(Jeff Michael Vice, aka Jerk-bot, is attending and covering his 18th Sundance Film Festival this year … yikes! He will be blogging and Tweeting throughout the festival’s 10-day run. And for more information on this year’s festival, including movie listings and ticketing information, visit www.sundance.org/festival.)
Does this, to you, look like the face of someone who once danced with the lovely Australian actress Rose Byrne? Or, for that matter, does it look like someone who once had a date with actress Hope Davis, or someone who once flirted shamelessly (and not unsuccessfully) with actresses Leslie Bibb, Laura Dern and Sissy Spacek?
Continuing on, does it look like someone who once had brief “bro-mances” with actors Antonio Banderas, Tom Hanks, Heath Ledger and Tim Robbins, and author Nick Hornby?
Or, more likely, does it look like someone who once creeped out actress Amy Adams … and Diane Lane … and Natalie Portman … and Rachel Weisz?
But wait, before you answer … the correct answer would be “yes” to all of those questions. In my capacity as an “industry professional” (and yes, I use that term loosely), I’ve had all kinds of crazy celebrity encounters at the Sundance Film Festival. Some of them were good, some were bad and some were, well, let’s just say they were pretty crazy.
First off, here’s the thing about Byrne (“Bridesmaids,” “X-Men: First Class”). She and Ledger were both regarded as up-and-coming actors when they appeared in “Two Hands,” a cheeky Australian crime-thriller that debuted at Sundance in 1999. I interviewed the film’s writer/director, Gregor Jordan, who then invited me to an after-hours party where I met both actors. There, I had a beer with Ledger, who called the American version of the brew “weak” (but in the nicest possible way), and I showed off some of my old dance club moves to Byrne. She has a very lovely laugh, by the way.
As for Davis (“About Schmidt,” “American Splendor”), she and I really hit it off during an interview for the 1998 movie “Next Stop, Wonderland,” and she invited me to have muffins and coffee with her. I’d like to point out that she was the one who used the term “date,” even though most of the time was spent talking smack on other annoying critic types she had met there.
Bibb (“Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby,” “Wristcutters: A Love Story”) even hugged me. Dern insisted I call her by her first name. And Spacek kissed me on the cheek and actually made me blush!
Hanks also hugged me, after calling me “some poor shlub with a notepad and pen.” (He seemed a bit annoyed by the pushy television crews, who wouldn’t take no for an answer to interview requests.) Robbins, who was at Sundance to accept the now-defunct, Piper-Heidsieck Tribute to Independent Vision award, got me pretty trashed, especially when we went to an after-hours party for the competing Slamdance Film Festival. An interview with Hornby for the 2009 movie “An Education” went much longer than the scheduled 30 minutes, as we discussed our favorite music acts and filmmakers – annoying the impatient publicist scheduling his itinerary.
But I will admit that I’m not always so suave, clever or well-composed. While offering a hand up to Weisz, who had slipped on the ice, I made a lame crack about how our last names are pronounced similarly … so she wouldn’t have to change much if we married. Blarg. I was similarly star-struck and moon-eyed over Portman and Adams, almost to the extent of “stalker” behavior, and couldn’t stop staring at Lane, who had failed to button up her blouse correctly and was showing some inappropriate flesh during our interview for “A Walk on the Moon.” Whoopsie.
And now for the craziness. Sundance has also seen me swapping lines of dialogue with the likes of Bill Murray, Joaquin Phoenix and “Breaking Bad” co-star Bob Odenkirk. On the red carpet for “Get Low,” premiering in Salt Lake City, “Mr. Murray” was amused by me asking if he “had any regrets,” a call-back to his scene-stealing turn in “Zombieland.” Phoenix and I had a competition to see which of us was more “sorely vexed” (aping his best line in the Oscar-winning “Gladiator”). And Odenkirk uttered the correct response line, “Thank you!” when I quoted from his “Monsters of Megaphone” sketch from HBO’s “Mr. Show.”
I haven’t always been so shameless at Sundance, though. I once helped actor Stanley Tucci (the “Hunger Games” movies) change a flat tire on a rental vehicle, so he could be on time to pick his wife up from the Salt Lake International Airport. (He tried to pay me, and I refused. Sometimes you have to do the right thing, for purely karmic reasons.)
My most ridiculously flustered moment at Sundance, though, came in front of veteran character actor Bob Balaban (“Close Encounters of the Third Kind,” “Moonrise Kingdom”). He saved me from sliding into traffic after I slipped on the treacherously icy Park City sidewalks. Not knowing who it was that offered me a hand, I got up and stammered, “Thank you,” pausing briefly to recognize him and utter almost questioningly, “Bob Balaban?!” He fired back quickly with, “You’re welcome, whoever you are!” and then went on his merry way.
I should note that when I slipped, I was actually hurrying to an interview with Banderas. I’m glad I did, though. We swapped compliments (including him calling me “polite” several times), I may have gotten lost in his eyes at one point (you would, too!) and I finally got him to “do the Bee voice” – in reference to commercials in which he voiced a helpful insect pitching the over-the-correct Nasonex medication.
Oh, and one more thing: Robert Redford, the festival’s head honcho, loves me. Well, at least he knows who I am. But we’ll get into that later …
Jeff Michael Vice, aka Jerk-bot, can be heard reviewing films, television programs, comics, books, music and other things as part of The Geek Show Podcast (www.thegeekshowpodcast.com), as well as be seen reviewing films as part of Xfinity’s Big Movie Mouth-Off (www.facebook.com/BigMovieMouthOff).