So I opened up my email inbox last week to find this:

So, first– hilarious that they call me “a key influencer in Austin” (they must be referring to my day job) but I draw attention more to the language about encouraging me to start a conversation both online and offline, but I can’t offer an official review of the movie until a week from now.  Lame.

So, here’s something to get the conversation started, but I’m not officially giving a review.  Get it?

So… let’s have a conversation about Machete.

First off: Did you see this?

Were you, like me, a little disappointed by Rodriguez/Tarantino’s Grindhouse movie but walked out of the theater saying, “But that trailer for Machete was awesome!  They should have made that movie!”

And so they did.

But was this a good idea?

Depends on your point of view, but in my opinion yes.  Do you like the kind of B-movie vibe of Grindhouse? Do you dig Rodriguez’s ultra-violent almost mythological fables about action and romance along the US- Mexico border? Did you lke both “One Upon A Time In Mexico”  and “Sin City”?  Then you’ll probably dig Machete.

If you saw the trailer above, you get the story. Machete kills the bad guys. He gets the girls.  Cheech Marin wields shotguns. Stuff gets blowed up. Limbs are severed by sharp knives.

That sounds pretty glowing. Is this movie really that good?

No. It’s dumb fun. You have to turn off your brain to enjoy it. And hence problem #1: Rodriguez may have inadvertently stumbled on to the perfect movie for the moment, as the entire plot is centered on illegal immigration. You may remember the “Special Cinco de Mayo message to Arizona” from Danny Trejo.  And as much of a political junkie as I am and as much as I care about immigration as an issue, I kind of didn’t want to have to think during this movie. There are a lot of laughs in this movie, many of which are winks at the audience for how ridiculous this B-movie is, but when Jessica Alba scales the taco truck to preach to the day laborers that “We didn’t cross the border! The border crossed us!” I didn’t know whether to laugh or wince.

And then you have the questionable casting choices. Steven Seagall? I remember people saying that the only things missing from The Expendables was Segall and Jean-Claude Van Damme- better that he sat out The Expendables to make this movie. Jessica Alba?  Actually does well here, and isn’t terrible, sans the cringe-inducing line above.  Lindsay Lohan? Ditto.

Oh, and speaking of, like everybody gets naked in this movie. And then they get with Machete. So, if you’re into that, you’ll enjoy this.

Give us some spoiler-free things to look forward to?

Steering a cop car from the back seat of a police cruiser using a machete–through a cop. Rappelling out a window using… and unconventional “line”. Machetes impaling pretty much every body part imaginable. Attacking someone with a weed-whacker.  Attacking them with a weed-whacker a second time, where the plastic line is replaced with knives!

So, what’s the best way to see this movie?

Hopefully, a local drive-in will show this as a double feature with Expendables.  But be warned, you may want to schedule an appointment with your urologist for the next morning to treat a testosterone overdose.  Otherwise, enjoy it with some tacos bought off the back of a truck and some cold cervezas.

Full review will come Friday.