This week, I continue my Secret Origins theme month featuring “funny animal” characters. Last week, I featured Spider-Ham, who is without a doubt Marvel’s most well known super-animal. So in the interest of equal play, I decided to feature DC’s most well known super animal, Captain Carrot. Captain Carrot appeared in comics around the same time as Peter Porker if not a little bit beforehand. Their series lasted about the same length, but unlike Spider-Ham, Captain Carrot didn’t get the revivals Porker did until Final Crisis, and that my friends, was quite frankly, an abomination. Sadly, I think more people who have heard of the character due to that mini-series, so let me set the record straight, and show you a good Zoo Crew story, with the Secret Origin of Captain Carrot!

Our story opens with Clark Kent reporting about a rash of prominent figures in the country going ape. That is, they have started hanging on vines and chomping on bananas along with other simian foolishness. Thankfully, this is an all ages book, so some things were left to the imagination. Clark decides that since no one else can figure it out, it’s now a job for Superman! He does the patrol bit, looking for affected people. Eventually he does come across a monkey-man and notices that a split second before he started going ook ook, the man was hit by a strange ray, visible only to him.

Being Superman, he not only saw the beam of light, but also its origin which happens to be Pluto. Superman decides to fly to Pluto and find out what the heck is going on. Even though if light was really launched from Pluto it takes light from there about 4-7 hours to reach Earth, so the perp may be long gone. It ends up being a moot point as there is an energy barrier around the Earth which not only keeps Superman from flying to Pluto, but also is weakening him. In the same instant, he notices a meteor having no problem passing the barrier. Superman’s plan is to hurl the meteor back through the barrier while holding on to it. That Superman, such a strategist…

I hope you have a Plan B, Superman...

So Superman plummets back to Earth with these meteor fragments, he grab one and tosses it aside, going on about his super senses are so keen, he can guide himself back to the Daily Planet building, even though he’s a bit blinded by the explosion. He changes back into Clark Kent, flies into the building, and promptly hit his head on the ceiling due to it being lower than expected. At first, Clark thinks he has been affected by red kryptonite to become a giant or somesuch, and he finally makes his way to “his” office, but it turns out it belongs to someone else…

You once had an adventure where your girlfriend transformed into a bee. Is a talking rabbit that hard to swallow?

Yes friends, Clark Kent has stumbled upon the workspace of one Roger Rabbit. Not that Roger Rabbit! This one is a cartoonist who draw the comic book exploits of anthropomorphized versions of the Justice League. Anyway, after realizing Clark isn’t an Ox, he freaks out, thinking he’s a monster instead. Clark finally understands he’s in a parallel dimension full of funny animals, a term Roger doesn’t take kindly to. Explanations are of course in order, so Clark does his best, figuring a comic book writer would be more inclined to understand his predicament.  Clark explains everything, even the fact that he’s Superman. Roger understands. He even has a costume of his own from a party that he leaves in his office for some reason. It turns out that the same problem that was happening on Superman’s Earth is occurring on Roger’s as well.

As he relates his tale, Roger is munching on a strangely glowing carrot. Superman notices this, and uses his x-ray vision to find out the meteor fragment he casually swatted away earlier ended up in the soil of Roger’s carrot stash. Superman bats it out of Roger’s hand with more force than was probably necessary. I mean, sure Superman can be concerned, but pull your punches, man! Anyway, this brash action kind of ticks Roger off, and well, something extraordinary happens.

Is it just me, or does Roger look like he's Hulking out?

Not so brash now, are you , Superman? After Roger calms down, Superman explains that the irradiated carrot is what gives Roger his new-found strength. Go figure, right? He also says since his own powers are still on the blink, Roger can fit the bill as his Earth’s first superhero! Just then, Roger picks up strange sounds at the U.N. building  (United Nature, natch) with his nascent super-hearing. Superman decides to go investigate alone, saying Lois would kill him if he carried a bunny rabbit into a dangerous situation and flies off. Roger is again put off by this, and decides to take action. Luckily, he had that costume just sitting there in his office. The costume strangely fills out Roger’s muscles, and Captain Carrot is born! He decides if Superman can fly, he may as well give it a shot too, and while it doesn’t work the way he thought, he gets by just fine.

He can definitely leap tall hutches in a single bound.

So when the duo get to the U.N. building it’s well… panda-monium!  Sorry, couldn’t help myself there. Anyway, a bunch of animal-people have gone feral and are running amok. Superman, ever the condescending d-bag, tells Captain Carrot to back off. He can take care of business even in his weakened state. Now Captain Carrot has had just about enough of Superman’s crap and straight up tells him not to patronize him. Carrot leaps into the fray, and almost immediately starts to come into his own.

You'd think that'd damage his hearing, somehow.

After Captain Carrot’s display, Superman rounds up half a room full of the other critters and plans to make short work of the rest, and thanks the “little fella” for his help. Carrot takes Superman aside and tells him in no uncertain terms that this is his world, and if his people need protection, Captain Carrot is more than up to the task. With that, he lets down a mighty stomp that’d put Thumper to shame and knocks every animal unconscious, ending the conflict. That doesn’t mean the problem is solved though. Just the symptoms. Just then, an interesting newscast hit the airwaves!

Hmm, 6 heroes, 6 meteorites. Do you think...?

With that, Superman exclaims that he has to get back to his own Earth, seeing as that is where everything started (from his perspective, anyway). Captain Carrot says he’ll lend a hand, and they both fly off, and the story ends there… OR DOES IT?! Seriously, I wouldn’t leave you guys hanging like that, plus now we have five new heroes to hear the origin tales of, so join me next week as I give you the Secret Origin of the amazing Zoo Crew!

This story originally appeared in New Teen Titans #16 February, 1982. The Captain Carrot story hasn’t been reprinted to my knowledge, but I am holding out hope for a Showcase edition.