It was a close encounter of a large asteroid kind. Well, A meteor to be exact. One that streaked across the sky this past Friday, exploding in spectacular fashion over Russia. The explosion sent numerous fireballs crashing into the ground, followed by a shockwave that knocked people right off of their feet. The latest toll suggests that over 1,200 people were injured in its wake and thousands of buildings were damaged.
Over the weekend more meteorites have gone wild! Both Cuba and San Francisco have experienced a phenomenon similar to Russia’s intergalactic event but on a much smaller scale (I.E. no one caught on fire). One thing is for certain, the streaks in the sky have the stargazers AND conspiracy theorists all buzzing. And it got me thinking, is all of this just an awesome cosmic electric light show or could it be the beginning of an alien invasion?
Before you ask, I haven’t already dumped a huge mound of clay in my living room and started sculpting a faithful scale replica of Devil’s Tower, Wyoming. Still, better safe than sorry.
Friend or foe? I’m not sure the aliens would be automatically hostile, but if you look at human’s own exploration and interaction with Earth, there’s a good chance we’ll interpret it that way. Because aliens’ definition of sentient being? May not include us. When humans have explored, they’ve had no qualms about doing experiments on lesser beings, capturing them and taking them back to zoos or labs, whatever. Sometimes what was defined as a lesser being included other humans. I really don’t think we can count on aliens respecting our autonomy as intelligent beings. So let us assume that they are here without the best of intentions.
Here are the top five ways of dealing with those pesky Greys.
1) Infect the aliens with a virus.
Remember the O.G. version ‘War Of The Worlds’? The common cold worked as alien deterrent. Maybe a whole nation of unwashed hands, stanky pits and other disciplines of bad hygiene might do the trick. Think of it as a long con of germ warfare.
2) Infect the aliens with a computer virus (only works if their AI is Mac compatible)
Assuming that there is some kind of hive mind or alien mother ship, the answer is simple. Let a poorly flown, uncommunicative, long-lost scout ship right into it. Make sure you have a plucky geek onboard. One who can upload a ‘virus’ into the operating systems of the alien lair, the geeks superhumanly fast coding skills will bypass the alien interface tech. Technology that is thousands of years more advanced than anything humanity has yet created, large and sophisticated enough to support an entire alien civilization, AND is compatible with Mac OS. Game over, man.
3) Firepower
The planet killing Death Star worked pretty good in Episode IV (poof…Alderann) and just last month the White House denied a petition to construct a moon sized ultimate weapon. Well, how about building that Death Star now President Obama? After researching some tidbits on Wookieepedia, I was shocked to find out that (and I quote) ‘it possesses firepower unequaled in the history of warfare’. If the feds don’t fund it maybe the public can crowdfund it or something. Well, you don’t say:
Crowdfunding Star Wars — Kickstarter Campaign For Death Star Construction Aims To Raise $30M
This time build it without a tactical weakness. Just my two cents.
4) Music
It’s been said that it soothes the savage beast AND it worked in ‘Mars Attacks’. Instead of Slim Whitman’s ‘Indian Love Call’ I was thinking something more in the lines of Brostep errr Dubstep like some Skrillex. Is the sound nü-metal warmed over, a natural progression from the screamo songs of the mid 2000′s? Or is it something FAR, FAR more sinister. ‘Bangarang’ or bust.
5) Lock the aliens in a pantry or cupboard and spill water on them (may only work if they are an allegory about faith)
Don’t over think this one. Sometimes the symbols and allusions embedded within all pieces of a complex character puzzle are red herrings. Just leave glasses of water everywhere in your house. Grab a Louisville slugger and swing away. Super Soakers could work too.
-Dagobot
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