
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