Well, the Green Lantern movie has opened, and reviews are all over the emotional spectrum. One of the things people keep repeating is that other than Hal Jordan, the other members of the Corps in the film don’t get enough screen time. I figured that was my cue to inform people who may want to know more about those freaky alien ring-slingers. Who to focus on though? That was an easy one, when it comes to GL’s in the movie, no one is bigger than the poozer from Bolovak Vik, the Drill Sargent who also happens to be among other things, a mechanic and a geneticist, the literal definition of “Mean Green”, I give you the one and only Kilowog!

Our story opens in the midst of the Blackest Night, which I won’t bother to explain other than the phrase “Rainbow Lantern Corps vs. super-powered zombies”. The scene is the aftermath of a riot in the prison-like Sciencells of Oa. Kilowog, Guy Gardner and a Lantern recruit are on the scene. Kilowog is mourning the loss of most of his current recruit class while the surviving newbie is lamenting his lack of skill to Guy. Guy simultaneously cheers up and dresses down the recruit by explaining that Kilowog respects all who wear a ring, whether they’re green (in experience) or not. He then triggers a flashback by telling the rook to get his head out of his hindquarters and realize even Kilowog was a rookie once…

"That's why I'm partnering you up with Rookie Q'Tpp!"

Recruit Kilowog doesn’t really care to have his name mispronounced, no matter how apt it may be, so he corrects Drill Sargent Ermey (in case you’re wondering he is, in fact, named after the actor in Full Metal Jacket). Lantern Ermey doesn’t take too kindly to rookies questioning his authority, so he tells ‘Wog that his name is whatever Ermey says it is! Ermey further berates a guy nearly three times his size when he warns Kilowog about making an unauthorized call with his ring…

"Do you have ANY idea how much an intergalactic roaming charge costs! The Guardians aren't made of money, maggot!"

Mandatory chewing out aside, Ermey leads the rookie Lanterns onto a training exercise on the planetoid Fourscore, which has four distinct atmospheric zones, running the gamut of extreme weather conditions. The rookies are told to leave their rings, and outer space boot camp begins! Lantern boot camp seems to be much like boot camp on Earth, except that you can literally die as a Lantern, wheras in the Army, you just think you’re going to die. Through lava-based rope climbing, a trek across a desert full of quicksand and going toe to toe with a giant alien squid-thingy, the Lantern recruits have their work cut out for them. It’s Lantern Kilowog who always seems to be at the forefront, whether it’s helping out a teammate, thwarting malevolent cephalopods, or just plain being awesome…

"Kilowog Smash puny drill instructor!"

With the day’s excursion over, the recruits try to get some shut-eye. Kilowog however, is restless. Lantern Ermey tells him to get some sleep, seeing as today was a cakewalk compared to what’s in store tomrrow. Kilowog straight up asks his superior officer why he’s such a hardass. Rather than kick his ass seven ways from Sunday, Ermey explains that he doesn’t have to explain himself to a poozer like the ‘Wog. Ah, but this is really a lesson in disguise, after being berating Brillolog some more, he softens and actually does explain why he does things the way he does…

"You heard the ring, recruit. Got any Zzzaak?"

As it turns out, Ermey’s motley crüe crew are the closest Lanterns in proximity to the distress call, so Ermey re-activates everyone’s rings and they’re off! Once they arrive at the battle, it seems the situation is indeed dire. Most Lanterns already on the scene have their rings at dangerously low levels. To be honest though, if they had Ermey as their trainer, they’d know how to handle themselves without their rings anyway, but I digress. After scoping out the situation, Ermey spots a giant enemy cannon, and orders his men…

"That sounds like a really crappy plan that'll get you killed, but ok!"

At first, things are working out swimmingly. Ermey is taking out the gunners and the recruits are doing their thing too. Ermey manages to turn the beta cannon (aka main gun) on the attacking hordes, but before he can use it, he’s blindsided by a yellow energy blast and is blasted out of the sky. Believing Ermey to be dead, the attackers are about to use the beta cannon on the recruits, ending their short careers as Lanterns when Kilowog breaks ranks and gets on the beta cannon himself. To say he turns the tide of battle is an understatement.

Also? Poom.

It isn’t just shooting up bad guys, though. Kilowog really takes charge and orders his fellow recruits to shield all of the civilians and de-powered Lanterns so ‘Wog can reign carnage down on the bad guys with impunity. This plan works wonders as the villains take their ball and go home. Just as Kilowog is about to go mop up the rest, he hears a faint voice beckoning to him. It seems Ermey isn’t quite dead, although he’s close. He tells Kilowog how proudly he and the other recruits served the Corps this day, and goes on to say that Kilowog has the makings of a true leader within him. Kilowog says he’s always been more of a follower. With his final breath, Ermey says everything he needs to in just five words…

"Glad ya finally got my name right, but didja have to bleed on me!?"

So, with his last act, Ermey promotes Kilowog to a full Lantern. You see, it’s not explained in this particular story, but recruits don’t get an emblem until they prove themselves. Considering that Kilowog just saved the collective bacon of not only his squad, but a whole race of people, I’d say his is justifiably earned. With the battle won and the day saved, the field obstructing the other Lanterns from recharging their rings is lifted, and the Corps departs. As they leave, Kilowog is greeted by who is then considered the greatest of the Green Lantern Corps…

"All due respect, sir, but this blood-stained Lantern symbol didn't just show up, poozer."

And so, Kilowog went on to be a decorated Lantern in his own right, and stopped being called “recruit” pretty quickly. He eventually took over for Ermey as a trainer of Lantern recruits, even taking on the speech patterns of his mentor. This trial by fire and becoming a carbon copy of his hardass senior officer pretty much makes Kilowog the outer-space version of Johnny Rico from the first Starship Troopers movie. Nevertheless, he’s a great character in his own right, and still serves the Corps faithfully to this day. Way to be, poozer.

This story originally appeared in Blackest Night: Tales of the Corps #3 September, 2009. It was reprinted in the trade of the same name. Most recently, it was adapted as part of the direct to DVD feature, Green Lantern: Emerald Knights.