The Disney live action remakes have a spotty track record at best. Sure, Lion King and The Jungle Book were enjoyable, but for every one of those, you have to suffer through a Mufasa or Pinocchio. That said, you would think that going into the sacred territory of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs – the one that started it all – it would be given the respect that it deserves, except you would be wrong. Not only is it a complete mess of a film, it does the original an injustice and tarnishes the legacy it left behind.
Do we really need a synopsis of one of the most famous fairy tales of all time? Well, let’s bullet point it:
- The Evil Queen (Gal Gadot) needs to be the fairest of all to keep her power.
- Snow White (Rachel Zegler) grows up to be the fairest of them all and escapes from the murderer the Evil Queen sent after her.
- Snow White meets the seven dwarves.
- She eats the poisoned apple and is resurrected by a kiss from her boo, Jonathan (Andrew Burnap).
- Everyone goes to fight the Evil Queen to live happily ever after and does a Riverdance routine (I’m not joking about that last bit).
What’s so sad about this film is that most of it should have worked. I’m a fan of Rachel Zegler and Gal Gadot, I like musicals, and I love classic fairy tales. So, what went wrong? Well, everything.
Let’s start with said music. Aside from the four classics they imported from the 1937 original, everything else is instantly forgettable and do nothing to add to the story. If anything, they detract from it. Again, the most disappointing piece here is that they were written by Pasek and Paul who did Greatest Showman and other hits for movies and Broadway; they know what they are doing. But much like Lin Manuel with Mufasa, it feels like they are slumming it here for a paycheck.
There is also no reason to care whatsoever about any of the characters. This isn’t because it’s a remake and we know what will happen, it’s just that they’re all portrayed as so unconvincing that we really have no interest or investment. Again, I like the actors, but they just kind of meander about looking worried or intense and then breaking into an atrocious song for no reason. The ONLY one who has a semblance of what kind of movie they are in is Gal Gadot who relishes her role and chews through scenery like she’s having it for brunch. But she is sorely underused, and even by the end, the character grows stale and annoying.
Also, what’s with the CGI dwarves? We couldn’t have found seven talented actors who are little people instead of the abominations they created?
Lastly, why did Snow White steal Lord Farquaad’s kit?
Kids will mostly likely enjoy this, and it feels they are the target audience. However, Disney knows how to make a movie that appeals to people of all ages, so that is hardly an excuse for not doing it here. Aside from Gal Gadot, there is nothing redeemable. Lame songs, bland performances, and writing that will literally make you groan, it all just culminates into a congealed mess that will have you wanting to yell profanities at the screen even if children are around. By the end you’ll be wishing you could have taken a bite of the poisoned apple instead as it’s a better alternative to watching this.