Have you seen Sharktopus? A SyFy production that came out a few years ago. I’m not going to say it’s a good movie, far from it, but honestly I think it’s brilliant. I honestly believe that whoever pitched that and then created it, is a genius on a level so subtle they might be considered legally incompetent. I’ve described that movie to many people and I honestly never can do it justice. The best I’ve come up with is, “You will be blown away by the stupid.” And every single person I’ve described it to, who has then turned around and watched it, all while absolutely loathing science fiction in general, replied with ‘That is either the best or worst movie I have ever seen! I’m not sure! I just know that I literally could not stop watching it’. I might be paraphrasing here.

Now while I can’t pitch a SyFy show, I can pitch a movie:

[insert descriptive and simple title of vicious monster/creature/catastrophe here, make sure it isn’t subtle] – A group of people on/in [insert place here] are out doing [insert situation here] when suddenly they are face to face with [insert type of monster/creature/catastrophe here]! Meanwhile [insert b-movie/d-list celebrity or former “celebrity” here] has happened upon [insert random object here], a device/object/plan that is directly related to [insert type of monster/creature/catastrophe here] and can potentially save humanity with its use! Don’t forget, the main character has to have a “mysterious past” that needs piecing together. And then there’s sex.

I enjoy the “so bad it’s good” sci-fi camp-fests. Whenever I’m having that kind of a day, nothing can get me in a better mood faster than a few adult beverages and what passes for “a SyFy Original”. Laughs to be had galore. Brain turned to “off”.

The cable channel, SyFy, kicked off their 2013 presentation this past week in New York, with several new scripted projects announced or confirmed. While there is no ‘Stargate’ on the horizon, the line-up does bring a much-needed return to outer space, a new show from Battlestar Galatica’s and a mini-series adaptation of a couple of sci-fi classics.

So, What exactly does SyFy think it’s doing?

Not every movie can be the next Godfather. For every film that succeeds in entertaining audiences across the globe, there are many more which fall flat on their faces. But some fall on their faces so spectacularly that they become a whole new breed of entertainment altogether. I’m looking at you SyFy. I mean, it’s cool if you want to get away from the ‘unscripted shows’, which I know are currently your bread and butter and have taken up the lion’s share of programming attention since Stargate Universe went off the air. However, Denying your audience a ‘Piranhaconda’ sequel is unbelievable. It’s the cinematic equivalent of blue balls. There’s something there, it shows some promise, getting better, oh yeah… then nothing, flat, unadulterated NOTHING. You just go home frustrated and full of tension.

My love of bad movies comes from the same place as my love of good movies. It’s all about the sense of wonder, seeing something you’ve never seen before, and amazement at seeing it. With, say, a Pixar movie, it’s wonder at the originality and surprise and heart they bring to what could have been just a rote sequel-to-a-sequel that everyone knew would make zillions of dollars regardless of its quality. With a SyFy original, it checks of all of the horrible check marks. And it does it better than anyone else.

-Dagobot
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