FANTASTIC FOUR (0 out of 10) Directed by Josh Trank; Written by Josh Trank, Jeremy Slater and Simon Kinberg; Starring Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara, Jamie Bell and Reg E. Cathey; Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense action, and some suggestive content; Running time 106 minutes, In wide release August 7, 2015.
Superhero movies have evolved and matured into a legitimate genre that has transcended their original, niche market. While the original “Fantastic Four” films never hit home, the addition of Josh Trank fresh from his success with the excellent “Chronicle”, gave hope that someone might finally get this Marvel property right. Nothing could be further from the truth. Inexplicably, he has managed to create one of the most soul crushingly joyless movies ever made and has set an astoundingly new low for film in general.
Wunderkind Reed Richards (Miles Teller) has been working on a transportation device his whole life. He and best friend Ben Grimm (Jamie Bell) have been tinkering around with it ever since the fifth grade and now, high school seniors, they have finally figured out how to not only transport matter but also make it come back. This catches the eye of Dr. Franklin Storm (Reg E. Cathey doing his best Morgan Freeman impression) who recruits Reed to work with the government and finalize his inter-dimensional transportation device. Joined by Storm’s brilliant children, Sue (Kate Mara) and Johnny (Michael B. Jordan), as well as the originator of the project, Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell), Reed and team soon perfect it. Realizing that they won’t be allowed to travel to this new dimension, Reed convinces Ben to join him, Johnny and Victor to be the first explorers of this strange new world. The trip goes horribly wrong and leads to the presumed death of Victor as well as imbuing the rest of the crew – and Sue Storm, inexplicably – with strange powers and physical transformations. Sensing the potential to create an army of super beings, the government searches for an escaped Reed who holds the key to reopening the dimensional door and either finding a cure for his friends or unleashing the doom of earth.
Think what you will of the first movies, but at least they understood the humor, camaraderie and sense of family of the Fantastic Four. This iteration is a desiccated husk that refuses to allow anyone to derive any sense of enjoyment or fun out of it.
Since this is a reboot, we get a severe dose of origin-itis, which I’m not opposed to considering that Trank has completely rewritten the origins of the characters. I’m fine with that as well; by all means, take a new approach to keep things fresh. What doesn’t work is when said origin takes more than half the movie to explain and wastes most of its time on characters staring into computer monitors. What’s worse is it actually takes a downward spiral once they have their superpowers. I have no idea how they did it, but as my husband pointed out, they managed to make superheroes more boring than regular people.
And speaking of people, no one is remotely invested in their roles. Trank’s script is so horribly written that they probably would have had better lines if they had sat down and dictated the phone book. This isn’t to say the actors couldn’t have done better, but when the lion’s share of the film rests on the “talents” of Miles Teller it leaves little room for anyone else to have a chance to connect with the audience. It’s a shame too because Michael B. Jordan and Jamie Bell who portrayed the only interesting characters could have had some kind of impact had they had more than 15 minutes of actual screen time.
The only fathomable reason “Fantastic Four” exists is to extend the film rights for Fox. Everything reeks of desperation and no one involved should be remotely proud of the result.
“Pixels” is a masterpiece in comparison.
The only good thing to come out of this would be if it bombs spectacularly and Fox remits the rights to Marvel, but since they already have a date for a sequel, even that’s uncertain.
Rarely have I seen a movie stoop so low in an attempt to do so little, and Fox and Trank should be ashamed at the sorry excuse for a movie they are trying to pawn off on us. If not for the successes of the MCU, “Fantastic Four” could easily have singlehandedly killed the genre for years to come. This is not only the worst superhero movie ever made, it’s easily the worst in recent memory. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to ever subject themselves to it.