REVIEW?: Superman The Movie*

*It would appear that, much in the same way I am the only one I know who calls it “A New Hope,” I am the only one who refers to this film as “Superman The Movie.” I will not stop doing so. Just a heads up.

I’m breaking form by adding the question mark up there, but I can hardly call this a review. Spoiler – I love this movie. For 33 years I’ve held that this is the greatest comic book movie ever made, and up until “The Avengers,” nothing had come close (but truth be told, “Iron Man 3” came even closer). Yes, the movie does have a few flaws, but none of them so fatal that they can ruin a truly magical experience for me. I saw this movie for the first time in – I’m guessing – 1980, and I’ve held a special place for it in my heart ever since.

I feel I should probably mention here… I don’t read Superman comics. Well, I read the ones written by Grant Morrison or called “Red Son,” and that’s about it. I don’t know why, but his printed stories never really grabbed me like the other I’ve read through the ages. I think, and I freely admit that this is my own misgiving, it’s because Superman always seemed to me the black and white superhero. The “calm yo’ tits Batman because JUSTICE” superhero. And that was never something that interested me.

But the Superman of film, as he was introduced in 1977, now that was an archetype with a soul. An ego with an id. Superman is everything we want to be, but he’s also everything we are – mostly awkward and lonely. And then he finds his soul mate, and then she rejects his real self and then she dies and then – ah, I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m not going to provide a recap, because seriously.

For the most part, “Superman The Movie” stands the tests of time. Most of the effects hold up, but some notable exceptions include Clark racing the train and the birth of the Fortress of Solitude. The team tried a little too hard, methinks. Kal-El’s womb-like spacecraft pushed it a little too, if I’m going to be honest. The movie succeeds best when it uses subtle effect and tricksy camera work, a la Clark’s dust trail competing with the trail left by his car full of friends. The scenes of the helicopter dangling from the Daily Planet building are so well done and a testament to the beauty of practical effects, and the camera work there is a stark homage to the art of a well designed comic panel.

And while we’re on the subject of cinematography and comic panels… Can we please talk about how this was NOT nominated for any cinematography awards? Jesus. The Kansas landscape is just as an important part of the film as Krypton or Metropolis, and was shot so gloriously that Smallville might as well be Heaven. If you’ve ever driven through Kansas, you know that in reality it can be a bit monotonous, but you’d never know that based on Geoffrey Unsworth’s  choices. I’m generally torn between glee and frumpery when I see panels duplicated shot for shot in a film, but this is how you do it right, by gummy:

Right? That’s how you do a wink to fans. That’s how you tell them that they are appreciated with a secret handshake. Not by renaming a character Robin because THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE. Yes, I am still salty about that.

Where was I? Ah yes, the brilliance of the ’78 Superman movie. The screenplay was cowritten by Mario Puzo, and certain points of dialogue are so concise they should be used in every screenwriting class ever. When Jonathan and Martha find young Kal-El, a three minute scene tells you every single thing you need to know about the Kents. The conversation between Jor-El and Lara basically sums up the entire Superman mythos in thirty seconds. Cramming as much history as needed into as little screen time as possible, and doing it well, is the goal – and “Superman The Movie” succeeds wildly.

Are there flaws? Sure. But I can argue my way around most of them. Some would argue that the trial and sentencing of Zod and Pals is unnecessary in this film, that had a second Superman movie not been made it never would have made any matter at all. I disagree. I feel that the scene is wildly telling of the society of Krypton and Jor-El’s – and therefor his family’s and heir’s – place in that society.  And, to speak to no point whatsoever, that scene with the council is so freaking cool that Joss Whedon made a tribute in “The Avengers.” So there.

Some would argue that the film’s biggest flaw is, in fact, its villain. Sadly, I agree that Lex is a weak link. He is largely a parody and only once is he genuinely terrifying. When Lex explains his plan to Superman and reveals he gives zero thought to taking millions of lives, he is an adversary worthy of a God on Earth. The rest of the time he’s a real estate hog in shitty wigs and hilarious leisure suits. He has a dumb sidekick whose only purpose is comic relief and a buxom sidekick whose only purpose is a plot device to free Superman from Lex’s entrapment. That being said, I give Eve Teschmacher full credit for my present day proclivity for bustiers and retro suits.

Others would argue that the film’s biggest flaw is it’s resolution wherein Superman reverses the Earth’s orbit so that he may save his love from a horrible death. Yeah, OK, if Superman really spun the Earth backwards all he would do would be to negate gravity enough for us to float miles into the sky only to plummet to our deaths when he set the orbit right again. To that I would say “this is a movie about a baby who traveled alone for millions of light years in an egg only to arrive on Earth and grow up to be indestructible, SO MAYBE WE CAN TAKE SOME ARTISTIC LICENSE WITH THE LAWS OF PHYSICS, YEAH?” My biggest concern with this foible is that, if the film’s editing is any indication, Superman would have saved Lois while letting a school bus full of kids die. Not my Superman, y’all. Not my Superman.

No, my biggest problem with “Superman The Movie” is that no one even tried, not one little bit, to make Metropolis a real city. Like, not even a little bit. The Daily Planet is in New York City and no one can convince me otherwise, and that is an unforgivable oversight.

But even with a megaflaw, this one remains my favorite. It is the standard by which I judge all superhero movies. Robert Downey Jr. is the first man in 35 years to embody a character the way Christopher Reeve did. “X-Men First Class” is the only movie to have come even close to the perfect plotting of origin-to-action of  “Superman The Movie.” I’ve sat here for five minutes to try to think of an on-screen version of superhero romance that can hold a candle to Clark and Lois and one hasn’t popped up yet – but I will give Peter and Gwen one more movie before I decide on that one.

Based on everything mentioned here, you might assume that I am dreading “Man of Steel.” Incorrect. It is still Big Screen Superman and I’ve already gotten misty eyed at just the damn trailer, so yeah. Incorrect. Am I still being a curmudgeon about the lack of spit curl? Yes. Am I worried that Snyder is going to turn Clark Kent into Bruce Wayne? A little. But I am still counting down the days.